Choices:  How to Make a Life
by TXQuill
Summary: Set at the end of the series. Choices Veronica and Logan made kept them in angst through most of the show. This multi-chapter fic examines different outcomes from Veronica's choices during and after her internship. Can she make the life she truly wants?
1. Chapter 1  The Road

_**Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, the characters, story lines or anything related to the television show.**_

**_Many thanks to Steenbeans for being more than a Beta. Your constant encouragement and friendship made me want to see this through. Otherwise ... well, you know what would have happened. I hope I make you proud._**

_It has often been said that we are defined by the choices we make. This has never been more evident than in the case of Veronica Mars. What would happen if she could see the consequences of seemingly small choices and how they would change her life? Who gets that kind of opportunity? She does._

**_Choices: How to make a life - _****_Chapter One - The Road_**

The cafeteria was spinning. She couldn't make it stop. Blurring bodies, tables and activity circled around Veronica. All she could do was stare back and forth between Logan's retreating form, Piz's curious and somewhat confused expression and Gory as he struggled to get off the cafeteria floor.

Questions, accusations, doubts and still more questions flooded her mind. _How did my life get so screwed up?_ She pondered this with a dazed expression for what seemed like hours, but what was in actuality less than a minute. Suddenly, shaking her head and smiling a bit, the old Veronica spirit kicked in. "I c-can't do this now," she stuttered to no one in particular. Fight or flight. Flight usually won out. Veronica pivoted toward the food court and made her way past the throngs of students; almost running out the employee exit. She never looked back.

_Three weeks later_

"Hey, Dad." She walked through the small lobby and peered around the open door to Keith Mars' office.

"Hey," he responded without looking up from the file he read. Glancing up from his desk, Keith noticed her blank expression. "What's up?"

"Oh, you know, same ol', same ol'," she attempted, knowing he wouldn't buy it.

The days and weeks since "the drama," as she now called the cafeteria scene (and all the angst surrounding her brief exploration into the inner workings of The Castle), had put a strain on their relationship. Veronica loved the easy, bantering conversations she'd always shared with her father. She missed the ease and comfort of that not-too-distant past. _It's funny, _she thought humorlessly to herself._ I couldn't see how good things really were just a few weeks ago._

While neither of them would face jail time as a result of her less-than-above-board investigation into the secretive organization, and Keith's less-than-legal action to protect her, the whole mess hadn't just cost him the election and a job he'd loved; it had brought awkwardness and tension back into their relationship yet again.

"Are you all packed and ready to go?" he asked with more enthusiasm than seemed entirely natural.

"Yeah, about that -" she started.

"Don't even think about it, Veronica."

While they had mostly embraced small talk during the past few weeks, one topic had surfaced over and over. But Veronica had run out of witty barbs on the subject a week ago and just sounded sad as she made her case. "Dad, the truth is that I'm not even sure this is what I want anymore. I need to be here." _I owe you that much, _she finished in her mind.

"Veronica -" he began with a sigh. It wasn't just his normal sigh of exasperation; it was coupled with the accompanying forehead rub and head shake that told her he was more than a little tired of talking to her about this. "We've been over this every day for the last three weeks. You staying here, wasting away your summer and giving up on the first completely good thing that has happened to you in a very long time is _not_ the right answer. I can't force you to go, Veronica. But I can honestly tell you that I will be very disappointed if you give this up for me, or for any other man in your life right now."

She'd been bobbing her head mechanically as she listened to him repeat the same chorus she'd heard dozens of times now. But her head shot up at his last sentence; _that_ part was new.

"You think this is about _him_? Seriously, Dad, that's what you think?" Her tone was steady, but her eyes were already darting back and forth looking for every nonverbal cue she could find as she stepped closer to his desk. "Because this is not about _him_," she insisted.

Keith looked at her and smiled.

"Veronica, I really hope it's not. You're not even dating him. Wait, are you?" He smiled again.

"Dad." She returned his smile. _Maybe things are better after all._

"I'm just saying that, as far as I know, you're in a committed relationship with someone else. Piz, right? And yet, I'm pretty sure that Logan is the first name you thought of when I mentioned the men in your life."

_Maybe things aren't better after all._ Veronica couldn't stop her shoulders from slumping.

"The last time I checked," Keith continued, "the only one you ever refer to as 'him' with that much passion is Logan. This concerns me. This makes me question my brilliant daughter's judgment of late."

She knew that her Dad wasn't really arguing with her about her dating relationships. He was worried about her in general. And, he was trying to sound more confident in his knowledge of her personal life than he really was. He didn't believe what she told him anymore. It just confirmed the fact that her actions a few weeks ago really had damaged their relationship, and the trust they shared; the trust she'd worked so hard to rebuild since last year when she helped Duncan and baby Lilly.

"I'm not judging you, Veronica. I'm really not. I know you two have a lot of history. So much has happened to the both of you, and often together. You will probably always have a connection. But you're at that age where choices start to really matter and have life-long consequences. This is your chance to decide what you really want your life to look like. I don't want you to miss it."

"Whoa, Pops, hold up. What happened to the 'Oh, the places you will go,' pep talk we had scheduled for today? This feels a little too heavy for the Dr. Seuss seminar I signed up for."

Keith grinned at her but continued his train of thought. "We'll reschedule that. I'm serious, Veronica. Up until now you've spent a lot of time in an almost reactionary mode." He held up a hand for her to let him continue. "Not by choice. I get that. I know you often had to be." The names Leanne, Lilly, Aaron, Duncan, Cassidy, Mercer and Moe blew through the room, changing the air, and they both knew that others had now been invited into their space and into their discussion.

Keith moved around his desk and toward her as his voice became soft and loving. "Even more than whether you pursue a career with the FBI, this really is about choices. You still have them, Veronica. You have plenty of them." He paused and looked at her closely. "You can't just let life happen to you, sweetheart. I know you know that." He pointed at the chairs in front of her desk and they both sat down gingerly.

_So much for light and easy banter, _Veronica thought as she settled into the worn chair.

"We never talk about her, Veronica." Her father's voice was barely above a whisper as he continued his thought. "Maybe we should have."

"Dad, please don't read more into this than there is," Veronica pleaded. "This isn't about my epically tragic love life." _Epic? Where had that come from? And why did that word always make me want to throw up? _"I promise this isn't about Logan or Piz or Mom, or any other topic more suited for an episode of Oprah. This is just about me reevaluating my goals and dreams. Isn't that what us crazy college kids are supposed to do during these carefree days of higher learnin'?"

He wasn't taking the bait. "I never saw how unhappy she was with her choices, Veronica, until it was too late. I'm pretty sure that her regret over the road or roads not taken is what led to her drinking, and her ... ." He stopped, but the words 'leaving,' 'abandonment' and 'betrayal' floated through her mind; she steeled herself for more of this uncharacteristically serious discussion.

He continued, even though he saw her discomfort with the topic. "Just think about it over the summer. Think about your choices, Veronica. Take this opportunity because that's truly what this is. And I know that you still want it."

Attempting to bring levity back into their conversation, Veronica rolled her eyes. She leaned over, grasped her father's hands in hers and declared dramatically, "Seriously, Dad, no more Dr. Phil for you. I mean it."

His expression never wavered and that finally disarmed her. "Alright. I'll go. But only if you promise me that you'll lay off the self-help books and psychobabble while I'm gone."

"I promise nothing," he said as he drew her into a hug. "That's my girl."

Leaving Mars Investigations, Veronica mulled her dad's words over in her mind. _Choices, huh? Of course I have choices. I think he's transferring his mid-life crisis concerns to me. I'm young, in college, in a somewhat stable relationship and have my whole life ahead of me. I know I have choices._

But even as she argued the point, her inner antagonist countered. _Then why do I always seem to get into the same messes? Why do I always know where the door is in any room? Why am I afraid? Is this how it began for Mom?_ "That's ridiculous," she huffed out loud, stopping those errant thoughts in their tracks.

"And this is absolutely not about _him_," she bit out defensively, veering her Saturn in the complete opposite direction of the Hotel Neptune Grand.

"I need to say, 'goodbye' to my boyfriend." Her tone sounded a little hollow and defensive even to her. Amazingly, she thought, as she navigated toward the university, Piz still wanted to be her boyfriend. She had offered a clean, "we can still be friends" escape the day after the cafeteria incident, but he had refused. There was no denying that her obvious appreciation for Logan's actions that day had hurt him. It was complicated and she hadn't wanted Piz to be a casualty of her complicated life.

They'd met for breakfast the day after "the drama" in the cafeteria.

"Do you still want to be with me," Piz had asked with a grimace. Whether it was from his inward or outward pain, she wasn't sure.

She'd assured him that she did want to be with him, and was relieved that he didn't ask any additional questions that might be more difficult to answer. And that had been that.

Bidding farewell to Mac and Wallace had been hard, but saying "goodbye" to Piz was much easier than she'd thought it would be.

_That's only because I know he has this amazing opportunity, and is pursuing his dreams, _she told herself._ At least he has dreams and ambitions, unlike ... never mind. I want to be with someone who has goals and pursues something in life. Aha, I believe that is a choice_, she laughed and glanced around her crowded flight to see if anyone had noticed. _Nope. Alone again. Naturally._

_VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM_

Summer in Virginia with the FBI and the anonymity that she had longed for went by quickly. Before she knew it, Veronica was packing to return to Neptune.

"I never thought I would say this, Mars, but I'm really gonna miss you," her roommate joked as she hugged Veronica a little tighter than she normally preferred. "Who would've thought that we would bond so much, huh?"

"Yeah, we're regular sorority sisters, Jo," she quipped taking a step back toward her bed.

Joanna was a tall, lanky brunette who loved martial arts and running. Veronica's much smaller stature made them a very awkward and noticeable pair around the dorms and FBI campus.

Yet the unlikely duo _had_ bonded; but not over shared playlists, makeup or fashion in their dorm rooms. They'd forged a friendship rooted in a shared love of complex cases with juicy mysteries, an interest in the criminal mind and well, kicking ass.

"I still think we were robbed," Joanna argued as she rubbed their second place combatives trophy. Handing the award to her blonde roomie, she sighed and pulled up the zipper on her duffel bag.

"Well, we know the truth and so do all those guys," Veronica gloated, remembering the recent tournament. She set the trophy on her bed. Veronica and her roommate, affectionately known as Jo, were two of only three female interns in the 37-member summer class. So they'd decided to make up for their lack of size and strength with attitude and determination.

Throughout the 12-week program, they'd sized up all the other interns and talked about every aspect of the cases they heard about and potential life as FBI agents. In addition to earning impressive near-victories during physical challenges, they'd caught the attention of their supervisors and peers alike. Both had been encouraged to consider a future with the agency. Joanna was a senior and planned to apply to the FBI in the spring. Veronica had refused to commit so far.

"So, do you think you'll be back?" her roommate asked her without looking up from the luggage tags she was filling out on the dorm room desk.

"I still don't know," Veronica said vaguely. "I've been thinking a lot about that. Actually, I've been thinking about a lot of things lately." Veronica was thankful that her distracted friend didn't look up from her project at that moment. She wasn't ready to disclose her thoughts yet; to anyone. She was afraid that doing so would reveal just how much her father's challenge had affected her this summer.

**_Flashback_**

"Just remember what we talked about, Veronica," her father whispered into her ear as he hugged her by the security checkpoint at LAX. "Life really comes down to the choices we make."

"Geez, Dad," she tried for humorous but her voice cracked a little and she only accomplished irritated. "I really need to check our Netflix queue. I don't know what you've been watching but I'm cutting you off." The rest of their goodbye time was light-hearted and consisted of promises to call, be safe and miss each other; all of which Veronica knew she could pull off.

**_End Flashback_**

Determined to focus solely on the opportunity the FBI intern program offered her, Veronica had fallen into an easily controllable pattern with Piz. They would text three or four times a week and talk every Thursday evening. Piz was steady like that. Veronica appreciated steady.

She shook her head as another memory took center stage in her thoughts. Logan. The opposite of steady. She hadn't spoken to him before she'd left California, or at all during the summer, until mid-way through the program. Her resolve had weakened after a particularly grueling week of training. An FBI profiler had selected her to publicly dissect and then he'd proceeded to out many of her more unflattering personality traits. While not the worst experience she had endured, considering her many brushes with death and danger, the profiling freak show had born a strange resemblance to the lunchtime lynchings at Neptune High she remembered so fondly.

**_Flashback_**

"Mars, why are you here," Agent Wentz asked her with an almost bored tone.

"I'm interested in justice," she said, hoping it would suffice. It didn't.

"Justice, huh? Interesting. Are you sure it's not just vengeance you're interested in? Or, maybe adrenaline? You kind of live on those two things from what I hear." His eyes locked with hers, showing her that his pretense at casual indifference was over. "You're not really a normal girl, are you? Do you know how to do normal, Mars?" he sneered.

_Of course I do, _she snarked back in her head._ Normal used to be my watchword. _Veronica realized that she'd been smirking as she'd formulated the internal retort. _Uh, oh ... not good._

"Or, is it just that you really must be the most interesting, damaged or enchanting person in the room; even if that means being loathed and despised by some because of it?"

_Ah, he read my file. And possibly some news clippings._

"Maybe you just feel superior to everyone else. You know, your reasons are justified, motives are more pure and all that. Are you self-righteous, Mars?" He smiled predatorily. Veronica knew he wasn't looking for an answer from her. He was merely demonstrating his belief that _he_, and not Veronica, was the smartest person in the room. "Do you really think this is the right line of work for a smug, holier-than-thou, bitter, judgmental hot head?"

_And apparently, he's also talked to my ex-boyfriend._

**_End Flashback_**

Logan. Her figurative stoning in the town square left her thinking of him, and wondering if Agent Wentz might have been channeling Logan somehow. She'd been exhausted, homesick, emotional and well, a little stupid. She could see that now; hindsight and all that. _But that night, not so much._

**_Flashback_**

He picked up on the third ring and Veronica could hear the party in the background. She almost hung up.

Was it really so wrong to want him to be thinking of her at the same moment she was thinking of him, and to not be partying and hooking up with a steady stream of faceless and nameless bimbos? Wasn't that what epic was supposed to mean - he would wait for her, thinking only of her until she returned, no matter how many times she had told him to go away? Apparently not. It never had before.

_It's not like I care, _she told herself. She just didn't appreciate the inconsistency.

Twisting a section of her hair and drawing an audible breath, Veronica jumped in with a profound, "Hey."

Logan laughed gently. "Veronica. Let me go somewhere more quiet," he told her. She could make out muffled laughter, music and then the ocean before she heard his voice again. "So, how are you? I'm a little surprised to hear from you."

"Yeah, I'm a little surprised, too," she said softly. They were both silent for a few seconds.

"Not to sound antagonistic, Veronica, but why are you calling? I thought you needed time, space, etcetera, etcetera before we could talk, try to be friends or whatever. At least that's my PG-translation of our last few conversations."

"I know. I did. I mean, I do. But, I just needed ... I mean ... oh geez, Logan, I probably shouldn't have called."

"O.k."

_O.k. ... really? So much for epic._

"O.k., so I guess I'll go."

"Veronica, did you need something. Is everything o.k.? You're still at that FBI thing, right?" His voice wavered between frustration and curiosity.

"Yeah. Everything's fine. I just had a rough week and was thinking about some things and wanted to ... um, ask you something." _No you don't, _her inner voice screamed._ Just ask how he is doing and hang up._

"O.k., I guess I can handle a Veronica question. It _has_ been a while. Wait." She heard him gulp down a large amount of liquid and she rolled her eyes, shaking her head with an audible sigh of frustration.

"It has always been oh-so-flattering that you have to have just one more ounce of liquid courage before you can talk to me, Logan."

"Well, first of all, you called me, so you should be nicer. Secondly, I'm drinking water. But honestly, if I did feel the need for a stiff drink before you launch into me, even from thousands of miles away, could you really blame me? We don't exactly have the best track record at this, you know."

"I guess thats kind of what I wanted to talk about," she said tentatively. "Do you ... do you think that I'm ..."

"Oh, no," he drug out both syllables as he interrupted her. "Stop right there. There is no way I'm answering any questions about what you are or aren't. I'm not crazy. Hold on. Is this some FBI project?"

Veronica caught herself biting her lip. Logan would know she was doing it. He always teased her about that particular habit. He said it was sexy. _That's the last thing I need to be thinking about in this conversation._

"Find some other poor guy for this one."

His laugh had just a bit of an edge as he continued. "I'm sure there are several there who have already fallen prey to your dubious charms and would be more than willing to do your bidding; maybe even answer your inane questions. Now, if you want to hear about my completely frivolous summer vacation, that is totally doable."

"Logan, I'm serious," she persisted even as she humored him with a small laugh. "It's just that this profiler guy said some things and I don't want to believe him. I mean it's not how I see myself, but I think it might be how you see me."

Logan seemed hesitant, but unable to resist asking her, "Why do you care how I see you? You said you wanted me out of your life." He ended his statement softer than he began, but Veronica still thought his tone was a little harsh.

"I've said a lot of things over the years, Logan, and that's the one you're going to hold on to?" She tried to sound playful. She was pretty sure she just sounded sad.

"Oh, I remember everything you've said to me over the years, and even some things you _haven't_ said." Veronica could tell he was fighting back his anger and she could almost see him running his hand through his hair at the end of his last comment. "You seemed particularly resolute this time," he breathed out.

She sighed, smiled uncertainly and steered the conversation back to his completely frivolous summer vacation. He seemed relieved, and they talked for a full hour before Veronica told him she had to go.

**_End Flashback_**

While that conversation hadn't netted the answers she'd hoped for, it had reestablished a tenuous connection with Logan. For that, she was grateful. As hurt and angry as she had been after his meaningless sex (that had been way-too-meaningful to her) with Madison and brutal beating of Piz, Veronica really hadn't wanted to completely eradicate their friendship. She had lost too many people from her life already. So had Logan.

He made the first move after their conversation. He texted her the following Tuesday, requesting her opinion on his voicemail quotation of the day. She'd responded with a sarcastic critique; and so began the slow, winding road back toward friendship.

" ... I'm serious, though. How could one FBI hoodie, a mug and two magnets make my bags impossible to zip?" Joanna had obviously continued their conversation during Veronica's trip down memory lane.

"Hmm? Yeah, I know what you mean. Souvenirs for my dad alone have completely taken over one of my bags. But, he's so whiny when I don't bring home baseball paraphernalia." She pulled out her imaginary pad and pencil. "Washington Nationals pennant? Check. Baltimore Orioles bobble head? Check," she joked.

_Father's forgiveness for ruining his career and destroying his trust? I hope so, _she mused.

Saying "goodbye" and closing out her time with the FBI went by in a flash; and before she knew it, Veronica was settling in to her flight back to Neptune. She was a little apprehensive.

_Who am I kidding, _she mocked herself,_ I'm way beyond "a little apprehensive."_ Taking her dad's words to heart, Veronica did some major soul-searching and honest exploration during the summer.

She had made some really big, tough decisions and was already feeling stronger and more empowered. But going back to Neptune made her a little unsure.

_This is who I am, _Veronica told herself over and over._ How did I become that other person? That's easy, _she reminded herself; murder, rape, mayhem, cruelty and betrayal had been her teachers. But she was more determined than ever to overrule those influences and change the course of her life, one choice at a time.

Her lips formed into a slight smile as she adjusted herself against a makeshift pillow and leaned into the window on her cross-country flight. _Since when am I so optimistic? _Veronica asked herself as she drifted off to sleep.

The descent was a rocky one, and the turbulence jolted her awake. The safety-conscious flight attendant quickly insisted that she raise her seat back to its full and upright position.

_Time to face the music, _she told herself, feeling a bit less optimistic than before.

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels. There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It's so good to see you._

_- To be continued -_


	2. Chapter 2  The Wide Road

_Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, the characters, story lines or anything related to the television show._

_**AN: Thank you so much for reading this story and for reviewing, messaging, favoriting and alerting. Totally blown away by all of you! Like so many of you, I can't get these characters out of my head so exploring what could have been ... what should have been ... has become my new favorite pastime. I'm so glad all of you are along for the ride.**_

_**Thank you, Steenbeans, for making time to be a Beta-Extraordinaire in the midst of the very short countdown to your nuptials. You are amazing and I am appreciative!**_

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter 2 - The wide road**_

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels. There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It is so good to see you._

Logan. _ He looks good; really good._

His hair was lighter again and he sported that messy, just woke up look that she knew took longer to fix than he wanted to admit. It was a good look for him. It made him look younger and more carefree than he had appeared last year.

Their eyes locked through the crowd and Logan's face lit up to match hers. He swaggered toward her and then seemed to slow his pace. She knew he was waiting for her to meet him half way. She did. This was their new dynamic. She had promised him that she would try.

"Hi," she said softly, feeling shy in the context of an airport reunion.

"Hi," he responded just as softly before he picked her up and spun her around until she begged him to put her down.

"I take it you missed me," Veronica said between giggles.

"Yeah, just a little." His kiss was slow and gentle at first; the touch of two old souls reconnecting after too many months apart. It heated up as their contact continued. _Heavenly._

She pulled away reluctantly and smiled as he kept his eyes closed, memorizing the feel of their lips together. He lowered her to the ground but kept one arm around her as if he were afraid she would vanish without his touch.

His smile. His eyes. _I've missed this. No, I've missed him ... so much_. Logan was like oxygen for her. She took a deep breath. _ Whoa, easy girl._

They never took their eyes off each other as they moved toward Carousel 3, the one with the marquis flashing her flight number. This became increasingly difficult as the growing crowd bumped and jostled them closer and then farther away from each other.

Veronica saw her first bag and reached to grab it. Logan got to it first and grinned triumphantly. They found her second bag next and headed toward the automatic doors.

"So, not that I'm not exceedingly grateful for the privilege, but how is it that your Dad agreed to let me pick you up alone?" Logan missed the shadow that crossed her face as he placed his hand on her lower back and escorted her out of the airport.

_Oh. I was hoping this wouldn't come up._ She looked up and smiled at him. "Well, lucky for you, Dad had a pressing engagement and couldn't make it."

"Really?" he asked incredulously. "That doesn't sound like the Sheriff Mars I know."

Veronica knew where this was going. She had known this conversation was coming for weeks now.

_**Flashback**_

"So there was no way he was getting away with that comment. You know the rules, Dad. You mess with the bull ... ." She laughed as she recounted the highlights of her week at "FBI Camp" as her Dad referred to her internship.

They continued their conversation for another 15 minutes. He made jabs about "Fibbies." She made jabs about civilians. He updated her on juicy parts of his cases and Backup's antics. And, she embellished her "FBI Camp" stories so he wouldn't worry that she wasn't happy. It was a comfortable arrangement; a routine she appreciated. So, of course, it had to end.

"O.k., well I'll talk to you this weekend," she stifled a yawn and began her "goodbye words" as he called them.

"Wait, kiddo, before you go," Keith started hesitantly. "Is there something you maybe want to talk with me about? Maybe about you and Piz, or you and someone else?"

_Crap._

"Dad, have you and Cliff been missing out on your late-night bonding and girl talk lately? You know, I could ..."

"Veronica, if you don't want to tell me, just say so. Do we really have to drag Cliff and girl talk into it?" He sounded less playful and more frustrated.

"It's not that big of a deal, Dad. Really. Piz and I just realized that we make much better friends than boyfriend and girlfriend so we agreed to go back to that." _That was one version of what happened._

O.k., so _she_ had decided. And, it had been right about the same time that she and Logan had decided that they made a much better couple than just friends. _Hey, coincidences happen._

She had dreaded her talk with Piz. It had not been an easy conversation. He hadn't seen it coming. Even Logan had thought she was a little cruel and cowardly to tell Piz over the phone; especially when the train made such frequent, short runs between New York and D.C. In years past, she would have handled this differently. She was sure. But, she wasn't that girl anymore. Quick and bloodless; that was best for everyone.

"I see." He sighed audibly. Keith sounded more than a little disappointed. "I had hoped you were taking my advice this summer, Veronica. But, here we are, back to lies and misdirection."

_Not the reaction I was hoping for. I think I'll hold off on the rest of the news._

"Dad, that's not fair. I would have told you. I just didn't want to do it over the phone.". She flinched as she said that with a memory of her strained phone conversation with Piz.

Wallace must have told him. _I knew there would be a downside to Dad dating Alicia again. I just didn't know what it would be. Wait a minute. I haven't even told Wallace, yet. How did he ..._

"Wait. Who told you?" _I'm not angry,_ she told herself, _just curious_. _I don't like my personal business being ... well, not personal. Oh no, please tell me Piz didn't call my Dad._

"Well, Piz didn't call me, if that's what you're wondering." _Mind-reading?_ She had forgotten that trick of his.

"I'm actually a little surprised you didn't hear." He stopped, seeming to wait for her next comment. It didn't come. Instead, she inhaled deeply and prepared for what she imagined to be an upsetting story.

"Your ... I guess, _new_ or new-old boyfriend came to see me to discuss his intentions, I believe it was." Keith paused, expecting her to jump in. She didn't.

"You can imagine my shock when to the best of my knowledge, my darling daughter, who I talk with several times a week, was not even friends with him anymore, much less dating him. This was especially disconcerting since the last time I saw or spoke to her about her love life, she was dating someone else and insisting that _he_ was not a factor in her life anymore."

_Crap._

"Well." She drug out that word, making it into a two or three syllable construction. "I've been so focused on my internship and ensuring that the limited time we have to talk is spent focusing on daddy-daughter phone bonding that I just didn't get into it."

"So, email, text, hand-written letter? Any of these other modes of communication didn't seem like a good fit for this news either? I mean, not that I don't appreciate the YouTube forward with that baby hawking $5 stock market trades, but I would have preferred to hear this news from you, even in an email."

He really wasn't going to let this go, was he?

"First, that baby is funny. Everyone thinks so." He didn't laugh. _Looks like I'm going for straight man rather than comedian now._ "Dad, really it's not that big of a deal. I'm not even sure exactly where we stand so I just didn't want to make a big deal of it until Logan and I have had a chance to find our way in all of this." _And, that would be that._ "Now, it's really late and some of us have an early morning run tomorrow."

"Alright. We can drop it for now. It's just that yours is certainly a different tune from the one I heard from Logan." She knew he was baiting her, certain that her curiosity would keep her on the phone with him a bit longer. He was hoping to pry more information from her. She would be strong and not give in.

"What did he tell you?"

O.k., she would be strong and not give in ... later.

"I don't know, Veronica, maybe we should save this for our weekend chat. You sound awfully tired and I wouldn't want you to ..."

"Very funny. Now spill before I have to bring up Cliff and his girl talk again."

He laughed. And, it was genuine. _I've missed that sound._

"He actually made an appointment. Can you believe that?" He chuckled and then finished his story. "He just told me that he understood that I might not be thrilled about you two being back together with the history you have. But, he wanted to assure me that he was serious about you and your relationship and would do everything in his power to make you happy and make it work this time. I think he was kind of asking for my blessing. It was a little disconcerting. He didn't call me 'dude' once in the entire conversation."

She was stunned and completely silent, so he continued.

"You know, a heads-up would have been very helpful and much-appreciated for both me _and_ Logan. I think he was more than a little upset that I didn't know you had broken up with Piz and are dating him now."

_Oh, crap. _That would explain the radio silence she's heard from him over the past few days.

After two excruciatingly long voicemails and several texts, Logan called her back. He grudgingly said he would try to understand why she wanted to wait to tell her father about them until she returned home. She didn't fully believed that he would ever understand, but the fact that he said he he would try meant they could end the argument, and that was all she was after at that point.

_**End Flashback**_

So, of course, he was reading more into her father not being at the airport than he should. She braced herself for a delicate discussion. But, she was sure she could navigate her way through, give Logan the assurance he needed and move on. She really didn't want to spend any more time talking about all of this.

"Logan, it's not a big deal. Dad just wanted us to have some time to be together; to get reacquainted. He's just being considerate."

"Right," he said with his familiar, sarcastic tone and nod. "And this wouldn't have anything to do with the fact that he is less than thrilled that we are back together again; probably because you completely hid our budding relationship from him?"

The sun was glaringly bright as they walked from the terminal through the parking lot. Veronica squinted and tried to cover her eyes with one hand while she frantically searched for sunglasses in her messenger bag. Logan transferred the small duffel bag on her left arm to his so she could search more effectively.

She smiled in appreciation and took a moment to really look at him. _He is different. Still so pretty, but different now. I can't put my finger on it_, she thought as she placed her glasses on her nose with one hand. _He just seems more together somehow._

_I still can't believe we're back together. Can we really make it work this time? Maybe this is crazy. Maybe it's just me who's crazy._

She remembered the day they decided to try again like it was yesterday.

_**Flashback**_

"So, seriously, Logan, you can't honestly think you're getting foreign language credit just because you spent your entire summer in Spanish-speaking countries?"

He laughed. She loved that sound. Their late-night chats had become more and more frequent since that first, slightly-awkward phone call. She looked forward to them and even planned her evening schedule around when she thought he might call.

Yes, they had reestablished a tenuous connection during that first phone call, and were well on their way toward a comfortable friendship. But they had also opened the door to more. She couldn't imagine going more than a day or two without talking to him now.

"Hey, that was Dick's bright idea, not mine."

"Well, next you'll tell me that you two are applying for Human Sexuality credit from all your sexcapades this summer. I don't picture the registrar going for that one either."

She heard his sudden intake of breath. "C'mon, you know that's not true, Ronnie. Tell me you know that."

"What? That you're actually applying for credit for ..."

"No, Veronica." He sounded upset now. Had she really offended him?

"Logan, I was just ..."

He interrupted her. "You weren't kidding, Veronica. Don't even pretend that you were."

He seemed to rein in his temper as he continued. "You have to know that I haven't done any of that. Not since we started _this_. Not even really since way before then. Geez, I really thought you knew that."

She let out a breath she didn't realize she was holding and decided to dive into the deep end. "This? What exactly do you mean by _this_, Logan?"

"I don't know. Friendship, but really, I hope ... more?" He sounded more unsure than she was used to. "Look Veronica, I've done a lot of thinking and soul-searching since we broke up. I promised myself that I would make better decisions where you're concerned - where we're concerned - and that if I ever had the opportunity to be in your life again ... well, I just want to do things the right way with you this time, Veronica."

She started to respond, but he kept talking. "I didn't expect to get another shot with you, but there must've been some sliver of hope because I changed. I didn't want some random hook-up to sabotage our chance to be together again. I know your issues in this area and I knew that you would ask."

Veronica winced, remembering the last time she asked. "I wanted to be able to answer you honestly and without reservation this time," he told her quietly.

She was stunned. Of course, the thought of them rekindling their fiery and often destructive romance had crossed her mind over the course of their summer chats, but not in a realistic way. She had, after all, forced herself to get over him months ago. And besides, she was still with Piz.

He had obviously given this a lot of thought. That was very un-Logan.

They talked all night, only hanging up when Veronica had to get dressed for work. She even skipped her morning physical training, or PT, with the rest of the interns.

She agreed to end things with Piz the next day and they had been a couple ever since.

"Things will be different this time, Veronica." His voice was low and very serious. But, Veronica could tell he was almost giddy. Logan wanted to discuss the pitfalls they had encountered during their last relationship attempts that night.

"It seems that all the experts say, 'you're doomed to repeat the past if you don't learn from it,'" he joked. Incidentally, that quote found its way to Logan's "inspirational voicemail quote of the day" rotation the next day, making Veronica smile when she heard it.

It was actually very sweet, if not a little unlike him.

In the end, she convinced him that there would be plenty of time for that once she returned to Neptune.

_You seem so different now_, Logan, she said to herself before they hung up that day. _Good different._

_**End Flashback**_

Veronica stopped him before he opened the passenger door of his Land Rover in the airport parking lot. "Logan, I've explained all of this to you. He is fine with you picking me up. He just thought both of you coming would be overkill." _O.k., so maybe I'm the one who thought it would be overkill. But, the result is the same. I'm spending Logan time now and Dad time tonight. Everyone should be happy, and separate, which makes me happy._

_VMVMVMVMVMVMVM_

Classes started the following week and they immediately found a comfortable routine. They had lunch together each day and while they didn't have any classes together, they made time for each other as often as they could.

_This is good,_ Veronica told herself, as she walked to meet him for lunch one day during the first week of classes.

"Hey, handsome," she cooed, leaning over and kissing Logan's cheek. "For me?" She pointed at the burger, fries and large salad in the middle of the table.

"Of course," Logan said with a smile. "As ordered." He did his best Vanna White flourish and then pulled her chair closer to him before she sat down.

Veronica fell into the chair and froze as she looked up. Piz. _I had really hoped to continue avoiding him._

Wallace had told her how hurt Piz was about the breakup and her reunion with Logan; particularly since he thought the timing was too close to be unrelated. She knew Wallace was disappointed in her, too.

_Yeah, I could have handled that better. _ _I really do value my friendship with Piz._ She had just wanted to end things quickly and as easily as possible so she could move on with Logan.

Piz had deserved better and she regretted her callousness. _Hopefully, he will be able to get past this and we can all be friends, or at least less awkward, around each other._

He saw her, too, with Logan. Piz maintained his blank expression, turned toward the food court exit and left without getting lunch. _O.k., maybe that friendship thing won't happen today._

_VMVMVMVMVMVMVM_

Months went by and the hustle and bustle of a new semester faded into the holidays and then the start of another semester. Veronica and Logan stayed busier than they had hoped. They barely had time to spend quality time together, much less get together with their other friends.

_Things will settle down soon_, she repeated to herself, and anyone else who questioned her frenetic activity.

She only saw Mac and Wallace in passing or during breaks in the food court. Today was a lucky day.

"Hey, stranger," Mac said as she bumped her hip into Veronica in line at Chili's. "It's official: Wallace and I have decided that we're starting a life of crime just so we can hire you to figure out our misdeeds. The things we'll do to spend time with Veronica Mars."

"Hey, Mac, how's it going?" Veronica was genuinely pleased to see her friend. "Hmmm, a life of crime for my BFFs? I don't think so. I'm thinking more movies and ice cream for our next adventure together. I seriously don't want to have to bail you and Wallace out of jail. We all know that without my expertise, you'll end up guests of the county, and with Vinnie in charge ... ew, not a pretty sight."

"Very good point," Mac laughed as she agreed. "How about this weekend? Your place?"

"Yeah, let's plan on it, but I'll need to confirm with you Friday. I'm in the middle of something a little touchy right now and I might need to work Saturday. But, don't worry, things will settle down soon."

She grabbed her lunch to go, promised to call Mac and left for her meeting.

_Things would settle down soon,_ Veronica continued telling herself; and Logan; and Wallace; and Mac; and her Dad.

She was just really busy right now. Of course, she was less busy because of school and more so because of some very demanding cases she agreed to take on. Veronica knew her Dad, Logan and her friends would not approve, so she kept the details to herself.

After she returned from her internship, Veronica had a renewed vigor for justice dispensing and case solving. She was determined to avoid the pitfalls she fell into with the whole Castle debacle. Overconfidence, and maybe even a little cockiness, led to mistakes then. There was a heavy cost for those mistakes. She had learned new skills and had new confidence now, though.

She also had a new appreciation for grey areas. Sometimes, you really did have to make a deal with the devil. It was an ugly truth, but she had learned to face a lot of ugly truths in her young life.

These were the kind of things that Logan, her Dad and her friends would not understand. Not everyone was cut out for this line of work. _I don't want my work to hurt the people I love ever again,_ she reminded herself. Protecting them was now at the forefront of her mind. Never again would any of them lose a job, be put in danger or even be inconvenienced because she couldn't close a case properly. Never again.

So Veronica kept the major details to herself, only revealing what she had to when she needed extra help with peripheral details.

_I must not have done a good job with that, though,_ she mused as she and Logan finished dinner Friday evening.

"I know something is going on, Veronica," he said as they looked through the menu at Luigi's. "I want to help. I don't know anything about your cases anymore. You used to at least tell me the gist of what you were working on; maybe drag me, Wallace or Mac along for some crazy antics. I worry about you, Ronnie."

He was convinced she was hiding something important from him and everyone else. He shared his suspicions with her almost every time they were together.

Gone were the early days and weeks of new relationship bliss. Now, they seemed to just argue.

They picked up where all their fights left off as they drove to her complex after dinner that night.

"Why are you acting like this, Logan? I know things are crazy right now, but this needy boyfriend routine is starting to get a little old." She tried to turn it into a joke as they walked into her apartment, but he wasn't laughing.

"I'm not being needy, Veronica," he bit out. "I'm being concerned and _loving_. But, I can see where you might be confused since you aren't real good at identifying that particular emotion."

They both fell into comfortable roles as they rehashed what seemed to be the same old fight, yet again. After more than a few minutes of arguing, she suggested that maybe he should leave. "I have better things to do than rehash the same argument we've had a thousand times, Logan."

"I don't think we should leave things like this, Veronica. I'm not walking away from you; from us," he said. "But, I won't do what we've always done either. I won't tiptoe around, trying not to make waves and waiting for you to get hurt or run away."

He seemed to gain momentum and delivered his next statement resolutely. "I'm not kidding, Veronica. I won't _sit idly by_ while you treat me and our relationship like garbage; like I'm not really part of your life."

She was sure that his use of the phrase, "sit idly by" was an intentional dig, designed to get under her skin. _Well, two could play that game. So, Logan, just how far do you want to go back with this tête-à-tête?_

"That's pretty strong language from someone with the relationship track record you have, Logan?" She hated to bring out the big guns, but he started this and she was determined to finish it. _And, I have a lot of ammunition._

His eyes darkened and he stopped fidgeting. "No, Veronica. We are not doing this. You've either forgiven me for my 'relationship track record' or you haven't. I'm not doing this."

She huffed and rolled her eyes, preparing for battle.

"I refuse to be punished for past sins every time we have a fight that you can't win on merit alone. I won't play that way." His tone was steady and not laced with anger like she expected. That disarmed her more than anything he said.

"Let's not do this, Veronica. Please, let's not ... " he pleaded.

Veronica couldn't believe the way this conversation was going. _Why is he making such a big deal about this? Maybe I need to change tactics._

"Logan, you're misunderstanding me." She spoke to him slowly, willing him to see her position. "It's just that we have our own lives. You surf. I investigate. I'm not keeping important things from you. I'm just busy. C'mon, we're beyond all this."

He moved toward her and gestured back and forth between the two of them to emphasize his point. "Are we? It sure feels like we're stuck back in the past now; definitely not 'beyond all this.' Why else would you bring up my 'relationship track record?"

Logan's chief complaints these days typically had more to do with her cases than anything else. He said she was hiding behind danger and risk and using her cases as a weapon against him and a tool to keep them apart. But, he also objected to what he called her "classic avoidance strategies."

_I think he and my Dad have been in the same book club this past year. Psychobabble and incessant self-exploration? Yeah, my guys have them in spades. Did I walk into the Twilight Zone? Shouldn't they be scratching themselves and watching the game on TV? Since when is analyzing Veronica Mars the sport du jour? I really am the guy in this relationship._

She tried to speak, but he cut her off. "Why did you even get back together with me, Veronica? Why?" He looked at her then and she saw the sadness clearly displayed in his eyes.

"You're not really that interested in sharing your life with me. You seem constantly frustrated with me. You don't let me in."

He looked at the floor again and his voice lowered. "You've pretty much guaranteed that your Dad and I will never get beyond the awkward stage we've been stuck in for years. And, you've made it clear that the most important relationships in your life are your father, your friends ... even your dog. But ours? I don't even know where I stand with you."

Obviously, he was still upset about the family dinner that she "protected" him from. She truly saw it as protection. He saw it as rejection.

Veronica remembered the hurt in his eyes and voice when he had discovered that she hadn't even told him he had been invited.

"Your Dad, the most important person in your life, wants to get to know me better, Veronica. For the first time since that awkward dinner last year, he sought me out and invited me to spend time with you as a family. And, you didn't even bother to tell me. No, even worse than that; you lied about it to keep us apart. How do you think that makes me feel?"

_**Flashback**_

Keith ran into Logan outside the Mars' apartment as he was picking Veronica up one afternoon.

"Hey, Logan. How's it going?"

"Mr. Mars." He nodded politely. "You know, just trying to keep up with Veronica. How's life in the P.I. biz?"

"Never a dull moment." Keith tossed his keys in the air casually and walked away. "Well, it was good to see you. You two be good."

He paused as he turned toward the stairs. "Listen, Veronica told me that you can't make it to our family dinner this weekend. I understand. But, I just wanted you to know that you really are welcome. And, if you finish with your project early, I hope you'll stop by. I hear she's making one of her famous batches of snickerdoodles. You definitely don't want to miss that."

Logan was pale and very quiet when she opened the door. He refused to tell her what was wrong at first. When he finally did, they fought in her living room for almost an hour.

Veronica thought they had worked through the whole situation and that he understood she really was just trying to protect him from probing questions and personal intrusions.

Apparently not.

_**End Flashback**_

The Friday night fight main event ended with more resignation than resolution. Logan went home. Veronica went to bed. They didn't even pretend that everything was o.k. anymore. They both knew that it wasn't.

_A week later_

One fight seemed to bleed into another these days. Why should this day be any different?

It had been almost six months since Veronica had returned from Virginia. She realized that fact as she nervously rode up to his suite. _This might be some kind of record for us_, she thought, with a grim smile.

His words from their altercation the day before echoed in her mind. He had really crossed the line this time. He was wrong. She knew it. He would know it, too, soon.

Contrary to what the important men in her life kept telling her, she had thought about her choices and worked through these issues. She really had. And, what she'd learned was that it is sometimes better to protect the ones she cared about from things. It was better for her, _and_ for them. And, she just wasn't wired like other girls. _They used to appreciate that about me,_ she fumed.

She was a strong, capable woman with a future that promised to sometimes include danger and risk. These were just the facts. Logan needed to accept that and learn to deal with it. _I know how to handle my life._

She was beyond angry and knew they wouldn't have the relaxing, cozy night they had planned earlier in the week. But, hopefully, he would hear her out, apologize and they could still salvage some of the evening. Or, she would go home to a hot shower and curl up with Backup. At this point, there was a 50-50 chance for either option. Veronica was pretty sure that she didn't care which outcome came from their impending argument. _That can't be good._

It's just that she was _really_ pissed and so tired of fighting with him. Veronica thought her head would explode every time she thought about the events from yesterday.

_**Flashback**_

He just showed up and stared at her from the back of the empty classroom during the entire interview. _There goes my chance to get any new information from this source. He hates Logan. _She rolled her eyes and slammed her notebook shut. _Is he insane?_

She asked Logan as much after she finished her meeting and confronted him in the hallway.

"Me? I'm the one who's crazy? You've got to be kidding me, Veronica."

He was angry; really angry.

"I'm not the one who is meeting with the Russian mob by myself in an empty classroom; the freaking Russian _mob_, Veronica." He was waving his finger in her face and leaned way too far into her personal space. "This would be the same thug who made a sex tape of you and _Piz_ last year, verbally attacked you. Oh yeah, and threatened to kill _me_."

She placed her hand on his flailing arm to calm him. "You're overreacting, Logan. I know you don't know the back story, but we kind of have a sort of truce now. It was the only way. I helped his cousin find his kid and he promised not to come after us. That's a ... ."

He pulled his arm away and took a step backwards. "You really are certifiable, you know that? You think you can make deals with people like that and then pretend he's one of your housebroken lap dogs like Weevil? Well I've got news for you, sweetheart, he's no Weevil." She flinched at his movement and the term of endearment spoken with vitriol, not affection.

"And just so you know, I'm well aware that this is the third - not first - case like this you've worked on since we've been back together. So, don't even bother lying to me about that. Oh, and your Dad knows, too."

Her head snapped up and she opened her mouth to ask him if they had been spying on her, but he stopped her with a cold, angry look.

"I kept thinking you would come to me and ask for my help or at least let me in, but of course not." Logan shook his head and blew out his next breath. "Full disclosure doesn't apply to Veronica Mars."

She had had enough and took a step toward him before she yelled back. "That's enough, Logan. You do not get to dictate my life. You _know_ what I do. You _know_ who I am. We've talked about this a million times. If you can't handle this then you ... ."

Her angry response was cut short when Logan held up his hand for her to stop, spun on his heel and stormed out of the building, never looking back.

_**End Flashback**_

She waited a full day before confronting him.

The memory of him walking away stayed with her as she exited the elevator on his floor.

"We need to talk," she said harshly as she pushed by him and walked into his hotel suite. "This isn't working, Logan."

"Yeah, I guess we've seen _this_ coming for a while now, haven't we?" He asked sarcastically as he shut the door and followed her into the suite.

Her mouth fell open and she was genuinely shocked. _Is he saying what I think he's saying?_

"What? Logan, I'm not talking about ... wait, are you really saying that you want ... that you want to break up?" She looked at him with a stunned expression.

"This isn't what I want, but it's what I know we've been barreling toward for months." He slumped into the couch without looking at her. "I really thought we would make it this time."

"Logan, I haven't been planning this. You can't possibly think that." She didn't pause long enough for him to answer. Her tone dropped and her voice sounded sad, but resolute as she continued.

"But, after yesterday, maybe it's the right thing. All we do is fight and make each other miserable." The truth of that statement suddenly pierced her heart and Veronica knew with absolute certainty that this was the end for them. She also realized at that moment that she really didn't want to lose Logan again. But, it was too late.

She looked at him for agreement but he refused to meet her gaze from his place on the couch. "If we ever want to have any semblance of a friendship again, Logan, maybe we need to just walk away, cut our losses and stop hurting each other. We can't go on like this." She smiled softly and walked toward him.

He bolted up to stand in front of her. "You know what, Veronica. You tell yourself whatever you need to." His words sounded bitter and his expression was angry, but she knew he was more sad than angry. Well, she _thought_ he was more sad than angry.

"The bottom line is that there was really only one of us in this relationship anyway. And, before you argue with me, I fully acknowledge that I have been a train wreck over the years. We both know that I wouldn't have won any 'boyfriend of the year' or even 'friend of the year' trophies in the past. But, I _have_ been trying to grow up; to make better decisions and be the man I need to be."

He ran his hand through his hair in a classic gesture of "Logan angst."

"You don't seem to want that, though. You just keep doing the same old, destructive crap and expect me to just be o.k. with it."

Logan deflated and then ducked his head a little, now trying to hold her gaze before he continued.

"I don't want to look back in five or 10 years and see the same out-of-control screwup, traumatized by life, when I look in the mirror. Is that what you want - to be the same broken, damaged kids we've been? Do you want _them_ to win?"

She knew who he meant by _them._ Aaron, Cassidy, Mercer, and they each had a few fill-in-the-blanks unique to themselves.

How did she miss Logan growing up so much; becoming so insightful?

"I want more than that, Veronica. I wanted that with _you_. But honestly, I don't see you letting me in; wanting me; wanting to change, or even thinking that you ever need to. You want everyone around you to be better, but you stay in the same self-protective, reckless and even selfish cycle, no matter how many of us you hurt in the process. I guess I kind of get how you can be like this with me, but how can you keep doing this to your Dad?"

She wanted to stop him; to tell him that he was wrong, but couldn't form the words. She just shook her head, willing him to stop.

His voice was barely above a whisper. "Me, your Dad, Wallace, Mac ... you shut all of us out in one way or another, only doling out what little bit of yourself you think each of us needs or deserves at the time. But, the thing is that you demand that we give everything to you, no exceptions. And, we do. We always do, Veronica."

Before she could stop herself, Veronica's mind conjured up the profiling exercise from her internship and Agent Wentz's uncanny characterization.

_**Flashback**_

_"Maybe you just feel superior to everyone else. You know, your reasons are justified, motives are more pure and all that. Are you self-righteous, Mars?" He had smiled predatorily._

_**End Flashback**_

She shook her head to dislodge the painful memory. Suddenly, her tongue was free. _Finally._

"Wow, Logan, how long have you been holding that back? It must've killed you to keep all that bottled up for so long." She laughed bitterly and looked down to hide her reaction to his words.

"No," he said sadly as he sunk back into the couch and put his head in his hands. "It's _killing_ me to say it. But, I lo ... I care about you too much to not tell you the truth. I promised you when we got back together that I would do my very best to be a better person and to be honest with you; for you _and_ for me."

He looked up at her then, and Veronica saw that his eyes were glistening with unshed tears. "That hasn't changed, Veronica. But, unfortunately, neither have you."

Veronica's eyes flew open with panic. The descent was a rocky one, and the turbulence jolted her awake. The safety-conscious flight attendant quickly insisted that she raise her seat back to its full and upright position.

She tried to catch her breath, but it just kept coming out in ragged gasps. _What ... it was a dream; no, a nightmare! _She rubbed her eyes and shook her head slightly._ It seemed so real._

Veronica shuddered as the initial panic from her nightmare slowly wore off.

_Logan. _The pained look on his face at the end of her dream flooded every corner of her memory and vision. She closed her eyes, hoping she wouldn't see those brown eyes, brimming with tears and heartbreak, but it was no use.

Suddenly, her father's words from the beginning of the summer came rushing back to her. Words of caution about her connection with Logan, concern that she was letting life happen and not choosing the life she wanted, and finally, his obvious fear that she would regret the major decisions in her life and end up like her mother.

_Oh, my God. How could I do that him? To any of the people I love? _ Visions of a life spent emotionally and then physically alone, hiding things from the important people in her life passed before her eyes. They morphed into vivid scenes of sadness, loneliness, betrayal and ultimately, deep regret.

She leaned over in her seat, willing her breathing to regulate so she wouldn't hyperventilate. Fellow passengers on her row glanced down at her. She hoped they just assumed she was air sick or anxious about the landing. But, her emotions were raw. She felt naked and exposed, almost as if anyone around her could see everything she was thinking at that moment. She tried to get the image of Logan's heartbreak out of her mind.

_It wasn't real; just a dream. Breathe, Veronica. Pull yourself together._

_It really did seem so real._ No, what scared her the most is that it could have been real. If she had made those choices this summer; if she continued to make those choices when she got home, that dream would be her life. That had been the path she was on when she left for her internship.

_Oh, God._

She slowly came back down from her near-panic attack. "But, I didn't," she said in a barely audible whisper. "I'm not." That may have been the road she was on last Spring, but things were different now. She was different now. She was learning to be content with different things. _And, contentment is good._

Veronica let out a deep breath, sat up and rolled her shoulders back. _Everything is going to be o.k.,_ she told herself.

She leaned closer to the window and saw the sprawling metropolis below.

_Time to face the music, _she told herself, feeling a bit less optimistic than before her nightmare.

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels. There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It's so good to see you._

_- To be continued -_


	3. Chapter 3  The Safe Road

_Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, the characters, story lines or anything related to the television show._

_**AN: I've really loved hearing from so many of you. Thank you so much for that encouragement!**_

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter 3 - The Safe Road**_

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels. There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It's so good to see you._

He looked different; a little more mature, maybe. _Can you tell that from looking at someone across an airport?_

Contentment. That's what she felt when she looked at him.

_Murder. Rape. Mayhem. Secretive, quasi-criminal organizations. No more of that for me._

Before she could stop her wayward thoughts, they drifted back to her dream from the plane. She saw those familiar, liquid brown eyes reflecting brokenness and pain, and Veronica shuddered. Trying to shake off the images, she looked up again at his ... _Oh God, I don't remember what color his eyes are?_

_That's just because our relationship isn't based on superficial things like that._

She squared her shoulders and walked more purposefully toward Carousel 3, where the perky flight attendant had promised her bags would be waiting.

Finally, Piz looked up and moved away quickly from the column he had been lounging against.

"Veronica," he yelled and waved even though she was staring at him and walking in his direction.

"Hey there, Piznarski," Veronica said jokingly as she hugged him warmly. "A summer in the Big Apple looks good on you."

"You, too," he said as he stared with obvious affection. "Well, not the Big Apple ... D.C., but you know ... just the whole, 'summer away' looks good. You know what I mean. You look good." He beamed that smile at her and then she remembered. _His smile. _ _That's what gets me. It's all coming back now._

Piz was a good guy. No matter what happened between them, Veronica knew she would always appreciate him for his steadiness, and just plain goodness. He was fun and uncomplicated and easy. All the things that she was not. But, at the same time, all the things that she knew she needed.

She met his lips as they leaned into each other for a brief, but sweet kiss.

Contentment. That was her goal now. She had made her choice, and she was determined not to squander this chance at a different kind of life. It hadn't been an entirely easy choice for her, though.

_**Flashback**_

"So, what was on the agenda for the rich and lazy boys of summer today?" Veronica asked as she relaxed into her bed in her dorm room.

He snorted in mock offense, and then laughed as he recounted the events of his day. She loved the sound of his voice and laugh, probably more than she should. Their late-night chats had become more and more frequent since that first, slightly-awkward phone call. She looked forward to them, but lately worried that she might be growing a bit too attached to them, and to Logan.

"Hey, I might be rich, but lazy? Never. I've already made it half-way through my summer reading list, thank you very much. Now Dick, on the other hand ..."

"Uh, yeah, Logan, you do realize that magazines don't exactly rate as intellectual summer reading. And, not just by my standards."

"Hey, you might be surprised to learn that I'm a changed man, by anyone's standards. From the reading list to avoiding illicit summer exploits, I'm a completely new man."

"Yeah, right, Logan. It's me you're talking to here."

"No, Veronica." He sounded almost upset now. "I'm serious."

_Was_ he serious? "Logan, I was just ..."

"Listen, I've wanted to talk to you about this, but didn't know how." He took a deep breath and continued. "I never thought we would even be friends again like this right now, much less have a chance at anything more. But ..."

"Logan, please don't. Things have been so much better. Let's not ..."

"Let's not what, Veronica? Talk about what's happening here? Yeah, heaven forbid that we actually talk through anything meaningful."

"C'mon. What do you mean, 'what's happening here?'" She knew. Of course, she knew. But, she had been dreading this conversation with him and wanted to delay this as much as possible.

"I don't know. Are you honestly telling me that you haven't seen us heading toward ... I don't know ... something?" He sounded unsure. "Look Veronica, I've done a lot of thinking and soul-searching since we broke up; especially since we've been talking this summer. I promised myself that I would ... well, I just want to do things the right way with you this time."

"Logan, wait ..."

He tried to continue his thought, but Veronica wouldn't allow him.

"Logan, please don't say anything else. I'm glad we've found our way back to friendship. I really am. But I'm still with Piz, and even if I weren't ... I'm not sure ..."

"Yeah." He interrupted her with obvious irritation. "I get it. I'm just a summer dalliance to break up the boredom."

"I mean it's totally obvious. Why didn't I see it before? Piz is Duncan 3.0, so of course he would be your choice now." His voice was low and steady, but laced with sarcasm.

She took a deep, audible breath as Logan continued his assault. This was the first time she had heard him like this in a very long time. And, she knew it wouldn't be pretty. He was hurt _and_ angry. This was his default.

"Speaking of the blue-collar boy next door, how've those weekly conversations been going?" He paused, but she didn't respond.

"It's strange that we talk every night without fail, but hmmm ... you and the radio boy keep a strict schedule of what was it, one chat per week, rain or shine? Wait. Is today Thursday? Is it your week to call, or his?"

"Logan, stop it."

"I mean, those weekly texts _must_ really be stimulating, too. You're up to three now, right? I can see how this passionate relationship is doing it for you."

She was more than irritated at this point, but knew there was no stopping him.

"I guess I just have one question for you. What's the word you're using now - contentment? I think I've heard it more accurately called settling, but whatever. So, are you finding _contentment_ with Piz, Veronica?"

"You know what, Logan, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it was too soon to try this friends thing again."

He let out a breath laced with bitter laughter. "And, here we are, ladies and gentlemen - Veronica Mars in all her glory. She's never met an emotional challenge she can't run away from."

_What a jackass, _Veronica thought as she contemplated how to end this rapidly deteriorating phone call. This was the Logan Echolls she knew from high school. _Everything old is new again_, she told herself sarcastically.

_**End Flashback**_

She had hung up on Logan that night and they hadn't spoken or communicated at all for a week. He had finally texted a simple two-word apology, "I'm sorry," and then had told her he just needed some time, but hoped they would still be friends when classes started in the Fall.

She hoped so, too, but wasn't sure how that would work after everything they'd been through. Veronica had fought the urge to call him and restart their nightly conversations over the summer. She missed him more than ... well, she missed him. But, it was time to grow up. Part of growing up meant that she had to make some difficult choices.

So what if Logan had mocked her pursuit of contentment; of learning to be satisfied with her life instead of constantly searching for some new dangerous adrenaline high to get through the days. Wasn't he the one who had harped on her relentlessly about dangerous cases and taking unnecessary risks?

She knew she was on the right track. And, Piz was on that track with her.

"Earth to Mars," Piz joked as he rubbed her arm. She looked up at him and smiled. "I was asking what your bags look like. I'm assuming you have some baggage."

_Oh man, you have no idea_. She couldn't hide her laugh as she pointed out her first suitcase hitting the belt.

They found her second bag and made their way to the parking lot.

"So, your Dad is waiting at Wallace's with Mac and the gang." Piz speed-talked for half the drive between LA and Neptune. Veronica knew he was nervous, and she could have done more to alleviate his anxiety, but just didn't have the energy to comfort him yet.

His last comment caught her attention. "The gang?" She asked with a smile. "Exactly which _gang_ would that be?"

"Oh you know, Mac, Wallace ... Parker." He said the last name very quickly.

"Parker? Well that's unexpected. And, a little awkward. Whose idea was that?"

"Uh, I think Mac said she was bringing her." He glanced at her and asked, "You're o.k. with her coming, right? All that ... that's all just ancient history now, right?"

Veronica nodded and smiled at Piz, hoping to reassure him.

_I guess Parker has gotten over the events of last semester. That's good. We're all really moving on._

They finally arrived back in Neptune and Veronica felt surprisingly calm. Piz reached over and took her hand, smiling down at her as they walked up the sidewalk to the Fennel's front door.

"Veronica!" She heard a chorus of familiar voices ring out when they walked through the threshold.

"Whoa, hey ... look at this, my very own welcome wagon committee." She smirked at Piz, hoping to hide her shaky voice; a sure sign that she was nervous and feeling a little exposed.

Her Dad stepped forward and engulfed her in a hug. "Welcome home, kiddo," he said with a big smile. He grabbed her wrists and held her in front of him for a mock inspection. "Looks like you escaped unscathed. Mars, one. FBI, zero."

Everyone laughed. "Way to kick butt with those Fibbies. I'm so proud of you, Veronica." Keith draped his arm over her shoulders and led her further into the house.

She smiled hesitantly. She knew her Dad would be proud of her no matter which career path she chose. But, she still felt a little uneasy about telling him that she had decided against a career with the FBI. It wasn't that she didn't feel good about the decisions she made this summer. It was just that she wasn't ready to talk about ... well, everything yet. It had been a rough summer.

_**Flashback**_

"Mars. _Mars_," Veronica glanced up from her book and pulled out one of her earbuds. She saw her roommate's impatient look and smiled.

"Yes, Jo? What can I do for you?"

"Well, you can start by promising that the next time you pick a new fight with the First-Floor Goon Squad, you'll actually let me in on it so I'm not caught completely off guard." She sounded irritated, but Veronica knew her well enough by now to know that she wasn't.

Veronica sat up abruptly. "Oh, no. What did they do to you?"

"Well, it's not so much what they did to _me_ ... ." Jo broke off her story as she smiled out the window. "Come check this out."

The First-Floor Goon Squad, as she and Jo affectionately called them, was a group of arrogant, entitled bullies who made it their summer goal to prove that the two women shouldn't be there, sharing the FBI internship experience with their betters.

From derogatory and insulting comments to deliberate sabotage during group projects and competitions, Veronica and Jo had reached their limits weeks ago. And, they had begun to fight back.

"Look." Jo pointed at the parking lot and the crowd of interns surrounding a car that looked like it had been completely stripped. Tires, wheels, even the antenna was gone. She pointed at the scene like a proud parent watching a pee-wee soccer game.

Veronica couldn't stop her laughter. "Tell me this was you? How did you ..."

"Well, let's just say, I know a guy." Jo smiled proudly. "You're not the only one with nefarious connections, Mars."

Their revelry was cut short with a loud knock on their door. Apparently, the intern program supervisor had grown weary of the constant pranks and intended to make an example of the guilty party or parties. That would be Jo and Veronica.

The black mark in their temporary files and stern talking-to were things Veronica would have scoffed at in the past, but for some reason, this encounter really rattled her.

_Is this how my life is always going to be; constantly fighting against the establishment and those who think I shouldn't be there, no matter where "there" is? I know the drill. These fights will grow and grow until someone gets ... . _She froze.

_Hurt._ Her Dad had been hurt. He had suffered an enormous loss because of her.

Logan. Well, he hadn't been physically hurt, thank God, after the whole Gory beat down in the cafeteria. Jake Kane and Clarence Wiedman had been unwilling, but necessary advocates in that situation. Even though Logan was physically unscathed, there was no way she could ever say she hadn't hurt him.

Wallace had been hurt, too, by her insistence that he probe the Castle's interview process. She had even put Mac in jeopardy by having her break into Jake Kane's hard drive.

The perils of her life in Neptune, coupled with the trouble she found herself in during her internship, hit her like a freight train. _I'm still doing it. I'm 20 years-old and have more skeletons in my closet than Al Capone_, she mused. Her Dad was right. _I need to change some things._

Her last phone conversation with Logan was that same night. She had made some decisions. Logan was out. Piz was in.

_I can't keep this slightly inappropriate flirtatious relationship with my ex while I'm dating someone else. No, that's not me._

_And, I don't need the fast, action movie life and all the pain and uncertainty that goes with it. I just need a life I can be satisfied with. I life that challenges me without destroying me and everyone else around me. I'm getting off the roller coaster._

_**End Flashback**_

And, that's when Veronica's FBI aspirations died a quick and painless death, and contentment became her new ambition.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

The Fall semester started without a hitch. With a few minor changes to her schedule, Veronica was firmly planted on her new path. Unfortunately, that new path led her into a collision course with someone from her old one.

Logan. _Well, of course._ She _was_ taking more business courses now. Why hand't she factored in the possibility of seeing Logan in some of her new classes?

She stood at the classroom door, double checking the room number. _Yep. Rm. 256. Business Law. Great._

He was staring at her when she looked back in his direction. They both just stared, neither budging. _This is just ridiculous_, she thought as she forced a smile, gave him a small wave and walked over.

"Hi, Logan. This seat taken?"

"You realize this is a business class, right?" His smile was soft and playful.

"You realize I could hurt you with my bare hands, right?" He laughed out loud at her comment.

"Can I sit here or not, Echolls?"

"Be my guest."

She busied herself with getting her notebook and pen out of her bag, trying to avoid the awkwardness that was certain to surround their first interaction since the disastrous phone conversation this summer.

Surely, their professor would be there soon.

"So," Logan began after several moments of awkward silence. "How did _your_ summer vacation end? I know mine ended with a huge _fiesta_." He fanned his hands out, and looked toward the ceiling as he reminisced. "Ah, waves, beaches, bikinis, brews ... good times."

"Well, that's a relief," Veronica said without looking at him. "I mean, I had it on good authority that you had _changed._ That would have set the world on its axis. I'm so glad some things _never_ change."

"Yes, well, I didn't really have anything to change for anymore. Besides, why fight your primal nature, right?"

"Hmm. That's so poetic, Logan. Or wait, is that _pathetic?_"

They stared at each other with tight-lipped smiles. Veronica knew they were on the verge of going from snarky to nasty, but so far, neither seemed willing to make that leap.

Logan caved first. "So, what's up with you taking Business Law? Are you really that desperate to see me?"

Veronica hesitated. She did _not_ want to have this conversation with him.

"Yes, Logan, that's it." She decided to ignore him and started checking messages on her phone.

He seemed frustrated that she refused to play and continued probing. "Seriously, Veronica. You told me which classes you were taking this summer, and Business Law was not even in the same stratosphere as your other classes. What happened to, 'The Criminal Mind,' 'Profiling,' and my personal favorite, 'Forensic Photography?'"

"So, you can remember every class I told you I _might_ take, but you can't remember ..."

She stopped as their professor walked in and began lecturing before he even made it to the podium.

_Why do I always let him get under my skin?_

She had heard about Logan's late-summer exploits. To be fair, who hadn't heard? Apparently, he went completely wild after they stopped talking regularly. He and Dick had taken partying to a new, international level.

Veronica was not surprised. That is who she always expected Logan to be. So, of course, this is when he wouldn't disappoint her.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"I think it's great," Piz told her as they studied together on the sofa in her apartment. "I mean, you can do a lot with a business minor."

"Yeah," she agreed. "It's not exactly what I saw myself doing, but ..."

"What's that?" Keith Mars asked as he adjusted his tie and walked into the kitchen.

"You know, her new business minor," Piz told Keith as he opened the fridge and pulled out the water pitcher.

"My daughter, the mogul?" Keith joked and looked over at her.

"Not exactly." Veronica knew she needed to discuss this with her Dad. She just didn't want to do it in front of Piz.

"Would this have anything to do with this letter I received from Hearst?" Her Dad paused as he pulled an envelope out of his jacket. "'Dear parents of Veronica Mars.' That's me," he said as he pointed at himself and smiled at Veronica. "Yadda, yadda. Your student has changed his or her degree plan and ..."

"Hey, that should have come to me," Veronica jumped off the sofa and walked to her father, taking the letter from his hands. "I'm not a minor anymore."

"I guess they figure whoever posts your bail should get the academic notifications, too." He laughed at his joke, but frowned when Veronica didn't respond.

"Veronica, is everything o.k.?" Keith looked at Piz, who shrugged his shoulders as he walked over to Veronica, putting his arm around her waist.

She looked up at Piz and smiled. "Hey, would you mind if I catch up with you on campus tomorrow morning? I need to talk to my Dad."

"Sure. I'll meet you before your first class." He leaned down and kissed her briefly. "Goodnight, Mr. Mars. See you tomorrow, Veronica."

Piz gathered his books and she walked him out.

"Look, whatever it is, we'll ... ." Keith looked worried as she turned back from the door.

"Dad, it's not bad. It's just ... I ... this summer ..."

"Honey, just tell me. We can handle anything - anything - just as long as you're honest with me."

Veronica's mouth opened and closed slightly as she gathered her thoughts.

"Let me help you this time, Veronica." His concerned expression melted her heart.

"C'mon, Dad. I haven't joined a crime syndicate. I just changed my minor." She fell back on humor, her old standby.

"I listened to you this summer. I made some new choices."

Her Dad looked at her expectantly. "Yes, that's good. And ... ."

"I don't want to work for the FBI anymore. I don't want to do this," she waved between them, "type of work anymore."

Keith looked at her with total disbelief.

"I screwed up, Dad, with the Castle. I put ..."

"Veronica, we don't have to ..."

Veronica backed away from him and pointed at herself as she spoke. "We do. _I_ do. I ruined your chance at the job, no, the life you love. I put Mac and Wallace in danger. Logan could have been killed. Everyone I care about ..."

"Veronica, we've all had cases that have gone bad; that we couldn't solve in time. That's just ..."

"No, Dad. This was different. And then, during my internship, I realized that all I knew anymore was sneaking around, lying to the people I love, and risking everything for things that didn't mean anything to me in the long run. That's not the life I want. That's not a life I can ..."

"O.k., Veronica, I want you to tell me what happened at FBI Camp this summer."

"Dad, it's nothing like that. It's just that as I was sitting in the supervisor's office, being chastised for fighting back, I realized that I've been fighting back for so long. That's all I know how to do anymore."

He nodded.

"I didn't know what it was like to just _be_ anymore; to be normal or content with my life."

"O.k., so how does changing your minor factor in to all of this?"

"Well, I've done some research and found a way to merge my love of investigating and solving mysteries with a safer, less tumultuous career." She paused for effect. "I want to be a corporate security specialist."

She smiled brightly and looked up at her Dad hopefully.

"I can still investigate, but everything would be ... well, safer."

"Come here," Keith hugged her fiercely and then pulled her away slightly to look into her eyes. "You are brilliant and courageous and talented and fierce and can do anything - _anything_, Veronica - you set your mind to."

"I want the very best for you. But, only you can say what that looks like. If this new path is that for you, then I'm all for it."

He held on to her for another minute, and then moved his hands to her face.

"I was worried about you before you left. I talked to you about those things because I want you to be safe, and experience the very best that life has to offer. I don't want you to miss anything. But, as worried as I was about danger and risk hurting you, I'm just as worried about you hiding from life or playing it safe. That may be what _I_ want - to keep you safe and locked away in a vault somewhere. But, that's not you, Veronica."

Her startled eyes locked with his.

"That's not what I'm ..."

"I know. I'm probably way off base here. But, indulge your old man with this."

He smiled, and she nodded for him to continue.

"I want you to _be_ safe; physically safe. But, hiding out in your career, relationships ... your life ... will lead to regrets, just as much as living recklessly will. The key, Veronica, is finding the 'in between.'"

Veronica was stunned. She thought he might be disappointed that she wasn't choosing the FBI. But, she also thought he would be thrilled that her new career path took her further away from the PI life and closer to the glass and chrome-encased world of corporate America.

"I can't believe I'm saying this," he laughed and placed his hand on his forehead. "But, I don't want you to make a decision like this because it's the _safe_ thing. Or, because you're afraid, or running from something."

"O.k., Dad, you realize that you are completely contradicting yourself here?" She pulled away and went to the fridge.

"No, I'm really not. I cautioned you about just letting life happen to you and to not lead a life of regrets. The path you were on, Veronica ... well, I was just concerned."

"Yeah, I got that, Dad."

"But, now I'm concerned for a different reason. It's just not like you to take the easy route."

"Easy? You think completing a major in criminal justice with a minor in business is easy?"

"That's not what I mean and you know it. I just want you to choose what you want; what you _really_ want, Veronica. I want you to choose without the influence of crazy, adrenaline rushes and death-defying risks. But, I also want you to choose without the influence of fear, and an attempt to control every external detail because you've had some scary stuff happen to you."

Veronica was beginning to feel claustrophobic as the conversation continued. "Geez, Dad. Maybe you should just leave your 'How to live the Perfect Life' manual out for me tomorrow morning. I'll be sure to follow it to the letter."

"Thanks for the support." She smiled insincerely and walked to her room, slamming the door behind her.

_I hate fighting with him. I know he's trying to help. I thought I was doing what he wanted; what everyone wanted. It seems that I can't please the people in my life, no matter what I do._

Veronica tossed and turned all night and left early the next morning, avoiding her Dad and any possibility of continuing their conversation for a while.

She mentally ticked off the events of her day as she drove to campus. _Oh, crap. Business Law._

She and Logan got along fairly well now. It was just that he made her uncomfortable. He was so wild and ... _free_.

_That's an odd way to describe him_, Veronica thought as she walked toward the School of Business.

He had friends, and actually attended classes. He dated ... a lot. Or, at least that's what she thought. He didn't talk about it with her. But, she had heard that he had been with a string of girls since the semester began. In completely honest moments, Veronica acknowledged that she still cared way too much what or _who_ Logan did.

But the real reason she felt uncomfortable around him had more to do with her than him. He seemed happier with his life than she did with hers right now. He was living the life he really wanted.

And, as crazy as it sounded, she almost resented that Logan could be so carefree and happy. Without any real ambition. Without any real focus. Without her.

_I should be happy for him_, she lectured herself on the way to class. Instead, in comparison with his happy, carefree life, hers was beginning to feel stifling.

Veronica would never vocalize it, but she _really_ missed her PI cases. She missed doing what she loved; what came naturally. Part of her new "contentment campaign" and safety-first focus meant that she had stopped taking cases.

Her dark thoughts left her very grumpy as she walked into class, threw down her bag and sat roughly in her seat.

"Hmmm ... I wouldn't say that I'm the most perceptive guy in the world, but something tells me all is not right in your world." He looked at her with raised brows and an inquisitive smile.

"Not today, Logan."

"Oh, c'mon. Today is the perfect day for this discussion. I'm remarkably clear-headed and itching for a ... Wait. Let me guess - Radar broke up with you? He finally found your headless Barbie collection and ..."

"I said, 'not today.'" She stared stone-faced toward the front of the classroom, just willing Logan to defy her. She _hated_ his new nickname for Piz. Radar. _I will not let him get to me today._

"O.k., Veronica, what's going on? Did you two really ..."

She whipped around in her seat toward him. "Are you just incapable of doing what I ask, Logan? Can you just for once listen to me and put _my_ wishes before yours?"

He looked stunned, and then laughed loudly as he turned more toward her. "You have got to be kidding me. I have spent the majority of the last four years ... "

Their professor walked in, ending Logan's retort. But, Veronica felt like her head would explode if she sat beside him for one more minute. So, she ran.

She bolted out of her seat, grabbed her bag and moved quickly through the crowded classroom, ignoring the curious glances of her classmates and professor.

_Breathe, Veronica._ She told herself over and over as she walked to the food court.

She was completely oblivious to everything around her as she sat at her table in front of the bagel place. She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear Logan approach.

"Hey," he said softly as he touched her shoulder.

She jumped slightly and looked up. "Not one of my better performances, huh?" She tried for levity, but it fell flat.

"Mind if I sit down?"

She nodded and gestured toward a chair.

"I didn't realize how upset you were, Veronica. I'm sorry about ... ." He pointed toward the School of Business.

She nodded, but didn't say anything, so he continued.

"So ... what's going on? Is it you and Piz? Did you guys ...?"

"No, Logan. It's nothing like that."

"Oh, o.k. Well ..."

"It's complicated."

Logan nodded and then smiled. "If you use small, monosyllabic words, I _might_ be able to understand." He adjusted in his chair, stretching his legs out beside the table and crossing his legs at the ankles.

She glared at him, but smiled back.

"I'm just saying that I'm here if you want to talk about it. That's all." Logan leaned back further and put his hands behind his head.

Something about his expression and body language completely disarmed her and she found herself telling him everything. She told him about her father's talk before she left for the FBI. She told him about her experiences during the summer. She even told him about changing her minor and her new career focus.

He didn't say anything the entire time she spoke, but as soon as she finished, he unclasped his hands and leaned forward. "Can I ask you something, Veronica?"

"I guess. You've probably earned it after listening to all that."

"What do _you_ want?"

"Not you, too, Logan." She dropped her head onto her arms laying on the table.

"No, look. I'm not trying for ultra deep here," Logan reached over and lifted her chin. "I'm just curious about whether your life is going the way you want it to."

"I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not. I thought I was being mature, but now ..."

"There _is_ a middle, you know," he said softly.

"I'm sorry. Could you be any more cryptic?" She sat back up as she felt annoyance creeping in to her mind and tone.

"I'm just saying that you don't have to either be pedal to the metal, on fire, risking your life every day, or ... on the verge of becoming the most boring person on the planet. There has to be something in between."

"Well, thanks for that trite summary of my life, Logan. But, you know, I don't remember hiring you as my life coach. As a matter of fact, I'm pretty sure if I were advertising for that position, you'd be the very _last_ person I'd choose." The venom in her words reverberated around them.

He looked stricken. "Well, I guess that's my cue to leave. I hope you figure this out. I really do, Ronnie." He pushed his chair back and moved to stand up.

"Now, look who's running away," Veronica said snidely.

He stayed in his seat but put both hands on the table, leaning toward her. "I get it, Veronica. You hate your life right now; the choices you're making. But, that's not my fault. I _was_ trying to help you; to be your friend."

"Yeah, you're all sorts of helpful."

Veronica saw the anger flash through his eyes. "Wow. I'm surprised, Veronica. I'm typically the one lashing out in self-pity."

"Shut up, Logan."

"I don't think I will. I think you need to hear some things; like how this new, bitter, lack of ambition thing really doesn't suit you. But, then again, maybe it goes hand-in-hand with all your other choices."

"Excuse me?" she asked angrily.

"Radar? _Piz?_ I just really can't see it, that's all." He kept on, even as her eyes narrowed dangerously. "But, then again, I don't really know this version of you that well, do I? I mean, not that I haven't seen it before. It's the bland, one-dimensional, settling version of you I only see when you're dating someone else."

Her chair hit the floor with a loud clatter, and she walked through the food court exit before Logan could even stand up.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica ended up at the beach later that day. Dog Beach. She walked for hours, thinking about everything and everyone - Piz, her Dad, Mac, Wallace, Logan ... Piz.

She hadn't seen him in days. How could that be? She stopped walking and turned back toward the parking lot.

Half an hour later, she knocked on his dorm room door.

"Veronica," he smiled and leaned against the door jam. "I was just thinking about you."

"Hey," she smiled, reaching up to kiss his cheek.

"Are you o.k.? You don't look so good." Piz stepped aside and motioned for her to come in.

She looked around, noticing that Wallace wasn't in the room.

"Yeah, I'm o.k. It was just a bad day."

"Well, I have the cure." He picked up his guitar and pointed toward his bed, asking her to sit. "You have to hear this new song. I've been working out the melody, but I think ..."

"Piz," Veronica placed her hand on his arm and silently asked him to sit with her. "I need to talk to you."

"O.k." He set his guitar in the case on the floor and sat down next to her. "You're not o.k., are you? _We're_ not o.k.?"

"I haven't seen you in days. Did you notice that?"

He looked at the floor, avoiding eye contact with her. "Yeah, I guess I just ... I didn't want to seem too needy. I know that used to bother you with ..."

She nodded her head and then stood up to pace around his dorm room.

"Are you o.k. with the way things are? Between us?" She clasped her hands together and looked at him nervously.

He nodded and stood up to join her, grasping her hands and wrapping her in a hug. "Veronica, just the fact that you even look at me, or say my name and smile is enough to keep me going for the rest of my life."

"But ... maybe it shouldn't be, Piz." She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "You should expect more than ... this." She pointed between the two of them.

"I love you, Veronica." He smiled and looked deeply into her eyes. "It's o.k. You don't have to say anything. I know that's hard for you. I just want to be here for you; to be in your life."

Leaving campus, Veronica felt more weary and tired than she could remember. She went home and fell into bed, barely making time to brush her teeth and change into her pajamas.

Sleep was fitful that night, and filled with tormenting dreams - menacing criminals, arguments with her Dad, fights with Logan and then, Piz's smiling face. She never argued with him.

Veronica rolled over and looked at the clock - 3:04 a.m. It was insanely early and she was unbelievably tired. She fluffed her pillow, punching it a little as she prepared to fight against her old nemesis - sleep - one more time.

3:47 a.m., and still nothing. It was pointless. Sleep wasn't happening tonight; at least, not this way. Maybe there was one, safe place she could go to make it better.

As if on auto-pilot, she dressed and drove to see him. She argued with herself the whole way there. If she went through with this, it would change their entire relationship. It would possibly change the entire course of her life.

She was choosing. She knew that.

Not remembering how she got there, Veronica lifted her hand to knock. She paused one more time. Visions of a future with this man filled her thoughts. A good future. A safe future. She knocked. He opened.

"Veronica?" he questioned groggily. "Is everything o.k.?" He stepped back and let her in. Wallace was gone for the weekend at an away basketball game, so she knew they would be alone.

She mustered her courage and spoke softly. "I choose you, Piz," she said, lifting her arms around his neck. "I choose you."

The plane dipped slightly. Her eyes opened slowly and she tried to adjust to the dim cabin lights. A wave of panic flooded through her as she struggled with her dream. For a brief moment, it seemed real and Veronica couldn't remember where she was.

_Oh yeah, I'm going home. _Her conscious mind quickly remembered her dream._ That was ... wow._

_What a bizarre... dream. Was that all a dream?_

She lifted the window shade and realized she was nowhere near California yet. Memories of her summer in Virginia flooded through her mind. _Yep, just a dream._

She didn't want to risk another crazy, unsettling dream, so Veronica settled back and started thinking back over the last three months.

The last part of her dream - the Piz part - hit on something she had learned about herself this summer.

_"Normal" or "safe" may be what I crave, especially when the demons come out. But, it's not what satisfies me._

The Duncans and Pizes of the world looked good ... in theory. _ I will always be drawn to men like that; friends like that._

But, her heart and soul will always go after the ... well, the other kind. _And, we all know how well that has turned out for me so far._

The first part of her dream - the Logan part - broke her heart. Each passing minute caused details of her dream to fade. But, she remembered one thing. She had hurt him terribly. Maybe that was easier to remember because it was a lot more realistic than her choosing to spend her life with Piz.

Honest introspection. This was a new skill she had picked up this summer. She smiled faintly as she remembered how she had honed that particular skill.

_**Flashback**_

"Something I can do for you, Miss Mars?" Agent Wentz didn't look up from the file he was reading.

"Um, yeah. I wanted to talk with you, about earlier." Veronica had stared down gang leaders, mobsters, murderers, rapists, school bullies and whole slew of angry, unfaithful spouses. But, standing in this office made her feel more unsure of herself than she had in years.

Agent Wentz closed the file and pulled his reading glasses off, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "What is it, Mars? Want me to guess your weight next?"

"No. You said some things ... some troubling things. I guess I just wondered how you ... I mean, why you ..."

"Look." He motioned for her to take a seat in one of the chairs in front of his desk. "Veronica. Do you mind if I call you Veronica?" She shook her head and he continued. "I've been doing this a long time. And, the truth is ... this business attracts a certain type of person. This field attracts ... well, people like you."

She stared at him blankly. He laughed.

"I know. You're probably used to feeling like you're one of a kind, right?" His words stung, but his tone wasn't mean.

He leaned back in his chair, assessing her.

"You're a risk-taker; an adrenaline junkie. In your small pond in ..." he paused as he typed in a few words on his keyboard. "Uh ... yeah, Neptune. In your small pond in Neptune, CA, you're probably quite unusual."

"You _know_ you're right in every situation. And, I would venture to guess that being right is more important than pretty much anything else in your life." His eyebrows lifted and he looked at her inquisitively. He continued when she didn't disagree with him.

"You're driven, ambitious. You're all or nothing, one extreme or another." His expression softened. "And, you're also a bit broken and wounded."

She winced. Veronica knew he had read her file, and that his assessment on that point was based more on knowledge of facts than on profiling genius.

He returned to business as usual as he finished his expose. "Because of all of this, and I would venture to say, your life experiences, too, you've learned to compartmentalize and do what you think needs to be done in pretty much any situation. So much so that you have the potential to become a top-rate FBI agent some day; maybe one of the best."

She smiled and started to thank him, but he continued.

"Unfortunately, all of this may also lead to you being a pretty miserable human being."

Her smile fell. She felt as if someone had knocked the breath out of her. _Not what I was expecting to hear._

"If I were you," he told her with a pointed look. "I would hold out for something better than that."

_**End Flashback**_

Oddly enough, Agent Wentz had become Veronica's mentor and confidant over the summer. She respected him and knew he would tell her the truth, even when she didn't want to hear it.

_O.k., especially when I didn't want to hear it._

_It's weird_, she thought, _that dream had some truth in it_. _ I could see all of those things happening in my life._

She shuddered. _But, they don't have to._

She smiled as she thought about how Agent Wentz, or Howie as she called him in private, had affected her over the summer. Something the Logan in her dream said really resonated. She didn't have to live in the extremes. In actuality, she knew her "dream Logan" was really just her subconscious mind's attempt at processing something her mentor had told her before she left Virginia.

_**Flashback**_

"You're gonna be fine, Mars." Agent Wentz patted her shoulder as he helped his wife clear the dinner table. "I expect to hear great things from you in the not-to-distant future."

"Yeah, I'm sure you do," she said sarcastically.

"I mean it. You're not the same girl who showed up here 12 weeks ago - all combative, vindictive and self righteous."

"Hey ... " She gasped at his characterization of her and tried to interrupt.

"You know I'm right." He laughed when she smiled. "Anyway, I see you making some amazing choices now and going after that life you've told me you wanted."

He smiled at his wife as she joined them at the table with coffee.

"And trust me, you're learning this a heck of a lot earlier than many of us did."

He glanced at his wife and continued.

"The key is found in the middle, kid. It's always in the middle."

He placed his elbows on the table and leaned closer to Veronica. "You're a force to be reckoned with, Mars; always will be. And, you don't have to change who you are or what you love to be true to yourself; who you were designed to be. You just have to know how to channel those things with good decisions so you don't wind up some bitter, washed up ..."

"Yeah, I know. You've more than covered what my future could hold for me. Thanks for that, by the way. That image wakes me up in cold sweats several nights a week now."

He laughed. "Hey, it's just part of my public service. I'm here to help."

_**End Flashback**_

The captain's voice over the intercom brought Veronica back to the present as she learned that they were beginning their descent into LAX.

She put away her iPod and stowed her messenger bag for landing.

Leaning closer to the window, Veronica saw the sprawling metropolis below. _Time to face the music, _she told herself. That phrase sounded familiar. _Oh yeah, my dream._

She smiled and settled back into her seat. _I'm not dreaming anymore._

_O.k., Veronica, it's a new school year; a somewhat fresh start; a new outlook on life. Try not to screw it up this time._

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels.

There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It's so good to see you._

_- To be continued -_

_**AN: Many thanks to all of you who have hung in there through these dream sequences. They are frustrating, I know, for those of us who want the quick, happy ending. But, they were necessary to work out the "what could have been" aspect of this story. I don't plan for there to be anymore - next chapter will be dream-free. Huge relief, huh? Thanks for reading!**_


	4. Chapter 4  The Long Road, Part I

_Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, the characters, story lines or anything related to the television show._

_**AN: You guys are so smart! You figured out what was coming next. Or, maybe I'm just becoming too predictable? No, all of you are super smart! Thanks so much for the interaction and feedback.**_

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter 4 - The Long Road, Part I**_

Making her way toward baggage claim, Veronica took a deep breath. She adjusted the hem of her shirt, fixed her smile and walked toward the luggage carousels. There he was, leaning against a column and waiting for her. Her smile widened and became completely genuine. _It's so good to see you._

"Dad. _Dad!_" Veronica ran toward him just as he saw her through the crowd. He met her in front of the escalator and hugged her tightly, spinning around several times.

"Oh, Veronica," he said as he tried to catch his breath. "I missed you, daughter."

"Me, too." She pulled away and smiled hugely at him. "Me, too."

They talked and laughed easily as they gathered her bags and fought their way through the crowd toward the parking lot.

"I want to know everything, everything," he demanded as they pulled onto the interstate. "Begin at the beginning."

"Dad, relax. We have plenty of time. And, besides, we talked several times a week all summer. You _know_ everything. Right now," she said as she patted his arm across the seat, "I want to know about _Alicia_."

Keith rolled his eyes, shaking his head in resignation.

"Alright. I'm assuming you aren't letting this go." Veronica stared at him expectantly, shaking her head. "So, I might as well spill it if I ever want to get anything about your summer out of you."

She nodded with a big smile.

"O.k. Alicia and I ran into each other right after both you and Wallace left this summer."

He continued the story - most of which she had already heard from Wallace. But, she wanted to hear it from her Dad. He was happy; really happy.

Veronica leaned back in the passenger seat and closed her eyes as her Dad continued the story of his rekindled romance with her best friend's Mom.

_Maybe a Mars really can find a happy ending in Neptune._

Veronica and her father spent the entire weekend together, catching up. Even still, she could tell he was having a difficult time leaving her to go to work Monday morning.

"So, you guys are spending the day here?" He cleaned up his breakfast dishes as he asked her the question for the third time.

She had gone over her day's social plan several times already with him, but she knew he was just adjusting to having her home. And, he had really missed her.

So, she humored him.

"Yeah, we're planning a whole day of movies, ice cream ... debauchery." She smiled innocently.

Keith glared at her with raised eyebrows. "Not funny, Veronica."

She laughed. "C'mon, Dad. A tiny bit funny?" She held up two fingers, showing her estimation of "a tiny bit."

She walked to the sink and took his bowl from him, setting it down so she could put her arms around his waist. "We'll probably hang out here most of the day. And then, maybe take Backup to the beach. I've missed that."

He hugged her back and kissed the top of her head.

"Sounds like a nice day. Wallace and Mac?"

She nodded, with her head still on his shoulder. She had also told him _that_ three times. She knew who he really wanted to know about - her ex-boyfriend.

Keith pulled away from their hug slightly so he could look into her eyes. "So, just the three of you then, no ..."

She shook her head slowly. "He's not back yet. But, even if he were, I'm not sure he's ready."

He wrapped her back into the hug. "Hmmm ... How're you doing about that?"

She pulled away and busied herself with rinsing his dishes.

"You know, this is a little weird, but I'm really o.k."

She finished her task and leaned against the counter. "I know it will be an adjustment, especially since we share the same friends. But, I really do still care about him. And, l'll be here, to be his friend, whenever he's ready."

Keith nodded and smiled at her. "I'm proud of you, Honey. You're really handling this very maturely."

She nodded thoughtfully as she remembered her last conversation with the boy she cared about, but still hurt. "Yeah, this maturity thing? Kinda sucks."

_**Flashback**_

_I love New York_, she thought wistfully as she stepped off the train. Veronica looked at her watch, calculating the amount of time she had before they would meet.

Piz normally worked evenings, but since this was a holiday weekend, his shift had changed at the last minute.

Her visit to see him was very last minute, too, so she didn't mind that he wasn't free for a few hours. Besides, she loved this city and relished the opportunity to spend a few hours wandering the bustling streets.

_Now, where to begin._

In the end, she had spent the four hours until Piz met her eating lunch at a small cafe and sitting in a park. A park she didn't even know the name of.

She laughed when she looked at her watch. "I just wasted four hours in my favorite city doing absolutely nothing," she said as she walked out of the park toward the subway.

She wasn't really upset. _This isn't a vacation_, she told herself. She had a lot on her mind and wanted to work through everything before she saw him. Piz deserved that much from her.

He had been thrilled when she asked about visiting for the July 4th weekend. He hadn't asked why she suddenly wanted to see him. He never probed. That had been one of the things she had always liked about him. But now, she realized that it was just another way she had forced someone she cared about to conform to her "issues."

"Veronica!" He walked toward her with his arms open wide. "I can't believe you're here," he said as he hugged and kissed her lightly.

They walked down the street, holding hands and talking about their day. It was easy and relaxed, and so much like their relationship that Veronica wanted to cry; well, if she were the crying type.

The whole weekend passed just the same way. They talked and laughed. He took her to his favorite clubs and ranted about the over-commercialization of the music industry. He slept on the couch, sensing that she wasn't ready to rekindle what there had been of their physical relationship.

It was a really nice weekend. So nice, that it was now three hours before her train left and she hadn't done what she came to do.

"So, we still have a few hours. I thought we could go to that music store on ..."

"Piz," she interrupted softly. "We need to talk."

Veronica boarded the train a few hours later. Her heart hurt for her friend. He thought he would never get over her. She knew he would. She had been open and honest, telling him how much she cared about him. But, she assured him, he deserved better than someone who couldn't fully commit to him.

She had realized weeks earlier, after her first encounter with Agent Wentz, that she was using Piz as a sort of "place holder." To be completely honest, she had known this was coming since "the drama" in the Hearst food court two months ago.

Her feelings for him weren't forever kind of feelings. His feelings for her were. They had dated long enough to know that much. That's what made it wrong.

So, after paring away all the excuses and denials, she had known what she had to do. Choices. Decisions. Bit by bit. One by one. She was rebuilding her life.

_**End Flashback**_

"I'm sorry, Kiddo," her Dad said as he squeezed her arms gently, but reassuringly. "I know that was a tough thing to do."

"It was," she said sadly. "But, it was also the _right_ thing to do. That's what makes it o.k."

She looked up and switched into her "playful daughter" role. "Now, Daddio," she joked as she moved to the door and opened it for him. "It's off to work you go."

Veronica closed the door after her father left and leaned against it, contemplating her day. She only had two hours before her friends arrived. There were still a few things she wanted to do. A slow smile spread across her face. Decision made, she headed to her room to change.

She was already rethinking her decision as she stood outside his door with her hand raised to knock. _He's my friend_, she reminded herself. _And, I miss him._ She knocked.

Logan opened the door, smiling hugely. He was fully dressed, but had wet hair and a towel around his neck.

"Well, Mars," he said as he laughed lightly. "I see you _literally_ came running over to see me."

He pointed at her, taking in her running clothes, iPod and slightly sweat-dampened hair.

"Yeah, well, don't get too full of yourself just yet, _Echolls_," she joked back. "I'm in a hurry and can't stay. I just wanted to say, 'hello,' and invite you to hang out with us - me, Mac and Wallace - this week."

He looked at her questioningly.

"Alright, I guess you can bring Dick, too. If you must."

He laughed again. "Well, you're in luck. He's not back yet, and won't be until next week."

"Hmmm... that worked out perfectly then, didn't it?" She smiled brightly at him.

"So, when is this 'hanging out' thing happening?"

"Let me talk to them and see what their plans are. But, I was thinking maybe Wednesday we could spend the day at the beach or do something else very California-ish. I've been homesick," she said, holding his gaze.

"Sounds good. Have your people call my people with the details," he smirked at her and leaned in, making a sniffing noise.

"Yeah," he said with disdain. "Don't expect me to give you a 'welcome home' hug like ... that."

"Hey, did you hear me asking for a 'welcome home' hug?" She stuck her tongue out and turned to leave.

Smiling, Logan watched her walk toward the elevator.

"Veronica, wait," he said as he jogged after her. "I guess I can risk it." He grabbed her and hugged her tightly. "Welcome home, Ronnie," he whispered in her ear. "I missed you, too."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica eased back into her Neptune life when classes started. Between her full load of challenging coursework, work study job at the library and her part-time work at Mars Investigations, Veronica knew she would be busy. She knew how to do busy. What she didn't know how to do well was balance.

But, she was determined to learn. _That's what college is for, right?_

And, she was more determined than ever to learn how to balance the important relationships in her life with the work she loved. Agent Wentz had been relentless in his insistence that she hear him on that issue.

_**Flashback**_

"You know why it was so easy for me to profile you that day, Mars?"

Her new mentor sounded casual as he moved around the room, setting up for the next seminar. But, she had learned not to trust his tone. He was a master at disguising his emotions and intent in any conversation.

She shook her head.

"It's because I've seen a hundred versions of you over the years." He laughed at her expression. "I know, this is probably a huge blow to your ego. You thought you were completely original with this, 'you against the world' crusade, right?"

She raised her hand in mock deference. "Excuse me. Is it possible to make it through one of of these special teaching moments without you insulting me, Agent Wentz?"

He chuckled. She knew he was actually very fond of her. That's probably the only reason he put up with her sarcasm and barbs.

"Yeah, I don't think so," he snarked back.

"Anyway, where was I? Oh, yeah. So, all of you hotshots are from different backgrounds, experiences, etcetera. But, you all have one thing in common - you crave adrenaline."

She interrupted him again. "Haven't we covered this already? Adrenaline? Risk? Bad. I get it."

"Humor me, Mars." He waited to be sure she was finished interrupting him. Convinced that she was, he continued.

"You all seem to only know how to function when everything is amped up - relationships, work performance, personal satisfaction, etcetera are all only at their best when you're in crisis mode." He looked at her, willing her to disagree.

She rolled her eyes, but didn't stop him.

She remembered some crisis moments in her life - a burning refrigerator, a hotel rooftop, a pool table in a seedy bar and a locked dorm room - and she knew his assessment was right.

"The highs are high and the lows are low, Veronica. This works out great for the FBI - they get completely driven agents who are not satisfied in their personal lives or anywhere else except work. Agents working around the clock to solve the case du jour."

He shook his head and pointed at some of the agents in framed photos on the wall. "But, this doesn't work out so well for the people themselves. These agents leave a wake of failed relationships, abandoned spouses and children, and typically end up with vices they wish they didn't have, unhappiness they can't change and regrets they can't shake."

He stopped what he was doing and looked at her with a soft smile. "Trust me, that's no life, Veronica."

She stared back at him, immobilized, soaking in everything he said. She knew he was, once again, describing what could be in her life, too. It was almost too much.

She flung her head back dramatically. "Oh good Lord, remind me again why I come here for these encouragement sessions?"

"Oh, I think we both know why you keep coming back," he said arrogantly.

She looked at him with a curious smile.

"I'm way cheaper than therapy," he said with a smirk.

_**End Flashback**_

So, Veronica was intent on nurturing her relationships with the same vigor she poured into her school and work. _Howie would be proud_, she mused as she planned her schedule for the week.

Tuesdays and Thursdays were quickly becoming her favorite days of the week. She just had one class, her favorite class - "Profiling." After a few hours working in the library, she stopped by the office to send out invoices, do the filing or get a jump on any cases she could finagle from her Dad. And then, Tuesday and Thursday afternoons were spent with her friends. Well, lately it seemed that she spent most of them with one friend in particular. Logan.

Her determination to make time for her friends was a crucial part of the commitment she made to herself during her summer in Virginia. Her friends were important to her and had always been there when she needed them. They deserved more from her than just fleeting texts or phone calls, asking for help with her cases.

Sure, she would still need their help, from time to time. But, she also needed their friendship. And, they needed hers.

Another new wrinkle in her friendship commitment was the inclusion of Logan into this category. He had made efforts to mend fences with Wallace, and even Piz. He and Mac were already friends. He and Parker had even reached a detente. So, his transition to full-fledged friend status within the group was fairly easy.

It was all still a little new for Veronica, though. Since the old, Fab Four days she and Logan had never really just been friends. Sure, they had been enemies. They had been lovers. And, back before they really knew each other, or themselves, they had been innocent friends. Even then, though, their friendship was always shrouded in the shadow of the Kane siblings they loved. This was different.

She and Logan had talked about that during the summer. Surprisingly, they had talked about a lot of things they never had before. That's when they had decided that rebuilding their friendship was important to both of them.

_**Flashback**_

"You and Piz ... broke up?" He asked with a hint of something, maybe uncertainty, she thought, in his voice.

She filled him in on her trip and breakup with Piz during a phone chat the Wednesday after her New York trip.

"Yeah. It was the right thing to do. He deserved better than what I was giving him," she explained sadly.

"That's why you went to New York last weekend? Why didn't you tell me that's why you were going?"

"I thought _he_ should know before you did, Logan." She tried to sound exasperated with his question, but her words just sounded like teasing.

"I went because I didn't want to tell him over the phone. And, I didn't want to wait until we both got back to Neptune. I want him to have time to get over me, or us, and to work through this before classes begin. I think we both need that."

"Well, I do have some experience in this field, so I know he'll definitely need some time. But, I feel sorry for the guy. I don't know that anyone ever really gets over Veronica Mars."

She ignored that comment and continued. "Anyway, as I was saying, I just wanted to do right by him. I hope that he can be my friend again some day."

"Wow. This is all so very mature of you, Miss Mars."

"Well, thanks for that. Coming from you ..."

"Now, now, Ronnie. Let's not say something we'll regret." He teased her gently.

"Yeah, yeah ..." She had a thought and continued more seriously. "Hey, you know I appreciate you listening and being here for me, right?"

He didn't answer right away, and she wished she could see his expression. "I do now."

"Thanks, Logan," she said softly.

"For what?" His voice was just above a whisper.

She took a deep breath and made the split-second decision to push herself. She didn't want to just do right by Piz. She wanted to do that for Logan, too.

"For not pointing out how terribly I treated you in the past. For not saying that Piz, a guy I've only known for a year and didn't even lo ... care about the way I care ... the way I cared about you, has received much better treatment than you did."

She could hear him breathing, but he didn't say anything.

"Thank you, Logan, for being a friend to me, even when I told you to go away."

Almost a full minute went by without either of them speaking. Logan finally broke the ice.

"Friends, huh?" She could hear the humorous tone back in his voice. "This should be interesting."

"So, what do you think?" She asked, trying to match his tone. "Do you think we can really do this friends thing? It hasn't worked out so well for us in the past."

She heard him take a deep breath. "Honestly, I'm afraid not to try, Ronnie." His tone was completely serious. "I just know that I don't want to lose you from my life."

He paused. She remembered other sets of speeches and declarations they had made to each other throughout the years. It seemed that they were always trying to either hold on to each other, or drive each other away.

The manic life of extreme highs and lows hadn't been good to them. She remembered Agent Wentz's warnings to her and felt more determined. This time would be better.

"We have to try," Logan said resolutely, as if hearing her thoughts. "Because ... well ... because I don't like what my life looks like when you're not in it."

_**End Flashback**_

So, here she was, leaving the office and heading to the beach to meet Logan. These "friendship dates," as he had called them once, had become something she looked forward to each week.

Today, they were studying.

"Profiling, huh? That's still your fascination?" He seemed distracted as he chewed on his straw and stared out at the ocean, not even pretending to look at his books.

"I wouldn't call it a 'fascination.'" She sounded a little defensive, even to herself. "I just really like the idea of investigating this way. It's intelligent and uses everything - I mean, absolutely everything - an investigator has at her disposal. You should have seen the way Agent Wentz could ..."

Veronica stopped when she realized her friend wasn't listening. She reached out to him, placing her hand on his.

"Hey ... are you o.k.?"

"Yeah." He turned his head to look at her and smiled. "Veronica, I'm fine."

"No, Logan, you're not fine. What's going on? What's wrong?" She put her book down and gave him her full attention.

"C'mon, Ronnie ... "

He ran his hand through his already tousled hair and sighed loudly.

"Will you drop it if I tell you that I _really_ don't want to talk about this right now?"

She started to speak and he interrupted her. He held up his hand in frustration, knocking hers off in the process. "What am I thinking, of course you won't."

"Logan." She said firmly to get his attention. "Before I was so rudely interrupted," she looked at him pointedly, "I was going to say, 'yes.' If you really don't want to talk about it with me, then I will try to respect that and not push."

He looked at her incredulously.

"Seriously?" He laughed lightly. "You really have changed, haven't you, Veronica?"

He blew out a breath. "Alright, I guess I might as well tell you. You'll find out anyway, I'm sure." He smiled to take the sting out of his words.

"Thank God," she said with a laugh. "Because there was _no_ way I could just leave that alone."

He laughed and looked at her, leaning back on his elbows. "I'm glad you haven't changed _that_ much."

She settled onto her side, waiting for him to share what was on his mind.

"I sort of bought a company."

She gasped, sitting up suddenly.

He looked at her briefly before continuing. "It's a small company. They make surfboards."

Logan explained to her how he had heard that the company was headed toward bankruptcy and buyout from a large, "cookie cutter" sporting goods conglomerate. He spoke those words with as much disdain as she had heard him use about any topic. That made her giggle.

He stopped and looked at her sharply.

"I'm sorry. Please continue." She gave him her best, 'I'm completely serious' look.

"My first surfboard came from one of their local stores." His expression suggested that she should know the significance of that, but she didn't. "They have two stores here and some in a few other spots around the state."

"Back then ... well, surfing was the only real escape I had. It was how I got away from ..."

She understood now. "Oh, Logan ..."

"I just ... I just couldn't let that store close. And, they wouldn't let me just buy the one, so ..."

"I see," she said hoping she sounded supportive and not judgmental.

"They're not like the average surf shop. They're craftsmen, you know? Artisans. They'll let you design some of yourself into your board."

She waited to be sure he was finished before she spoke.

"Logan." She put her hand back on his and urged him to look at her.

"I get it. I think it's great. Really great. So, tell me why this is upsetting you."

He looked away again, toward the ocean. "There are 26 employees in these stores, Veronica. They ... they're ..."

She thought he would continue, and when he didn't, she set out to decipher the mystery he presented her.

He obviously loved the stores and the products they created. She knew he couldn't be seriously concerned about return on his investment at this point. So, what was going on with him? Why did he care about ...

"Oh, Logan." She finally got it. "You have responsibilities now."

"Yeah." He looked at her and she saw the fear and uncertainty in his eyes.

"I know I've employed people before, or my family has. But, this is different. I've met some of these people. I've gotten to know them over the years. This is all they know ... all they know how to do. And ..."

He stopped again and she squeezed his hand, encouraging him to continue.

"They had an opportunity to go work for that sporting goods company, but I swooped in and bought the stores. So, if I screw this up ..."

"Logan, you won't screw this up." She said with certainty.

"How can you say that, Veronica? When haven't I screwed up? My track record is pretty ..."

"Hey, there are a lot of things you haven't screwed up. You have kept numerous cleaning ladies, waitstaff and pillow fluffers gainfully employed at the Grand for years now."

She saw that he wasn't in the mood for her humor, so she changed tactics.

"Seriously, Logan, you aren't the same screwed up kid you were years ago. You see people. You see the brokenness in people, and you reach out to them to help. You took Dick in when literally _no one_ else would."

"Yeah, well, if Dick Cassablancas is my only reference then I might as well hang it up right now." He stood up and started walking toward the water.

"Logan, wait." She got up and joined him as he walked up the beach. "Dick's not the only one you've been a good friend to.

That's when she told him all the things she had realized over the summer. She told him how she had relied him; counted on him to be there for her. She told him how she could see how much he had changed and grown through the tragedy in their past.

"I know we still have a long way to go, Logan, but we're on the right path. We're making choices now that will take us closer to the lives we really want."

He didn't respond. She crossed her arms and stared at the sand as they walked.

"I look back at all the destruction that was our adolescence, and I see one crappy choice after another." She kicked a rock down the beach. "Lilly choosing to be with Aaron. Aaron choosing to ... to be a monster. My Mom choosing to leave. Your Mom choosing ... " He tensed beside her, but she continued.

"Me choosing to go to Shelly's party." She stopped suddenly, gathering her courage.

"You choosing to be a jackass to me and self-destruct." She looked up at him and smiled as they started moving again.

"Cassidy ... choosing to ... to turn to the dark side." She stopped again and he put his arm around her.

She looked up at him and counted off the next choices on her fingers. "You choosing alcohol and easy hook-ups. Me choosing not to trust you over and over. Or, choosing to take risks that put the people I love in jeopardy."

"It goes on and on and on, Logan. And, even though I see it all now, I can't do anything to change it. No matter how angry I get; how many wrongs I right; how much justice I seek and vengeance I enact, it doesn't change a single thing. You still suffered. I still suffered. So many people suffered."

They walked in silence for a few minutes.

"This summer, I realized that while I can never change the past, I can try to make the future different. And, if I don't intentionally try, it's not gonna happen." Logan still gave her no response, so she spoke again.

"So, I'm trying; trying to make decisions that will make a life that I can ..." Her voice trailed off.

She grabbed his arms and shook him slightly. "Logan, I guess what I'm trying to say is that this decision to buy the surfboard company could be that kind of decision for you. Don't you see? It could be life changing; part of your ... your calling."

He stopped and looked down at her with an unreadable expression. And then, suddenly, he embraced her roughly, clinging to her. "Thank you, Veronica. Thank you."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Mac," Veronica greeted her friend warmly.

"Veronica, how's it going? Pasta?"

"Sure. Sounds great."

"So, ready for finals next week?" She followed Veronica's stare when she didn't answer.

"Oh, yes. Logan's latest lady friend," Mac said with raised eyebrows. "She seems nice, but I figured you would have all the dirt."

Mac grabbed her tray and moved down the line, placing her order.

Veronica was frozen in place. _I didn't know_, she responded internally. _He never told me._

She tried to break away from staring at the couple, but couldn't. They were completely absorbed in each other; the way new lovers are when they're still learning so much about each other.

He laughed at something the girl said, and Veronica felt her chest tighten.

She was pretty; very pretty. That's not surprising. She was tall and curvy. And, brunette. "My exact opposite."

"What?" Mac asked while she waited for her veggie lasagna.

"Oh, uh, nothing. I think I'll grab a salad, Mac. I'll catch up with you at our table."

Veronica walked to the deli at the far end of the food court. It wasn't so much the salad that drew her as the chance to be farther away from Logan's table.

She took a few deep breaths and then walked up to the cash register with her water and salad.

_He has every right to be with that girl._

Even though she knew that was true, it still bothered her. A lot.

_I think it will always be hard for me to see him with someone else. I care about him and always will._

Her Dad was right. They did have a shared history that would always connect them.

_But, he's trying to rebuild his life; just like I am._

He deserves a friend who will be happy for him. _So, that's what I'm gonna be._

She paid for her lunch and walked toward the table where Mac and Wallace waited. But, she took the route that led her by Logan's table.

"Oh, hey Logan," she said, forcing herself to sound cheerful as she turned her focus toward Logan's lunch date. "Hi, there. I'm Veronica, a friend of Logan's."

"Veronica." She could tell he was caught off guard. "Uh, this is ... um, Catherine. We have 'Statistics' together."

"Hi, Catherine." Veronica said warmly.

"Veronica, it's nice to meet you." They exchanged smiles.

"Well, you two have a good lunch. I better move along. The natives are getting restless," she joked and pointed to her friends waiting for her. "See ya later."

She turned toward her solace found in Mac and Wallace.

_I hate her._ She gave in to her jealousy as she walked toward her friends. What does he see in her? _He could do so much better._

"So, Veronica, give us the scoop," Mac pried. "Is she a suitable replacement for you, or just another one of his place holders?"

Veronica tuned her friend out until she processed the last thing Mac said. "What? What did you say?"

"I said, do you approve?"

"No, you called her a 'place holder.' Why that term?"

"I don't know." She looked baffled at Veronica's intensity. "I guess it just fits. Anytime you two date anyone else, that's kind of how I see them. Why? What's going on with you? You don't like her?"

"No, that's not it. She seems ... nice, I guess." She glanced back at their table and then decided to let it go. She didn't want to clue her friends in further to her inner turmoil.

Veronica finished lunch and went to her next class. But, her thoughts were still on Logan and his new love interest.

_Why didn't he tell me_, she wondered. She let out an audible sigh as she walked through the door of her classroom. _Maybe the same reason I haven't told him. Being mature sucks._

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Hey, Dad." Veronica greeted him as she threw her bag down and started rifling through the files on her desk.

"Hi, Honey. How was school?" He had that distracted tone. The one he always got when he was first jumping into a new case.

"Is that a new case," she asked eagerly. "'Cause if it is, I'm your girl." She walked into his office and pointed at herself enthusiastically. She definitely needed a distraction right now.

He looked up at her for the first time since she came into the office, and smiled. "Oh, really? Why so eager?"

"Eager? Me? Nah." She spoke coyly, glad to join him in their old, familiar dance. "You just look a little tired, Pops. You know ... around the eyes." She leaned in to try to touch under his eyes. "I thought you might need some help, that's all."

He batted her hands away. "Nice, oh daughter of mine," he responded as he picked up the file and put it in his briefcase. "But this one has my name written all over it."

"Hmmm ... you realize that I'm even more intrigued now, right?"

He laughed as he gathered his things together to leave. "I do. And still, the answer is 'no.' Weird how that works, isn't it?"

He kissed her on the cheek and walked toward the door. "See you tonight. Are you still taking the Hinson stakeout?"

She nodded and he looked thoughtful. "O.k. We'll eat early. I'm thinking takeout. How's that sound?"

"It would sound better if it went along with a side of 'sharing and caring' from my dear old Dad."

"So, Luigi's, it is." He smiled, blew her a kiss and walked out the door.

She heard him greet someone as he left the building, so she walked toward the front door to see who it was. Logan bounded through at the exact same moment, nearly knocking her over.

"Whoa ..." He grabbed her shoulders and steadied her so she wouldn't fall.

"Sorry about that," she said a little breathlessly.

"Hey, I'm always happy when a hot blonde is excited to see me." He smiled and moved his hands down her arms and back to his side.

She turned and walked toward her desk.

"So, what brings you to our fine establishment today?" She tried for light and airy, but was pretty sure it just came out as forced and stiff. She felt uneasy and awkward around him now and hated it.

"I didn't realize I needed an excuse to see you," he said as he plopped down into one of the chairs in front of her desk.

She smiled and shifted some piles of paper back and forth, hoping he wouldn't notice how nervous she was.

"Listen, Veronica." He placed his hand on her arm to get her attention. "I wanted to talk to you about today. It felt a little weird to me when I saw you at lunch and I just ..."

"No, Logan, it's not weird. I mean, of course there are other people in our lives, right?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I know. It's just ..."

"Hey, the only slightly weird part was that you hadn't mentioned her to me, that's all."

He picked up a photo frame on her desk and ran his fingers around the edge. "I'm sorry about that." He looked up at her then. "I should've told you that I was seeing someone. You know, more than just the casual ..."

"Yeah, I got it. You don't have to paint me a picture," she joked, feeling a little more relaxed.

"Look, Logan, that would've been nice, but I understand. We're still kind of ... I don't know ... new at this friendship thing, I guess. Some things might still be a little awkward for us."

He seemed stunned at her understanding response.

"Yeah. I just didn't know how to tell you. And, I didn't want to mess up what we have." He leaned back and relaxed visibly. "But, if it's any consolation, she's definitely not in the lifelong keeper category. It's just nice to have someone to ... well, you know ..."

She smiled genuinely then and sat down at her desk. "I do, Logan. I understand. Let's just try to be more open about things like this, o.k.? There's no need for us to feel weird about it. We're friends. Good friends. Friends who want the best for each other. Right?"

"Absolutely," he agreed, looking very relieved. "And, I wanted to say, 'thanks' for being so great about it today. I know it caught you off guard, but you handled it like a pro."

He put his hands behind his head and stared up at the ceiling, blowing out a deep breath. "Man, I don't know if I would have been that calm and collected if I had just found out that you were dating someone like that."

He looked back down at her when she didn't respond. They smiled at each other for a moment. Logan seemed to pick up on something in her expression and continued.

He stared at her with a slight smile the whole time he spoke. "I mean ... I'll be honest. I'm glad I have a little more time to get used to that idea, you know? It's not like you've been hiding some secret boyfriend, or anything."

_Oh, crap. I guess it's my turn for the open and honest thing now._

"Yeah ... um, Logan ..."

She saw his expression change from easy-going to intense in an instant.

He gripped the picture frame tightly now. "What is it, Veronica?"

"I guess, in light of our open and honest disclosure policy, I need to tell you something, too."

He just stared at her, not saying a word, so she trudged on. She hoped he would be as understanding as she had been; at least to his face.

"I'm kind of ... I don't know exactly what to call it, but I've been ..."

"Geez, Veronica, just say it already." He looked ready to burst at any moment, so she just spit it out.

"I've been seeing someone, too."

He nodded slowly and then started shaking his head with a slight smile.

"Wow, no wonder you reacted so well to seeing me with her today." The sarcasm dripped from his lips. "Let's be more open with each other," he mocked. "Nice double standard, Veronica."

"Hey, it's not like that."

"Then what's it like, Veronica. Who is it? Who's the guy?"

He sounded almost _jealous_. _Seriously? He's dating someone, flaunting her during my lunchtime in my food court, and he is upset about me dating?_ _I don't think so._

"He's someone I met last year, o.k. You may have met him once. But, you probably don't even remember him, so don't worry about it."

"Who is it, Veronica?"

"Let me just remind you that I handled your situation, how did you say, oh yeah ... 'like a pro.' You think maybe you could do the same?"

"Yeah, I said that when I felt badly for keeping something from you. You know, before I realized you had been keeping the exact same thing from me. Now, spill it, Mars. Who is he?"

She flopped her head down on her desk in frustration. He didn't budge. She sat up and threw her arms up.

"Fine. His name is Kurt. He's a football player at Hearst. I met him on a case last year. He left last semester, but came back this Fall. We have a class together. We've been out a few times. That's it. Happy now?"

He sat staring at the wall behind her desk, seemingly deep in thought. "I remember him." He looked back her now, his eyes narrowing. "The play book, right? His girlfriend stole the play book? They broke up after you solved the case?"

"Yeah, her name is Trish. They broke up when he left last year. She doesn't even go to Hearst anymore. I think she transferred to ..."

"Yeah, Veronica, I really don't care where _Trish_ is right now, o.k.?" He took a breath and visibly tried to calm himself. "So, last year ... was there ... there was nothing between you two ... I mean ..."

"No," she almost shouted the denial at him. "How can you even ask me that?"

"Well, call me paranoid, but you seem to have a knack for dating guys who you met while we were still together." His eyes were dark and she could tell he was working to control his temper.

Veronica stood up and placed her hands on her hips. She was angry. He was angry. This couldn't be good.

"Logan, are you seriously accusing me of cheating on you? Because if you are ..."

His face fell. He stood up, too, and reached out to her. "No, Veronica. God, no."

"I'm sorry. I don't know where that came from. I just ... I'm really sorry."

She nodded, with her tongue in her cheek. She was still angry, but knew his apology was sincere.

"I just didn't expect ... oh, man ... how were you so calm today in the food court?" He dropped his head into his hands. "I feel like I wanna punch this guy, and I don't even know him."

"Well, in the spirit of total honesty ... I _did_ fantasize about destroying her life during my afternoon class. Does that make you feel any better?"

He laughed and looked up at her with his chin resting on his hands.

"Actually? Yeah, it kinda does."

She sat down, laughing, too. "Well, glad I could help. I'm here to be of service."

Logan sat back in his chair and started laughing again, shaking his head.

"What?" She asked, wanting him to let her in on the joke.

"Are you kidding me? A football player, Veronica?"

She shrugged and laughed, too.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Hurry up, Dad. They'll be here any minute." Veronica rushed around the apartment putting the finishing touches on all the hors d' oeuvres and decorations.

"Should I be concerned, or at least mildly offended, that you want me out of here so badly for your Christmas party?"

"It's a space thing, Dad. Tiny apartment. Lots of college kids. You see the problem?"

"Yeah, I _do_ see the problem, but it's not the space that I'm worried about."

"Dad ..."

"Fine, fine. I'm going ... under protest. I'll be at Alicia's tonight. But, I could stop in at any time. Just keep that in mind."

"Yeah, yeah, I know. Scary parental intimidation ... got it. Now, go."

He laughed and walked out the door. "Merry Christmas to all and to all ..."

"Good night," she yelled after him. She laughed and finished her preparations.

Veronica was nervous. There was no denying it. One tiny apartment. Two ex-boyfriends. One current boyfriend. One ex-boyfriend's current girlfriend. And three friends in the peanut gallery. It could get ugly. _This seemed like a good idea at the time._

Everyone would be with family for Christmas. Well, everyone except Logan and Dick. Wallace was going to Chicago. Mac and her family were going to Washington. Piz was going home to Oregon. And, Kurt was going home to Kansas. Getting together for a pre-Christmas, festive gathering had sounded so reasonable last week.

The doorbell snapped her out of her nervousness. "God bless us, everyone," she mumbled under her breath as she walked to the door.

The evening was going well. She couldn't believe how well. Logan and his new flavor of the week - he had been through two since Catherine - got along with everyone. He even sat next to Piz part of the evening. She hadn't seen him with Kurt, yet. But, that was probably because Kurt had been by her side most of the evening.

She tried not to think about Kim or Candy or Candace ... whatever her name was. There was no point in getting too attached.

"Nice party." Kurt wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her onto his lap. "You should relax, though. You've been working all night."

"Thanks, I think I will." Veronica leaned over and kissed him on the cheek.

She gazed around the room at her friends watching "It's a Wonderful Life" and smiled. That's when she caught Logan staring at her. She grinned and winked at him. He gave her a small smile and then looked away.

A few minutes later he caught her attention again. He nodded toward the hallway. She looked at him questioningly, but he just got up and walked toward her bedroom.

Kurt's phone rang then and he answered it, shifting her off of his lap. He mouthed that it was his brother and stepped outside to talk to him.

Veronica nodded and motioned for him to go. She walked toward her bedroom after the front door closed behind him.

"Hey," she said as she walked into her room. "What are you doing in here? The party's out there, big boy?"

"Yeah, I know. I just wanted to talk to you alone for a minute." He flashed a small smile in her direction as he leaned in to look at a photo on her bulletin board. "We haven't really had much time together lately."

She sat on her bed, watching him walk around her room. "I know. I've missed our 'friend dates.' I'm hoping we can get those started back up in the Spring."

"Yeah, that'd be good." He stopped his tour of her room and sat down beside her. "So, I know we said, 'no gifts,' but I have something for you." She started to protest, but he put his hand over her mouth to stop her.

"It's not wise to argue with Santa," he said softly.

A huge smile broke out across her face and she crossed her legs Indian style on the bed. He laughed at her then. "Uh, yeah ... you're totally getting into the whole present thing now, I see."

"What can I say? I'm a child at heart."

"Yeah, and in size."

"Hey. Let's just dispense with the short jokes and get to dispensing the gift."

"Fine. Here ya go." He pulled a small package, wrapped in silver paper, out of his jacket pocket and handed it to her. Her eyes lit up brightly.

She examined it, and then glanced up at him with a confused look on her face.

"What's wrong?" Logan asked.

"It's just that I kinda thought it would be a surfboard, seeing as how you can get one at cost now." She giggled and punched him in the arm.

"Very funny. Open the gift."

She ripped through the paper dramatically and then stopped, staring at the small jewelry box.

"C'mon, Ronnie, open it."

"Logan ..."

"Just open it."

She opened the box and saw the most beautiful platinum locket she had ever seen. It was round, not oval, and it was completely smooth, with no ornate markings or decorations. And, instead of a chain, it sat on a leather choker. It was beautiful, and unlike anything she had ever seen. It was the perfect mixture of delicate beauty and strength. It was her.

She looked up at him in wonder. He knew her so well.

"Logan, I don't know what ..."

"Open the locket, Veronica," he urged gently.

She picked up the small circle and opened it. She didn't feel the tears falling until Logan wiped one away.

The right side of the locket featured one of her favorite photos of the Fab Four. The other side held a photo of Logan and her. It was one of her favorites from the summer before their freshman year at Hearst.

"I just had that photo put in there so there would be two photos. You know, so it wouldn't be empty." He pointed at the photo of the two of them. "You can put whichever photo you want in it. One of you and your Dad or ... whatever."

"No, Logan. This is perfect. This is ... this is the one I want."

He smiled shyly. "So, you like it then?"

She reached over and hugged him tightly around his neck. "I love it. I absolutely love it. Thank you so much, Logan."

She handed the necklace to him and then turned around for him to fasten it.

She turned back around, fingering the locket gently. He smiled and scooted back on her bed, bringing one leg up to rest next to hers.

"I actually have one more gift ... "

"No, wait." She jumped up and ran to her closet. "My turn."

She stood up on her tiptoes, trying to reach the top shelf. He watched her struggle. A big smile spread across his face. "Uh, Veronica, would you like some help?"

"No," she said as she struggled. "I got it. Yes! Here it is."

She pulled down the shirt-sized box, wrapped in Santa paper and brought it over to the bed.

He shook his head, smiling. "Now tell me again why we had the 20-minute discussion about _not_ buying gifts for each other this year."

"Oh, hush, and open your gift."

He slowly pulled back one corner at a time, opening the gift at an excruciatingly slow pace. She started tapping her foot in frustration. "Is something wrong, Veronica?"

"Just rip it open, Logan," she practically screamed at him.

He laughed and tore the remaining paper off the box. He lifted the lid and fished through tissue paper to find her gift.

"Veronica ... what is ..."

She smiled and pulled her clasped hands in front of her mouth, waiting for him to figure it out.

He read the enclosed printout and looked at her.

She couldn't stand it anymore and had to explain the gift. "I know it's a weird gift for someone with your ... well, someone who can buy anything he wants. It's just ... this time of year is hard, Logan. I thought you might want to get away and be somewhere really special for New Year's. And, there are two tickets in there so you can take Barbie, or Candy or whoever this month's selection is."

He laughed and reached for her, wrapping his arms around her shoulders. "Veronica, this is too much. You shouldn't have done ..."

She pulled away and placed her hand on his arm. "Yes, I should have. And, it's done. So, just enjoy. I expect to see lots of photos and hear about lots of revelry. Got it? I intend to totally live vicariously through you this New Year's Eve."

He sat looking at the tickets with a bemused look on his face. "I mentioned that I had one more gift, right?"

He reached inside his jacket, but stopped before he pulled out the gift.

"Wait, before you open this ... how serious are you about the jock?" He gestured toward the living room.

She shook her head and gave him a look of mock irritation. "Why?"

He just shrugged. "Figured now might be the easiest time to get that out of you seeing as I have something to bribe you with."

"Soooo not discussing this with you right now." She held out her hands expectantly.

He kept his hand inside his jacket, smiling. She knew how stubborn he was. They could both sit there all night.

"Fine. We're not that serious, I guess. I mean, we like each other and enjoy spending time together, but I've been very honest with him about my ... limitations when it comes to relationships right now."

He nodded.

"I don't want to have another ..."

"Piz," he said for her.

"Yeah. I don't want to hurt him or be hurt either, so we're just keeping things pretty light."

"Hmmm ... he doesn't look at you like someone who's taking things _pretty light_. You realize that, right?" She glared at him. "I'm not sure he's playing along with your plan. How's that working out for ya, Ronnie?"

"I don't know, Logan. How has your buffet of bimbos been working out for _you_?

"I see your point. Here." He handed her the envelope from his jacket.

She snatched it out of his hand and held it up to her nose, sniffing it. She turned it over and over in her hands in mock inspection.

He laughed at her antics and tried to take it back from her. She finally opened it, read the contents, and fell over onto her pillows laughing.

"We're quite a pair, aren't we, Echolls?"

They had given each other the exact same gift. Well, his gift to her included first-class seating, rather than coach, but other than that, they were the same. Apparently, they were going to spend New Year's together ... in New York City.

"So, I called your friend from your internship - Joanna. Your Dad gave me her name and number. Her name is on one of the tickets. She's flying from Wisconsin to meet you there."

She sat up and stared at him in disbelief. "Logan, I can't believe you did that. So, Dad knows about the trip?"

He nodded, but looked unsure for a minute. "You're o.k. with that, right?"

She bit her bottom lip, lost in thought for a moment. Logan's hand on her knee brought her back to their conversation. "Sorry. Yes. Absolutely. Logan, it's amazing, completely amazing. I love New York. Thank you so much." She beamed with happiness and hugged him again.

"So, you're also o.k. with us going on this trip together then?"

She sat back as it occurred to her how incredibly awkward it would be if Logan brought whats-her-name.

"Well, it's extremely extravagant and I should really refuse to accept such an expensive gift, especially after you already gave me ..."

She placed her fingers around the locket again.

"But?" he asked with a smile.

"_But_, I think we'll have an amazing time, and I can't think of anything I'd rather do than go on this trip. Besides, you'll need someone knowledgeable to show you all the under-the-radar sights."

He nodded, clearly enjoying her enthusiasm.

"So, um ... who do you think you'll take with you?"

"Hmmm ... good question. Let's see ... Candy? No, maybe Christy? No ..."

She rolled her eyes and got off the bed. "Well, you work out your social calendar, Mr. Heffner. I'm heading back to the party."

He jumped up and grabbed her arm. "I'm kidding, Veronica." He placed his hands on her shoulders and looked deeply into her eyes.

"I couldn't take one of those girls on a trip like this ... a gift you got for me. You know that. So, as much as I know it will pain you, I think I'll ask Dick to come with us."

She smiled. "Yeah, I think that's a good idea. He'll make the rest of us look good on TV in Times Square."

They walked back into the living room laughing. Kurt was standing by the door watching the hallway when they came into the room.

"You o.k., Veronica," he asked with an unreadable expression. "I was getting a little worried."

She felt Logan tense next to her. "Everything's fine, Kurt." She hoped to diffuse any tension before the testosterone in the room erupted. "Logan and I were just exchanging Christmas gifts."

Kurt nodded, but looked unconvinced.

Logan continued to stare at him unwaveringly. _Boys._

She cleared her throat and Logan finally broke away. He glanced at the couch where his _friend_ was sleeping with her head on Piz's shoulder. Logan rolled his eyes and Veronica laughed.

_Hmmm ... one guest asleep; another pissed off. I guess the party's officially over._

Kurt stayed with her until everyone left. He said he wanted to help her clean up. She knew he was really just making sure she wasn't left alone with Logan again.

"Thanks for staying to help me clean up," she said, as they picked up cups and plates from the living room.

"My pleasure. It was a fun party. I enjoyed spending time with your friends, for the most part."

"You mean Logan, right?"

He glanced at her and then finished sacking up a bag of trash.

She stopped him and led him over to the couch.

"I think we need to talk about this, Kurt." Here comes mature Veronica again, heading off a conflict before it could fester. _Does this ever get easier?_

"No, it's fine." He pulled her to his side and kissed her briefly. "It's just that I don't like the way he looks at you. He doesn't look at you like a friend."

She laughed. These two would probably get along if they had met under other circumstances.

"You need to know something about Logan, Kurt."

He looked at her expectantly.

"He's my oldest friend; the one who's known me the longest. Yes, he can be a bit much sometimes. Yes, we've dated in the past and yes, a big part of me will always care about him."

He nodded, but didn't interrupt.

"So, if you're not o.k. with that, then whatever this is," she pointed between them, "probably needs to end."

He pulled his arm back from around her shoulders and leaned forward. Turning to look at her, he said grimly, "That sounds an awful lot like an ultimatum, Veronica. Either I accept your odd relationship with this guy you used to sleep with, or we can't be together? Did I get that right?"

She turned toward him and clasped his hands in hers, resisting the urge to respond sarcastically or angrily. "No, Kurt, it's not an ultimatum. It's just the way things are. I've learned a lot about myself in recent months. And, one thing I know is that there will never be a time in my life when Logan won't be welcome in it. He will always have a place in my life."

He nodded, without saying anything.

"You are such a great guy, Kurt. So, if that's not o.k. with you - and I completely understand if it's not - then I think ... maybe ..."

He hung his head and exhaled with a bitter laugh. "Then maybe I should go? Yeah, I guess that's what I'll be doing then."

"Kurt ..."

"I appreciate your honesty, Veronica. But, before I go, tell me ... why is it that you two aren't together anymore?"

She shook her head at the completely appropriate question for which she had no answer. She was at a loss.

"Well ... it's just that ... we ... we're such good friends ... and we just ... we work better this way."

"Right," he said as he moved to the edge of the couch. "You know, maybe you should work out a better, more convincing answer to that question before you date someone else in the future."

He leaned over and kissed the top of her head. "Merry Christmas, Veronica."

Kurt left. She continued cleaning up until she heard a knock.

"Logan." She was surprised to see him. "What're you doing here? You forget something?"

"Yeah," he said, as he grabbed her hands and pulled her outside on the porch. "I did."

She never saw it coming. His lips captured hers in a passionate kiss. Without conscious thought, she gave in, melting into him.

The voices in her head warred for control. One telling her to end this before she completely lost control and they ruined their new friendship. Another reminded her that she hadn't experienced anything like this kiss since ... well, since the last time Logan had kissed her before they broke up. Confusion and passion swirled all around her.

And then, much too quickly, he backed away.

Surprised, she looked at him with several questions evident in her eyes.

He chose to answer only one of them.

"Mistletoe." He said, smiling and pointing to the green plant hanging from a wire above her door.

"What ... where did that ... Logan?" She looked up at the unfamiliar item as her fingers involuntarily touched her lips.

He just looked at her with a huge smile on his face.

Veronica gaped back at him in complete confusion as he laughed, threw his keys in the air and walked toward the stairs. It was only then that she saw the hammer sticking out of his jacket pocket.

He began whistling "We Wish You a Merry Christmas" before he reached the first step.

- To be continued -


	5. Chapter 5  The Long Road, Part II

_Disclaimer: I don't own Veronica Mars, the characters, story lines or anything related to the television show._

**_AN: Wow - it has been so awesome to see some of you get as in to this story concept as I have! It seems like this has literally taken over my life, and I won't get it back until I finish. So, here's the next installment. I'm honored that you are choosing to read, share feedback with reviews and messages, favorite, alert, etc. Thank you so much for your interest, and for coming along on this journey into what could've or, in my mind, what should've been._**

**_Many thanks, as always, to Steenbeans for Beta-brilliance, and being a cheerleader. We all need at least one._**

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter Five - The Long Road Part II**_

Veronica had always thought January in Neptune was a little depressing. Christmas was over. Cooler temps sent her indoors, and grey skies and shorter days made her want to stay there.

But, this afternoon, even the uncharacteristically cold and rainy weather that had dominated the forecast for the past two weeks couldn't put a damper on her good mood. She even hummed a little as she walked across campus to meet her friends at the food court.

"So, one question for you, super sleuth - who is the biggest engineering stud you know?" Wallace asked as he sat down to join her. "That's right ..." he smiled and pointed at himself. "I just aced the first exam of the semester, and have a study date with that girl from the second row. Yeah, I'm pretty much golden from here on out."

Veronica laughed and patted him on the shoulder with her best "I'm impressed" expression.

"So, V, what's this 'fabulous news' you teased us all with last night?" He tried to steal the last strawberry from her fruit cup. She smacked his hand and pulled the cup away.

"Ah, patience, young Padawan, all will be revealed in due time," she joked, looking back down at her notes.

Wallace laughed and shook his head. He had just broken the code on the plastic wrap encasing his deli sandwich when Mac sat down.

"O.k., so you're not gonna believe this," she started, pulling her wallet out of her bag. "Guess who got stuck with the graveyard shift in the computer lab _again_?"

She looked at Veronica and Wallace with obvious frustration. Veronica smiled sympathetically. "Um, I'm thinking it might be ..."

"Yes. Me. _Again_." She pushed her chair back and walked toward the food counters, still muttering to herself.

Wallace and Veronica exchanged amused glances.

"Poor, Mac," she began. "This is the third ..."

"Look at you, Ronnie," Dick said obnoxiously, interrupting her. "You look cute all soggy and messy." He leered at her slightly as he turned a chair around at their table and leaned over the back of it.

Veronica forced a smile and bit back the ultra sarcastic retort that came oh, so naturally every time she was around him. "Well, thanks, _Dick_," she replied with much less venom than she wanted to use with him. "Your comments on my appearance are what keep me going during these long, lonely days of winter."

She was trying to keep the tentative peace with him, and had been since their New Year's trip. They had, for lack of a better word, _bonded_ a little; just a little.

Thankfully, their interaction had been limited during the trip. Although, that first day had been more than enough. But, even his barbs and obnoxious behavior hadn't been enough to ruin her first day in New York.

_**Flashback**_

Walking through the airport terminal reminded Veronica of the dreams that had haunted her not too many months ago. She was convinced that Agent Wentz and his teaching moments had been responsible for the weird and frightening dreams she had over the summer.

The nighttime torment had ended when she returned home, but the main elements of the dreams were alarming enough to stay with her even months later. They'd very realistically detailed how horribly wrong her life could go if she continued with some of her choices and behaviors. The most vivid nightmares had occurred during her flight home from Virginia. So, she wasn't relishing the idea of boarding a long, cross-country flight today.

That would explain the myriad of entertainment options loaded in her carry-on bag. _Nope. __No __sleep __for __me_, she told herself with certainty.

She'd worked diligently since returning from Virginia to purposefully build the life and relationships she wanted. It wasn't easy. Her nature often urged her toward the "dark side," as her Dad had called her penchant toward secrecy, avoidance, judgment, danger and impulsiveness.

But, so far, she couldn't argue with what she had learned from Agent Wentz. Her relationships were better than ever. Well, her friendships and relationship with her Dad were better, anyway. Her love life was still epically challenged, but that was o.k.; for now.

She enjoyed her classes and was doing well. And, she had more clarity than ever about her career goals. Life was not too bad.

Perhaps that's why she felt a little anxious about this New Year's trip. How smart was it to be traveling to her favorite city for one of the most iconic American experiences with Logan; her ex-boyfriend, turned friend, who ... o.k., she was still attracted to?

Hmmm ..._not __smart__...__at __all._

_No. We're were friends, and that's all._

Despite the anomaly of that mistletoe kiss, they really were just good friends.

_I __don't __have __to __give __in __to __impulses, __wayward __emotions __or __hormones, _she reminded herself. _I __can __choose __what __and __how __I __will __react __to __people __and __situations. __Yeah, __this __will __be __fine._

_So, New Year's Eve in Times Square with Logan; stroke of midnight; thousands and thousands of people kissing all around me ... bring it on._

Veronica's phone buzzed with a text message alert, shaking her out of her thoughts.

"we r here. coach? no wa. i cll wind0. hope u dont snore"

She laughed. Dick had obviously commandeered Logan's phone. She was almost positive that Logan had already upgraded his seats to first class. He was probably tormenting Dick with the threat of coach. A huge smile formed on her face at that thought as she walked to security.

She heard the boys entering the plane well before she saw them. So did the rest of the cabin.

A loud chorus of "dude" and "sweet" wafted through the plane. It was hard to miss. She caught two flight attendants rolling their eyes at each other as Dick and Logan walked on board. She fought it for a moment, and then just couldn't help laughing out loud.

Veronica was still smiling as they reached her row.

"Ronniekins!"

Dick was already annoying her and they were only 30 seconds into the trip. _Not__good_.

"So, I know this whole first class thing is kinda new. Let me show you the ropes." He stepped over her, purposefully knocking her messenger bag onto the floor, and plopped into the window seat.

She shot daggers at him with her eyes and slowly turned toward Logan who raised his hands up in surrender. He finished stuffing his bag in the overhead compartment and sat in the aisle seat on the other side of Veronica.

"You are supposed to control him," she said through gritted teeth. "I will not be responsible for my actions if I have to put up with ... with ... _that_ for four days."

Logan laughed. Dick was oblivious to her rant, already leaning against a pillow and almost asleep.

"Don't worry, he'll sleep the whole time." Logan leaned into her. "He didn't have his nap this morning. We're good."

"Nap? It's 9:30, Logan. Surely even Dick doesn't take a nap before 10."

"No. He's usually not _awake_ before 10."

"Dude, I can totally hear you two."

Veronica and Logan looked at each other and started laughing.

Surprisingly, the trio survived their flight together without alcohol, nightmares, altercations or even verbal lashings. Dick slept the entire flight. Veronica and Logan talked off and on, read and watched the in-flight movie.

Logan had insisted on making their hotel reservations, so she wasn't completely surprised when their cab pulled up to the Waldorf Astoria. He was probably the only person she knew who could've booked rooms at the Waldorf in New York City for New Year's Eve with less than two week's notice.

"Logan ..."

She was breathless as they walked into the lobby. Veronica spun around the historic landmark soaking it all in.

"It's so beautiful."

"Here's a tip for ya, Mars. The key to blending in is to act like you've been here before," Dick said condescendingly as he brushed by her and made a beeline for the concierge.

"He knows I packed my taser, right?"

Logan grinned and led her to the front desk.

After checking in, he tried to distract her from her current rant by listing all the famous people he could think of who had stayed at the Waldorf. She was pretty sure he was making up most of the list.

"That's fascinating, Logan. But, what I really want to talk about is my room. All I'm saying is that a regular room with two beds is perfect for Jo and me. We don't need all ..."

He pulled her away from the elevator where they were waiting and gripped her shoulders lightly. "Veronica, please listen to me, because I really don't want to have this same argument all weekend. This ..." He waved his arm around, pointing at the hotel lobby. "Is all part of your gift. It's my pleasure to do this for you; to see this through your eyes. If you argue with me over every penny we spend this weekend, it will literally suck all the joy out of this for me. O.k.?"

She looked down as she considered what he said.

"Look, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable. It's just that there have been very few times that I've been able to do something like this for ... for you. Can you just be o.k. with this? For me?"

Veronica knew she had yet another decision to make. Her pride wanted to insist that Logan rein in his spending and let her choose a room she could afford. But, she could see that this was important to him. So ...

She tilted her head and smiled. "Alright. But, I draw the line at having my own pillow fluffer."

Logan nodded with a smile and looked enormously relieved.

"I mean it, Logan. Jo and I will absolutely share the same fluffer. That's not negotiable. To do otherwise would just be frivolous."

He laughed and hit the elevator call button. "Understood. Way to choose your battles, Mars."

"Yeah, Ronnie," Dick startled her as he came up behind them to get on the elevator. "We'll let you work it off if it'll make you feel better."

She and Logan both punched him as the doors slid closed.

Logan knocked on her door an hour later. "So, good news. Dick has plans for the evening," he said has walked into her room and glanced around. "It will just be the two of us tonight."

Jo had changed her flight due to family obligations and was due in around noon the next day. So, Veronica had envisioned dining alone with room service and a bubble bath while Dick and Logan partied in the big city.

She looked at him skeptically. "How does Dick already have plans? Alone? We just got here?"

Logan shrugged and walked around the living room of her suite. "I didn't ask. I figured you'd be relieved."

She wanted to probe more, but decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth. "So, what sounds good?"

She took Logan to a hole-in-the-wall Italian place she and her father had discovered during her graduation trip. Next, she forced him to ride the subway and took great delight in his discomfort.

"C'mon, Logan. You don't want to miss _really_ experiencing New York, do you?"

"I've mentioned that I've been here before, right? I don't need a late-night subway ride with the unwashed masses to _really_ experience the city." His disdain was obvious and it just made Veronica laugh even more.

Her joy was eventually contagious and he seemed to relax. They played "PI," a guessing game she and her Dad had devised, to pass the time. She picked a person in the crowd and he started the guesses about who he or she was, what they did and where they were from. She declared herself the game's judge, and had the final say about the accuracy of their guesses.

The game died down after they had played for 20 minutes and the crowd thinned out. That was when Veronica spotted an older couple in the back of their subway car and gestured toward them.

Logan put his arm around the back of her seat and leaned toward her. "Them?" he asked, pointing at the couple. She nodded, biting her lip in anticipation of his witty description of the couple. He had become quite good at this game.

"Well, isn't it obvious?" He looked at her smugly. "They're from Florida, here for the big event."

"I agree," she said, stifling a yawn. "But, I think there's something else." She craned her neck a bit to get a better look at the couple.

"Maybe they're really covert CIA agents or ... I don't know." She leaned against him and whispered. "They look like they have a really big secret."

"No," Logan said, shaking his head. "Nothing like that." He slid down in his seat a little and yawned. "They're just in love. You can always tell when a couple's really in love."

He closed his eyes and leaned his head back.

Veronica's mouth fell open slightly. She was stunned. She glanced back and forth between Logan and the older couple.

How was he still able to completely surprise her after all these years? And, how did he know so much about love?

She moved closer to him and put her head on his shoulder. "You're such a romantic, Echolls," she whispered as she patted his leg. "You're just a big softie." Logan smiled and pulled her closer as she drifted off to sleep.

_**End Flashback**_

Dick's continued taunts brought her back from her memories. "Aw, Ronnie, you're still basking in the afterglow of our trip, aren't you? I can tell ..."

"Dick, not even _you_ can ruin my mood today, so move along." She made a 'shewing' gesture. "Your evil powers are useless here."

"Hey, I thought my presence was demanded or requested or ... something," he looked slightly confused.

Veronica popped her hand on her forehead. She had used the "friends" text group set up on her phone to send out the message that morning asking everyone to meet her in the food court. For some odd reason, Dick was included in the group.

"Yeah, uh ... sorry about that, Dick," she pursed her lips and gave him her most insincere remorseful look. "My mistake. You don't have to stay."

"Nah, I'm good." He swept his bangs over his forehead. "I'm here anyway. And besides, Logan told me to fill him in. He's not coming."

"Why?"

"I don't know, Ronnie." The mischievous twinkle appeared in his eyes. "Maybe he's gettin' lucky. Dude's got priorities, ya know."

She rolled her eyes and turned her attention to Wallace and Mac, who had just sat down with her lunch.

Veronica touched her locket gingerly. It bothered her that Logan wouldn't be here to hear her news, but she shook it off and refocused on her excitement.

"Oh, Piz and Parker can't make it either," Mac said absently as she examined her pasta.

"O.k., well I guess it's not that big a deal," Veronica said with a little disappointment.

"So?" Wallace looked at her expectantly.

Veronica smiled widely and couldn't hold in her news any longer.

"O.k., so you remember my internship last summer?" Dick, Mac and Wallace nodded in unison. "Well, I got a call yesterday."

Veronica filled them in on her talk with the intern program supervisor and Agent Wentz. She had been selected for a pilot program within the FBI internship office. She would work directly with Agent Wentz this summer, focusing on profiling and research.

She might even get to travel to different field offices, depending on the case load and Wentz's involvement in the different cases.

"It will be a little shorter than last summer's internship - only eight weeks - but, it will be intense. I'll learn so much." She was practically bouncing in her seat by the time she finished.

"Wow, Veronica." Mac was the first one to speak. "That's amazing. I'm really happy for you."

"Yeah, you're pretty much like an action figure now, aren't you?" Dick nodded his head with a smile. "That'd be hot if it wasn't ... you know ... _you_."

"Thanks, Dick."

"Wallace?" Veronica questioned her best friend's lack of response.

"Hey, sorry." He shook his head and smiled. "I was just thinking about having to endure seeing our parents in swimsuits, making out on the beach all summer ... by myself." He shuddered and Veronica grimaced. "Yeah, I'm happy for you, V. Really. I'm just not thrilled for me."

She smiled and took one of his chips, crunching loudly.

"Dude," Dick said. "Will you be rooming with that friend of yours? 'Cause she's hot."

"Veronica, we're all so happy for you. That's really great news," Mac said with a smile after she punched Dick in the shoulder.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica walked through campus toward the parking lot, listening to her iPod as she scrolled through messages on her phone. She didn't see Logan standing in her path.

"Geez, Logan," she said breathlessly, putting her hand on her heart. "You scared me."

They hadn't seen each other more than a handful of times since returning from New York. She had tried to stop thinking about the mistletoe kiss after her Christmas party, without much success. _We're __just __friends_, had become her mantra.

Now, she also worked to avoid thoughts of New Year's Eve. _This __is __why __you __don't __kiss __your __friends, _she lectured herself sternly.

_**Flashback**_

New Year's Eve started early. They'd wanted to be in Times Square by early afternoon. So, they met for brunch at a bakery near the hotel, and then split up to get supplies. While Logan and Dick's supply search took them to a liquor store, Veronica and Jo found a bodega and bought everything from snacks and cheesy hats to confetti. They also stocked up on hand and feet warmers and extra scarves and gloves.

The foursome met up in Times Square at 2 p.m. Veronica was giddy for the first hour, thrilled with the super close position they had staked out. By 4 p.m., she was cold, tired and not as thrilled with they idea of spending eight more hours in their super close position.

By 11:30 p.m., though, her spirits were high again. Veronica literally pinched herself several times, convinced she was dreaming. _Nope_, she assured herself. _I__would__be__so__much__warmer__if__I__were__dreaming._

Her shivering had become very noticeable. Logan stood behind her, wrapping her in his his arms, after giving her his coat wasn't enough to keep her warm.

"Having fun?" He leaned down to her ear, but still had to yell over the noise of the crowd.

Veronica looked up and smiled brightly at him. _"So _much fun, Logan," she yelled back.

He smiled and set his chin on top of her head.

The countdown began and Veronica had butterflies in her stomach.

"10, 9, 8 ...," the crowd chanted in unison.

As the ball hit the ground, and thousands of people around them yelled, "Happy New Year," Logan turned Veronica toward him and leaned his forehead against hers.

"Happy New Year, Veronica," he yelled.

She smiled and stood up on her tip toes. "Happy New Year, Logan."

They moved closer together until their lips touched and Veronica's eyes closed involuntarily. He moved his hands up to the sides of her face, pulling her even closer, deepening the kiss.

Kissing Logan was unlike any other experience. She was lost, found, up, down and completely consumed. She had never felt this with anyone else. The only coherent thought she could form in that moment was to acknowledge the fact that kissing "friend Logan" was no different than kissing "more than friend Logan."

She knew she should pull away, certain that they had been kissing much longer than friends ever should - even on New Year's Eve. But, she couldn't stop.

Finally, Dick took care of that for her. He slammed into them, screaming some form of "Happy New Year," and Veronica and Logan pulled apart. Their eyes stayed connected for a few seconds longer, but the intimacy of the moment was shattered.

_**End Flashback**_

Logan touched her arm gently. "Hey, you o.k.?"

She nodded absently.

"Hmmm ... looks like you're gonna need that extra intern time to hone those super sleuthing skills," he said sarcastically as he held her steady with his hands on her shoulders. "I mean, I _was_ standing right in front of you."

His playful tone brought her fully back to the present.

Veronica shook her head, trying to clear out the memories. "Oh, everyone's a comedian today, I see. So, Dick told you?"

"Well, I'm sure the version I got from Dick is not ... shall we say, the _full_ version?"

She laughed and they started walking together toward the parking lot.

"Hey, where were you today?" She punched him softly in the side. "I wanted you to get the full briefing with everyone else."

"Oh, sorry about that," he said, avoiding her gaze. "I had a ... a meeting I had to go to."

"Hmmm ... lots of meetings for you lately." She squinted her eyes as she examined him. "Well, I guess I'll let it slide. The one-on-one version is probably better anyway."

Veronica filled him in on her internship, growing more animated with each detail.

"The thing is Logan," she said excitedly. "I think this is really what I want to do. Getting to work with Howie like ..."

"Howie?" He questioned with raised eyebrows.

She gave him an exasperated look. "_Agent __Wentz_. _Agent __Howard __Wentz._ Getting to work with him and see how this type of investigative work can really ..."

Logan smiled at her as he leaned against her Saturn. She stopped talking suddenly.

"What?"

"Nothing," he said, still smiling.

"No, Logan. What?"

"It's just ... it's just that I think it's great that you're so excited about this. You know? That you know what you want to do. I'm happy for you, Veronica."

She laughed her innocent, girlish laugh and looked down. "Thanks. It feels really good."

"Although, this Agent Wentz guy ... _Howie_," he mocked. "He's ... he's not ..."

"Logan. _Please_. Agent Wentz is a middle-aged, balding, mildly out-of-shape, happily married father of two. And, I'm pretty sure that when he sees me, he sees his six-year-old daughter. So ... there's that."

She felt a little guilty for slightly misrepresenting her mentor's appearance, but Logan needed some reassurance. And, it wasn't entirely untrue. _Baldness __and __fitness __are __subjective __terms, __right?_

"Yeah, well ... trust me, he could be 90 and still be a lech."

She laughed as she walked to the driver's side. "I'll take your word for that. You're more an expert on lecherous activity than I am."

"So, where ya headed?" He asked after opening her door.

"Oh, interesting that you would ask. I have a juicy, new case. Wanna come along?"

Logan looked surprised. He placed his hand on Veronica's forehead. "Are you feverish?" He paused. She looked at him in exasperation. "I'm sorry, who are you and what have you done with Veronica Mars?"

"Very funny. Forget it. Invitation rescinded." She fastened her seatbelt and leaned over to grab the door. "And, you will be _so_ sorry, too. This is a _very_ juicy case."

Logan held onto the door. "Well, color me intrigued. I'm in. But, I have class til 3. And then, a quick meeting with my Sociology prof after. What time do you need me?"

"Um, that should work. Meet me at the office around 4. I'll fill you in." Logan nodded and closed her door.

She rolled down her window. "Thanks. Now get out there and do some learnin'."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"So, Veronica, you understand that your part in this is very limited, right?" Keith gave her the patented "father stare" he had perfected over the years.

"Yes. We've been over this 50 times. I'm the 'C' team. Behind barbed wire and concrete bunkers. Got it."

"Yeah well, forgive me if I'm a little skeptical. You've been known to take a few unwarranted risks, _and_ not be completely forthright as you're doing it."

She tried to look offended. "Wow. Nice parenting, Papa Mars. If I'm not mistaken, you just called me a liar. And, a reckless one at that." She looked thoughtful, tapping her finger on her chin. "Hmmm ... I wonder what Dr. Spock would say about that."

He sighed loudly and shook his head. "Darling daughter, you know exactly what I was saying." He shrugged and picked up his bag. "And, if the combat boot fits ..."

"Hey, that's the _old_ Veronica. She doesn't live here anymore. _But_, have you met the _new_ Veronica?" She waved her hands up and down her body like a gameshow hostess.

"She's responsible, doesn't take unnecessary risks, includes her Dad in her life _and__..._ invited Logan along for the stakeout tonight."

His eyebrows shot up and he cocked his head when he heard Logan's name. "Logan, huh? Your _friend_, Logan?"

She gave him a tight smile. "Yes, my _friend_, Logan. He's meeting me here at 4."

He looked at her for a while as she went through files on her desk. "Hmmm. Good. I'm glad. But, don't let him distract you. Keep your head up and eyes open."

She rolled her eyes and tried to stuff some files in her messenger bag.

"O.k., I'm off. Call me tonight when you get home. I wanna hear that you're safe."

She nodded and smiled.

"I'll be at the same Days Inn I stayed at last time. Should be back by Sunday afternoon. I'll call."

"Sounds good. You be safe," she said and kissed his cheek. He gave her a side hug and kissed the top of her head.

"Will do. See ya, Kiddo."

Veronica pulled the files back out of her bag and looked inside to see what was blocking them. She pulled out an unfamiliar photo. It was so rare for her to actually hold photos anymore. She usually just kept digital copies on her computer.

She looked at the photo with a confused expression on her face.

She hadn't taken this photo. And, she didn't know who had. So, there was no way she could have put it in her bag. That alone was odd enough, but the subject of the photo baffled her even more. She was in it and didn't remember this photo being taken.

The black and white image showed Veronica sitting in Logan's lap on a blanket at the beach. And, judging by their hairstyles, it was taken last year, their freshman year at Hearst.

"We're at the beach. Dog Beach," Veronica said to the empty office. She and Logan had started going there again last semester during their "friendship dates." But, when they were dating, they had spent a lot time there. She remembered one day in particular.

_**Flashback**_

"C'mon, Veronica, just one," Logan coaxed with an all-out grin. He snaked an arm out to pull her closer to him on the sand, but she evaded his grasp.

"Not on your life, Echolls."

"What are you afraid of?"

"Uh ... Zombies. 80s fashion." She looked at him with a "duh" expression. "The fact that people I went to high school with now vote and determine our future. Oh, and I'm even a little bit leery of tofu, but don't tell Mac." She scooted closer to him as she joked.

"Can you be serious about this for one minute?"

She was serious; serious about not wanting to have this discussion with him. "There is a reason why we seldom discuss big, life issues, Logan." She had to look away and out toward the ocean then. It was practically impossible to say "no" to Logan when he got like this.

"I know." He paused, looking at her with tenderness as he brushed her hair off of her forehead. "And usually, I'm all for that policy. It's just that we've been through so much. I guess I just wanted us to have a moment of being, you know, like two normal college kids, talking about our future."

She continued to sit silently.

"C'mon ... you show me yours ... I'll show you mine," he teased with his patented smirk and eyebrow waggle.

"Veronica, what is it? Just one dream. You don't have to tell me everything. Just ..."

"Alright," she said in frustration. "I guess ... I know it doesn't really fit with everything else I want, but I think I still want ... or at least I don't want to entirely rule out ... "

He looked at her expectantly, urging her to finish.

"The whole marriage and family thing," she said quickly.

Logan nodded. She laughed, knowing he was trying not to show his surprise.

"O.k. I know, I know ... go ahead and laugh."

And, he did.

"But, I just said, 'maybe,' not 'definitely.'"

"No," he said between laughs. "I'm not laughing at the fact that you would want something like that; just that you would actually admit it. How very un-Veronica Mars of you." He reached over to pull her into his lap and she jumped up, glaring in faux anger.

"So, I share a deep, dark secret wish with you, and you mock me? Nice, Logan."

He held up his hands to plead his innocence. She chose then to plop down into his lap. "O.k., lover boy, your turn. Spill it."

Logan hugged her close to his chest. He kissed her gently and then placed his chin on top of her head. "C'mon, Veronica ... don't you know? I already have my dream."

_**End Flashback**_

That had been a good day.

Classes had started the following week and it had seemed that days like that were few and far between. They certainly had never discussed their dreams again.

"The photo is from that day at the beach," she said out loud with her trademark, "I just solved the mystery" voice. With that part of the puzzle solved, Veronica now wondered, _who __took __the __photo __and __put __it __in __my __bag? _And just as important, _Why?_

She couldn't wrap her mind around this photo mystery. It was too odd. So, she decided to table it and focus solely on her stakeout. The photo would still be there when she got home that night.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

By 4:10 p.m., Veronica was antsy. Logan hadn't showed. She had called and sent two text messages and so far, no response. She didn't have time to wait for him today.

She looked at the clock on the wall again and sighed. Wallace had a night class tonight and Mac had to work in the computer lab. She couldn't ask Piz or Parker - still too awkward. And, Weevil was still working his second job in the evenings. So, despite her best efforts, she was officially on her own tonight.

"I tried," she said as she gathered her things together and headed toward the door.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica tried to sit up, but her head was throbbing. The term "mild concussion" didn't come close to describing the pain she was in.

She did her best to look around the hospital room from her position on the bed.

"Ohh," she moaned. She jumped and then winced in pain when she heard someone move from behind the curtain.

"Veronica?" Logan appeared beside her bed.

"Thank God. You're o.k.?" He looked so worried.

"Y-yeah. I think so. My head ..."

"Yeah, you have a concussion. But, you're o.k., right? Do you remember what happened?"

"I think so. He ... I was outside the building and ..." She broke off, trying to put together all the pieces.

He seemed to suddenly shift from concerned Logan to pissed-off Logan.

"Yeah, and you were alone there, weren't you? Why, Veronica? You couldn't wait 15 minutes for me? 15 minutes?"

Logan was angry. Angrier than she had seen him since ... well, maybe since the Hearst rapist had roamed the streets.

"You know," he continued. "I bought it, Veronica. I bought all of it. The whole, 'I've changed' bit. 'It's the choices we make, Logan. We just need to make better choices,'" he mocked. Was that all just a load of crap? Was anything from this year true?"

His voice was so loud. He looked at her with such ... such disappointment. Her head felt like it might explode.

"Excuse me," a nurse leaned into the room. "You really need to keep it down. She has a concussion, and we have other seriously injured patients."

Logan glared at the intruder, but didn't speak. He paced around the small room, avoiding eye contact with Veronica.

"Lo-Logan," she tried to sit up.

"Don't." He stepped to the bed and put his hand on her arm to stop her.

"Please," she tried to grab his hand.

"Veronica. I'll stay here until your Dad gets here." Her eyes shot up toward his in surprise. "Yeah, I called him."

"I'm staying here, but I don't want to talk. Just ... just try to rest." He sounded just as tired as she felt.

He turned away and faced the door.

"I don't understand," she said weakly. "I called you. You didn't show, Logan. There was no one ..."

"That's crap, Veronica." He turned around to face her again. "There is always someone ... "

He stopped suddenly and walked closer to her bed. "My battery died. I had to borrow Dick's phone. You called?"

"Several times. And I sent texts. Wallace, Mac, Weevil - no one could come."

Logan put his hands on his head and looked around frantically, trying to make sense of the day's events.

"No one was supposed to be there, Logan. I went where Dad told me and stayed in the car. I tried to leave when I saw him. He wasn't even supposed to be there."

She and her father had been hired to prove that their client's husband, who had a lengthy criminal record, was cheating and planning to embezzle funds from the couple's business. They also suspected he planned to run away with his mistress.

Veronica's small part in the case was just to surveil the husband's accountant, and take notes so they could establish his routine. Keith would then take over and do the riskier surveillance on key meetings. The client's husband wasn't even supposed to be in town tonight. That's the only reason her Dad had allowed her to handle the stakeout.

"Vinnie said you called 911."

"I did. The moment I saw him."

He nodded.

"Logan, I'm ... I'm in a lot of pain." He closed the gap between them and took her hand.

"But, I need to tell you ... you're being a real jackass," she told him with a little more strength in her voice.

His eyes opened widely for a moment, and then she saw a smile tug at his lips.

"I really tried to do the right thing; to not put myself in danger. I tried. I called you, Logan."

He dropped to his knees next to the bed and looked into her eyes. "You did," he said softly. "You did, Veronica. You did the right thing. I'm so sorry I wasn't there. I'm so sorry."

He ran his fingers gently over the bruise on her face. "I shouldn't have yelled. It's not your fault. I was just scared, Ronnie." He closed his eyes for a moment. "When they called, I thought ... I thought ... I'm so sorry."

She smiled and squeezed his hand. Veronica took a deep breath and made a decision. She could be angry with him and freeze him out, or she could choose to understand that he acted out of concern for her.

"See, I really have changed, Logan. If I were the old Veronica, I wouldn't be considering forgiving you right now." _Score __another __one __for __mature __Veronica_, she mused.

He laughed and cupped her cheek with his hand. "Good point," he said softly.

She closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.

Veronica woke up hearing a muffled voice behind the curtain. She strained to make out what he was saying.

_"Right."_

_"No, I think she should. I'm staying with her."_

_"Yeah, o.k."_

_"I'll call you as soon as we get there. Bye, Mr. Mars."_

"Logan?" Veronica felt a little better and tried to sit up.

He poked his head around the curtain and put his phone back in his pocket.

"Hey, you look better." He walked over to her, smiling.

She nodded and reached for the water pitcher.

"Now that you're awake," he got to the pitcher first and poured a glass of water for her. "We should be able to get outta here."

She took a drink and coughed a little bit as the liquid hit her parched throat.

"Who was on the phone? Was it Dad? Is he coming?"

He sat next to her on the bed. "He's snowed in, Veronica. He's trying to get out." He squeezed her hand. "He'll be here as soon as he can."

She nodded and tried to sit up. "So, when can I get out of here?"

"I'll go check on that." He got up and walked to the door.

"Wait. Logan?"

"Yeah." He turned back toward her.

"Where's my stuff? My phone? I need to call Dad."

"Your stuff is at the Sheriff's Department with your car. We'll get everything tomorrow, o.k.?"

She nodded again. "O.k."

He pulled out his phone as he walked back to her bed. "Here, use Dick's phone. I'll be right back."

An ER physician released Veronica an hour later. He gave Logan strict instructions for her care. She smiled, watching Logan listen in earnest, and even asked questions, throughout the doctor's instructions.

They argued when they arrived at her apartment complex. He thought he should carry her in. She insisted she could walk. They compromised. She walked to the stairs and he carried her up to her apartment.

Logan made a bed for her on the couch and set up a mini-aid station on the kitchen bar. She giggled when she saw the ace bandages and band-aids.

"Seriously, Logan? Bandages? Will you be boiling water and tearing up bed sheets next?"

"Laugh it up, Mars. I'll remind you how funny all this is when I wake you up around 3 a.m."

She scowled and stuck her tongue out at him.

"Very mature, Veronica."

They heard a knock at the door and Logan reached for his wallet. "Dinner's ready."

They ate their takeout in relative silence. She was exhausted. Veronica yawned and stretched as she pushed the covers off of her to get up.

"I'll be back," she said, pointing toward the bathroom, when Logan gave her a questioning look.

Changing into her pajamas and brushing her teeth made her feel a little better. But, sleep was the only thing that would really help.

He was on the phone when she walked out of the bathroom.

_"Yeah."_

_"I'm sorry."_

_"Not really. No."_

He let out a deep breath._"Look, __Kim, __I __think __we __both __..."_

_"Yeah. Me, too."_

_"Well, I guess so. Bye."_

She waited until he put his phone back on the counter to speak. "Hey. Did you have plans tonight, Logan?" She asked as she walked toward the couch. "I'm really o.k. You should go."

"What? No, everything's good." He finished rinsing their dishes and turned toward her.

"Now, Logan," she said, hoping to keep the twinge of jealousy she felt out of her voice. "I don't want to come between you and your very special third week of January relationship."

He smirked at her, but didn't respond.

He walked back to the couch, lifted her feet up and sat down replacing them on his lap. "Nope, I'm here for the duration."

Veronica smiled softly at him.

They watched mindless television until she felt sleepy again and started nodding off.

"Thanks for being here, Logan. You're a good friend."

"Yeah, that's me," he said softly as he adjusted her blanket to cover more of her.

Logan woke her up every two hours and fussed over her like her father did when she was sick or hurt. It was sweet. He was sweet. _He's __a __very __good friend_, she thought as she drifted off again.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Something changed between Veronica and Logan after her hospital visit and his care for her afterwards.

Well, if she were completely honest with herself, she had actually noticed it after the winter break. _They_ were different. She couldn't put her finger on exactly what it was, but things were just ... different.

He was much busier than she had ever known him to be. He was always running off to a meeting or other obligation. She tried not to pry. But, in weak moments, she admitted to herself that it was killing her not knowing what he was doing.

While she didn't see him as often as she had the previous semester, when they were together now, they were closer; physically closer. He touched her more. It seemed that his arm was often around the back of her chair, or his hand at the small of her back. He touched her arm or shoulder when he leaned in to talk to her.

She knew it was innocent. He probably didn't even notice. But, it was noticeable to her. And, Veronica was finding it more and more difficult not to think about his touch and those kisses - the mistletoe and Times Square kisses.

Maybe this was why so many people couldn't be friends with their exes - too many memories, and way too much temptation. It would be easy to let hormones and fond memories persuade them to jump into something rash and impulsive. But, she knew how disastrous that would be for their new friendship.

They had worked too hard to build the easy-going, strong friendship they had now. Logan was one of her closest friends. He was her oldest friend. _This __is __just __a __phase_, she told herself. _I'll __be __back __to __normal __with __him __soon. __Whatever __normal __is __for __us._

It had become increasingly difficult to keep that perspective, though, since her friends refused to support her position. Mac and Wallace now just rolled their eyes when Veronica talked about her friend, Logan.

"Seriously, Veronica? You don't see it?" Mac looked at Wallace, seemingly expecting him to back her up.

The Logan-Veronica dynamic, as Mac described it, had become a regular lunch-time topic of discussion.

"Look, I realize that it's a teensy bit unusual, but it works for us." Veronica shrugged and looked back and forth between them, hoping they could move on to another topic.

Wallace laughed. "Yeah, it works for you because you're _dating_."

Veronica was bringing a fork-full of salad to her mouth when he made the comment. She stopped midway to stare at him in disbelief.

"Dating? That's ridiculous. Oh hey, I have an idea ... let's dissect your life now."

"O.k., after we finish yours." Mac said with a smile. She had that "I love a challenge" look in her eyes. "Let's use a comparison test. Wallace, you and Veronica are good friends, right?"

He nodded, winking at Veronica.

"O.k., then, do you hold hands with Veronica? Or, do you cuddle with her?"

Veronica glared at her.

Smiling, Wallace shook his head. "Nope."

"Do you get jealous about the guys she dates?"

"Nope."

"Do you look at her like you haven't eaten in a year and she's a juicy steak?"

"Ew ... I'm eating here. Nope."

"O.k.," Veronica jumped in. "Logan does _not_ do that."

"Wallace," Mac continued. "Have _you_ ever kissed Veronica passionately, full on the lips, with tongue, at midnight on New Year's Eve?"

Veronica gasped. "Mac!"

Wallace smiled hugely. "Nope. Never."

"Well, then," Mac said smugly. "I rest my case."

"Yeah, you two are hysterical. Maybe you should take your act on the road," Veronica grouched, pointing toward the food court exit.

Mac and Wallace just laughed. "The truth hurts, Veronica Mars," he said as he took a bite of his sandwich. "The truth hurts."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

She couldn't reach Logan, again. That had been happening a lot lately. _What's __going __on __with __him? _Veronica wondered for what seemed like the 100th time lately as she walked to her car. Maybe she should do some digging.

_Or, maybe I should just back off and let him come to me if and when he's ready._

Since her internship, she had really tried to be the kind of friend her friends deserved. Despite what Mac and Wallace thought, Logan _was_ included in that group.

_Friends __don't __spy __on __friends_, she reminded herself. Even still, every fiber of her being wanted to break into his suite and dig until she figured out the mystery of his behavior lately.

But, she had to fight that impulse. She wouldn't do that to Mac or Wallace ... at least, she wanted to think she wouldn't. So, she couldn't do that to him either.

_Didn't he know that his mysterious meetings and missed outings with his friends were driving her crazy?_

_No, __Veronica, __don't __give __in._ She laughed as she mentally compared herself to an addict talking herself out of her next fix.

Logan was her friend. Period. And, if he didn't want to talk to her about something in his life, then prying or forcing a confrontation would only damage their relationship and trust. She'd seen that happen when they were dating. _Nope. __I'm __not __that __girl anymore._

_There, that's settled._

_Ugh_, she thought to herself as she walked into her apartment. _There's __that __new, __mature __Veronica __again. __She __kinda __gets __on __my __nerves. _She rolled her eyes and flipped open her laptop.

Checking her email provided the brief distraction she needed. Mac had sent an email, and her messages were _always_ comical. She smiled as she read about her friend's latest nightmare in the computer lab, complete with Sci-Fi movie references.

"Some things are just better suited for email," she said as she forwarded the message to Wallace.

Finishing her reply to Mac, an idea popped in her head.

Veronica hit the "compose new message" button.

_"L,_

_Hey, stranger. Haven't been able to connect with you lately. I just wanted to ensure you're o.k., and not trapped under something heavy._

_Let me know if you wanna talk. I'm here._

_V_

_P.S. How's the surfboard business?"_

She looked up at the photo of them on her bulletin board as she hit "send."

She hadn't figured out where the photo had come from. Not knowing still bothered her, but she had to accept that she was out of leads for now. It was printed on garden-variety photo paper available at any office supply store. So common in fact, that it was the same kind they kept at Mars Investigations.

The field of suspects was very limited. But, there was no scenario that made any sense. Yet. And, she wasn't ready to tip her hand by outright asking her friends if they had done it. So, the trail was cold, for now. Veronica promised she would pick that mystery up again soon.

"I do love that photo," she whispered.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"V,_

_Something heavy? That's relative._

_No, just busy. What's up with you? Staying away from those stakeouts? You better be. I mean it. Don't make me call Daddy Mars._

_Surfboard business is good. We're an "Inc." now. Admit it, you're impressed?_

_L_

_P.S. Who was that guy with you in the food court today?"_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"L,_

_An "Inc.?" I really am impressed. When do I get a tour?_

_Dude, we could totally hang ten after class this week. Oh no ... I think I just channelled Dick._

_Yep. I'm still benched. I'm thinking I might see another stakeout around my 75th Birthday._

_"Guy in the food court" is a friend. Kevin. Are you stalking me? Creepy._

_V_

_P.S. Seriously, Logan, I'm proud of you. An "Inc.?" Wow."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"V,_

_How's Thursday at 2? The shop on Oceanside._

_Kevin, huh? Yeah, we'll talk. Not stalking. Just watching out for you. Your taste in men has been suspect._

_See you Thursday._

_L_

_P.S. Bring your suit. Or not ... up to you. I know which I'd prefer."_

Veronica really looked forward to her email conversations with Logan. Lately, it was the most contact she had with him. Their schedules had kept them running in different directions all semester. And, she really missed her friend.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

She pulled into the parking lot of the surf shop Logan now owned and stared at the sign with a bit of confusion.

The sign read, "The Green Room." If it weren't for the surfboards littering the front walkway she would've assumed she was in the wrong place.

_I could've sworn the company's name was something more straightforward like, "California Surf Shop." Where had he gotten that name? _

"Hey, Veronica," Logan shouted from the ocean side of the building as she walked toward the front entrance. "Over here."

She walked toward the beach where Logan was standing with a group of surfers. As she got closer, she realized that most of them were young kids or teens.

"Hey." Veronica shielded her eyes from the sun as she approached.

"Ronnie." Logan's smile filled his whole face. "Welcome to the best little surf shop in Neptune." He waved his arms around to encompass the building and parking lot.

"It's great, Logan. New sign?" she asked, pointing at the large sign in the parking lot.

"Yeah," he said a little shyly while he pulled on the arms of his wet suit.

"The Green Room?" she questioned.

He nodded. "I'll explain later. Right now," he said with a flourish. "I believe I owe you a tour."

He wished the group of kids a good run, then placed his hand on her back and led her into the side entrance of the shop.

Logan showed her every aspect of the surf shop business from the customer service counter to the shop in the back where they actually made the surfboards.

He was like a child let loose in a toy store. She smiled as he explained every detail, and introduced her to his employees.

"And, this is Alex. He is who we affectionately like to call, 'The Closer,'" he said, clapping his hand on Alex's back.

"'The Closer?'" Veronica questioned.

"Yeah." Logan and Alex smiled at each other, obviously enjoying their private joke.

"Explain, please."

"Uh, I'll tell you later." Logan walked toward the door. "Let's just say that sometimes customers don't know what they want and we have to help them. And, move the slow products. You know ... win-win."

"Yeah, I think I get it," Veronica retorted.

Logan finished the tour, and then led Veronica out to the beach for a surf lesson.

"How is it that I haven't taught you to surf yet?"

She laughed. "Probably because I haven't let you."

"Well, we're about to remedy that." He picked up her board after the preliminary lessons on the beach, and walked into the water. "Prepare to have your world rocked, Mars."

They stayed on the beach for at least an hour after her lesson. The sun warmed and dried them as they talked and laughed, and caught each other up on the details of their lives.

"I don't believe you." She rolled over on her side and propped herself up on her elbow. "Logan Echolls, player of all players, is intentionally single?" He nodded.

"On purpose?"

He nodded again.

"For an extended amount of time?"

"It's true." Logan held up his hand as if officially swearing. "I haven't been on a date ... or you know, anything ... for almost four months."

She gasped in mock horror.

"Actually," he corrected as he sat up. "It's probably more accurate to go back to right before Christmas."

She looked at him incredulously.

"Now Logan, are you forgetting Candy or ... whats-her-name from my party? And, how about Kim? You know, the girl I made you miss a date with when I was ..."

"Wow, Ronnie, you sure do keep track of my love life." He smirked at her. "Is there something you want to tell me?"

"Yeah, Logan," she said sternly as she stood up and dusted sand off of her shorts. "I'm telling you that I don't believe you."

"Well, you should."

He looked up at her and sighed in defeat when she refused to respond.

"_Kim_, was my date for your party, _and_ the same girl I talked to at your house when we came home from the hospital. She had asked me to a sorority fundraiser for that night, but we weren't dating anymore."

Veronica looked at him like he had three heads.

"What's going on with you?"

He smiled and put his shirt on. "Maybe I'm just feeling more discriminating lately. Is that so hard to believe?"

She thought for a moment and then gave him her best PI investigative glare.

"Yeah, it really is. You're up to something. Spill it."

"Veronica." He stood up and smiled at her indulgently. "There's nothing going on. I'm busy. And frankly, I'm just not interested in casual dating. No mystery."

She wasn't convinced, but decided to let it go.

Veronica left "The Green Room," still baffled by all the changes in Logan's life. She was surprised again to find an email from him when she got home.

_"V,_

_Today was fun. We should do it again. You could use the practice._

_L_

_P.S. Thanks for coming, and for your support. It means a lot."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"L,_

_Thanks for the tour and surf lesson. I like your store. It suits you._

_You intrigue me._

_V_

_P.S. What's up with "The Green Room?"_

_VMVMVMVMVMVMVM_

Veronica heard her phone buzz while getting ready for bed. She hadn't heard from Logan since the email after their "friend date" at his surf shop a week ago. So, she was a little surprised to see his text.

"wn2 no wht green rm means? Meet me 7 our plce"

She was dumbstruck. What is going on with him?

Veronica tapped a text back to him.

"u r crazy. k9 bch?"

Her phone buzzed again immediately.

"u hav 2 ask?"

Another message followed right after.

"Ul b there. its a mystri."

Veronica laughed as she climbed into bed. _Yep, __he __knows __me __very __well._

VMVMVMVMVMVMVM

She wasn't sure what to wear to her bizarre, early morning meeting with Logan. Opting for jeans and a T-shirt, she threw her suit and towel in a bag, just in case.

Logan's Rover was in his usual spot when she arrived. She saw him sitting on a blanket half-way toward the water. He was also in jeans so she left her bag in the Saturn.

"Good morning, Sunshine," she said with a much perkier tone than was normal for her.

Logan looked up and smiled, patting the space on the blanket next to him. He handed her a takeout coffee cup.

"Ah, you're a good man, Echolls. I don't care what everyone says."

Logan nodded with a ghost of a smile on his lips. He stared intently at the ocean.

They sat in silence for several minutes. Veronica couldn't stand it any longer and touched his arm.

"Logan," she said softly. "What's going on?"

He leaned back on his elbows and took a deep breath. He looked at her intensely, and then spoke. "I want to tell you what's been going on with me, Veronica. It's time."

- To be continued -


	6. Chapter 6  The Long Road, Part III

**AN:** While doing research for this chapter, I discovered that there actually are some "Green Room" surf shops, so I want to be clear - no copyright infringement intended. I don't own the rights to the Green Room, etc., etc.

**AN2:** Nerdyesque inspired the description of Agent Wentz in this chapter. Thanks for the visual!

Many thanks to all of you who have joined me on this journey. Your readership, reviews, alerts and favoriting have been so motivating and encouraging. Thank you for making me feel like I'm not crazy for doing this!

_**And, **__**Steenbeans, **__**Super **__**Beta, **__**you **__**rock **__**(as **__**always)!**_

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter Six - The Long Road Part III**_

"Logan," Veronica said softly. "What's going on?"

He leaned back on his elbows and took a deep breath. Logan looked at her intensely as he spoke. "I wanna tell you what's been going on with me, Veronica. It's time."

She nodded, placed her coffee on the sand, and then leaned back, too, turning on her side to watch him.

He blew out a breath and sat up, turning toward her. The sound of waves crashing against the beach was soothing, but Veronica was still tense in anticipation of what Logan was about to share with her.

"It all kinda began last semester, with buying the surf shops." He stopped and stared back at the ocean.

"O.k." Veronica placed her hand on his arm to encourage him to continue. She couldn't imagine where this conversation was going. _Buying __the __surf __shops __was __a __good __thing, __right?_

He looked back at her and put his hand on top of hers. "Do you remember that talk we had here, when I told you about buying the company?"

She nodded. "Of course. Yeah Logan, I remember."

"I was pretty sure I had made yet another dumb decision. I was sure that ..." He took a deep breath and put his hands behind his head, dislodging hers in the process. "You said that buying that company was my calling or my purpose; something like that."

Veronica thought back over their conversation. She remembered trying to encourage Logan that his decision to buy the company could be a wonderful thing in his life. _I __can't __believe __he __remembered __that._

"The thing is, I've never really thought about my life like that." He looked at her then with an expression she didn't recognize. Was it sadness, fear ... or maybe, hope? She wasn't sure. She simply nodded in encouragement, and he continued.

"Look, I'm a realist about life." Logan looked pointedly at her. "You are, too, Veronica." He broke eye contact then and put his hands in the sand to fidget with the rocks and shells.

"Is that what we're calling it now?" She tried to be flippant, but he wasn't in the mood. She recovered quickly. "Sorry, go ahead."

His eyes were hard, filled with years of self-protection, as he looked back at her. "I know what I am. I know what people think of me, and what my life is supposed to end up like."

"What are ..."

"Veronica, just let me get this out, o.k.?"

She shook her head, but motioned for him to continue.

"I've seen the case studies. I know all the classic symptoms - self-destructive behavior, check. Abuse of alcohol or drugs, check, check. Self-loathing, yeah. I think that one is my favorite." His hands moved more roughly in the sand now.

Veronica was confused. _Where __is __he __going __with __all __of __this?_

"I was the poster child for screwing up. You know that better than anyone." He found a large rock next to the blanket and threw it down the beach. "I've heard all the psychobabble crap about kids who grow up like I did. I know what everyone says. I just kinda accepted it as a foregone conclusion; never really thought about my life in the future, you know?"

Veronica just nodded again, not sure what Logan was looking for in response.

"So, I sign up for this Sociology course this semester. The one that changes topics each time." He glanced up seeming to ask if she knew the type of class he meant. Veronica nodded. "Well, as fate would have it, this semester's topic has been 'Violence in the American Family.' How apropos, right?" His laugh was completely humorless.

"Oh God, Logan ... why didn't you tell me? Is that why ..." She sat up and grabbed his hand.

"I figured I could handle it, you know. And then ..."

He stopped and Veronica thought he might not be able to finish.

"It's o.k. I understand. I can't imagine how difficult this semester has been for you. Why didn't you ..."

"No, it's not just that. See, we had these guest speakers. These guys who had been through ... well, let's just say I could relate. The first guy never dealt with it. He was an alcoholic by 16 and pretty much a major screwup."

He gave her a smirk that seemed to say, 'like me.' She didn't smile.

"His friends and foster family helped him, and he went on to barely make it through college, get married, have a kid. But, he couldn't handle it, Veronica." She could hear the emotion in his voice and rubbed small circles on his arm, hoping to comfort him. "He hurt his family. He became ... he hurt them. And, it killed him. But, not before he had ruined the lives of his family and friends. We got to hear it first-hand. His wife's the one who talked to my class."

Logan's pained expression ripped through Veronica, and her natural desire to fix and help the broken took over.

"Logan." He didn't turn toward her. "Logan." She turned his face toward her. "That's not you, Logan. It's not."

"Yeah, but it could be."

"No ..."

"There's more." He turned his face out of her grasp. "Then, I met this kid, at the surf shop. He was like me, you know? I could tell. He was ... I mean, he never let it show, but I know. I know the signs. I know that kind of cocky, arrogant jerk. I know when someone's hiding something ugly like I ... I just know. And, he's only 14. He hasn't screwed up his life yet. I used to just watch him and think, 'what a jerk,' and then one day, it hit me. I realized that maybe someone like me is the only one who could ever really help someone like him."

Veronica was stunned. She absently chewed on her thumb nail, trying to grasp what he was telling her. "Logan, are you saying ..."

He smiled shyly and pulled her hand away from her mouth. "That's what 'The Green Room' is."

She smiled, too, but was still very confused. "O.k.? I'm still a little fuzzy on what exactly 'The Green Room' is, Logan."

He laughed. "Right. You're not a surfer. Yet."

"Yeah. O.k., still not following ..." Veronica just stared at him, waiting for him to explain.

He picked up her other hand, too, and moved their hands up and down together, expelling some of his nervous energy.

"There's this magic spot, inside the barrel of a wave." His expression became animated then, like it only did when he talked about surfing. "It's just so amazing, so peaceful. You don't hit it every time, but when you do ... well, there's just nothing like it. It's almost like a safe place or a refuge, you know? It's called ..."

Veronica finally got it and smiled widely, nodding in understanding. "'The Green Room.' Of course. I get it."

He smiled softly, nodding his head. "Well, Prof. Eldridge, my Sociology professor, told us about different types of therapy they're doing now to work with traumatic stress victims; war vets and abuse victims mostly. Anyway, they're using all kinds of things - horseback riding, extreme sports - to provide an outlet ... to help. So, why not surfing? That's what I had when I was ... " He stopped and looked at her solemnly. "So, I figured, why couldn't I do that with my surf shops?"

Logan filled her in on the details of how he selected the Oceanside store to be the headquarters for "The Green Room," a nonprofit organization that uses surfing to help victims of abuse.

"That's what I've been doing over the last few months." He smiled and ran both hands through his hair. "I've had a ton of stuff to do - meetings and pitches - to get everything up and running. It was big, Ronnie; so much bigger than I thought it would be. But, it's official now," he said proudly. "We just finished our first pilot class."

Veronica couldn't speak for a moment. She looked down, shaking her head in amazement.

"How ... how did you do all this? I c-can't believe ..."

He smiled the first fully genuine smile she had seen from him since she sat down. "I'm a little surprised that you didn't already know." He looked at her, gauging if she truly was surprised. Then, he shook his head and laughed. "Well, wonders never cease. Veronica Mars, investigative dynamo, didn't have the scoop on something? And now, she's speechless? Look, up in the sky, is that ..."

"Very funny, Logan. Hey, remember, the new and improved, non-snoopy me? We want to keep her around, right?" She pointed to herself and he nodded, still smiling. "Don't make me go back to tracking your cell phone and bugging your car. So, what ..."

"Wait, when did you bug my car?"

She patted his leg with a condescending smile. "Oh Logan, that's ancient history, right? Anyway, back to you. What does all this mean?"

"Yeah, I'm still kinda stuck on you bugging my car."

Veronica shrugged and stood up. "So, so long ago. Memory's kinda fuzzy. Come on, Philanthropist Boy, let's walk."

He laughed and shook his head. "Remind me again how you're not in prison?"

"Oh, that's easy. I use my powers for good, instead of evil."

They walked down the beach while Logan answered her questions about his new venture.

"So, what does this mean for the future? Is this a career you're making here, Echolls? How very 'salt of the earth' of you."

"Honestly, I don't know. I know that I like what I'm doing. If I can turn it into something more then, maybe ..."

She put her arm around him as they walked back toward their cars. "Well, I think it's safe to say that you are well on your way toward becoming a productive member of society." She shook her head. "Who would've thought?"

"Certainly not me," he joked. Logan turned and gripped her arms lightly. "Listen Veronica, you kinda started this whole thing, you know?"

"What? No. I didn't have anything to do with this. It was all you."

"No, you did. You believed in me. You told me I could do it, that this could be something. You just made me believe a little bit, and maybe want something more."

"Logan, I didn't ..."

"Yes, Ronnie, you did. So, just accept it, o.k.?" He hugged her and whispered into her ear. "Thank you, Veronica. I mean it. Thank you."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"L,_

_So, still blown away by the whole "Green Room" thing. Wow. I'm really proud of you._

_V_

_P.S. Very funny. I found the "bug" in my car. You're a real comedian."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"V,_

_Thanks. You should come check it out sometime. Clinics are Tuesdays and Thursdays. I want you to see it._

_So, still leaving in a few weeks?_

_L_

_P.S. I don't know what you're talking about. Plastic bug in your car? Not me."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Finals rolled around and Veronica and "the gang" found less and less time to spend together. She still had almost a month before her internship began, so she was determined to spend quality time with her Dad, Mac, Wallace ... and Logan before she left.

She hadn't shared Logan's big news with Mac and Wallace yet, but he had agreed to let her tell them about his new venture. She was just waiting for the right time. Apparently, today's study lunch break was the right time. And, they were appropriately stunned.

"Wait. We _are_ talking about Logan Echolls, right?" Mac's mouth hung open in shock as Veronica explained the whole "Green Room" concept.

"Yes, Mac," she laughed. "I know it sounds unbelievable, but it kinda makes sense."

"I guess," Wallace said incredulously.

"Hey, Guys." Piz plopped down at their table. "What's goin' on?"

"Oh, uh ... Logan has a new business." Mac explained awkwardly.

Piz nodded. "Really? That's ... that's great, I guess. Let me guess, boxing?" He tried to laugh. "You know, 'cuz he ..."

"Yeah, um ... it's really more of a nonprofit ..." Veronica began uncomfortably, but Piz cut her off.

"You know, I gotta get to my shift. I just wanted to say, 'Hi.' So, uh ... I'll let you guys get back to it." He waved slightly, got up and walked away.

Mac, Wallace and Veronica looked at each other with sad expressions.

"I take it Piz is still not ..." Veronica looked questioningly at Wallace.

"Yeah, give him time, V. He'll get there." He smiled reassuringly at her.

Piz very seldom joined them in the food court anymore. And, he almost never initiated a conversation with Veronica. She understood, but it still bothered her. Her failed relationship and friendship with him served as a regular reminder that making the right decision initially is always better than trying to salvage a wrong one later. _I __never __should've __dated __him,_ she told herself for the millionth time.

"So, Veronica." Mac's words snapped her out of her recriminations. "You're serious? Logan is really hanging out with wayward teenagers, teaching them to surf?"

Wallace snorted.

"Well, why don't you come see for yourselves?" Veronica smiled brightly and raised her eyebrows as she shared Logan's invitation with them. "We've all been invited to go watch tomorrow."

"I can't," Mac said. "I really need to study, but maybe ..."

"Bring your books. That's what I'm doing," Veronica pleaded with her eyes. "C'mon, please come. It's so important to him and I ... I don't know ... I just thought we could all go together."

Mac and Wallace didn't respond immediately so Veronica placed her chin on her hands, stuck her lip out and batted her eyes.

"O.k., that's just wrong, Veronica," Mac said with a laugh.

"Wait a minute," Wallace smiled wickedly. "You don't want to go by yourself? What's wrong, V, feeling shy around your boyfriend?"

"Very funny. No, it's just ... I don't know. I think we should be there to support him. It's a really big deal. And besides, we really need to encourage his more legal activities," she joked.

Wallace still smiled and looked unconvinced.

"Fine," they said in unison. Her two friends looked at each other and laughed. "But," Mac continued, looking at Wallace to see if she had the floor now, "You're driving." She pointed at Veronica. "_And,_ bringing the study snacks."

"Deal." Veronica smiled victoriously at her friends and went back to studying.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"This is for real?" Mac asked in wide-eyed amazement. The trio sat on the beach with their books and snacks spread out on a blanket. Logan stood by the water talking to a group of teens.

"Yeah, it really is." Veronica's voice was almost breathless as she followed Mac's gaze. She turned toward her friend. "Pretty amazing, huh?"

"Yeah," Mac agreed. "Pretty amazing."

Veronica had trouble focusing on her notes. She kept watching Logan as he interacted with the teens, surfing instructor and surf shop employees. She smiled as Logan play-fought with one of the taller teens.

_I wonder if that's the kid he told me about? _

He looked up then and caught her staring at him. He waved and gave her a cocky smile in acknowledgement. The teen with him followed his gaze toward Veronica and made a gesture of appreciation to Logan. He and Logan shared a comment, and then laughed together.

_Oh __yeah, __he's __totally __in __his __element __here_, she thought as she shook her head and tried to refocus on her study guide.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

The next few weeks flew by and Veronica was, once again, driving to the airport with her Dad to fly to D.C.

"Yeah, I'm not liking this trend," her Dad told her in his mock-serious voice.

"And, what trend would that be?"

He navigated into the exit lane as they neared the airport. "This 'you leaving' trend. It's not workin' with my whole 'locking you in the basement until your 40' plan."

"You realize we don't have a basement, right?"

"A fact that can soon be remedied."

"You're scaring me a little, Dad. What happened to that book club I recommended? Knitting? Bridge?" She gave him a faux-concerned expression. "I'm worried about you, Pops."

He smiled at her and nodded. "Yeah, your concern is overwhelming."

They drove in comfortable silence as Keith found a spot in the parking garage. "You know you can drop me off at the curb, Dad? I'll see you in two months."

"Nope. I'm taking every last minute of your time here. Don't argue. It gives you wrinkles."

She laughed and gathered her things. He touched her arm as she opened her door. "Hey, Kiddo, hold up a minute." His joking tone turned more serious. Veronica closed the door and faced him. "You know I'm proud of you, right?" She smiled and nodded. He continued with a sad smile. "And, as much as I miss you when you're gone, I wouldn't want you to miss this for anything in the world."

Veronica placed her hand on her father's cheek, rubbing softly. "Yeah, I know. I'm pretty proud of you, too. And, I'll miss you, too. I always do."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica was surprised at how much more hands-on this summer's internship was compared to her previous stint with the FBI. She worked actual cases with Agent Wentz, and shadowed him through every stage of the profiling process. She loved every aspect of the work they did. The work challenged her on every level - intellectual, physical and mental. In short, Veronica was hooked.

Four weeks into her internship, Wentz offered Veronica yet another opportunity. An unsolved murder case on the west coast bore a striking resemblance to a string of murders in the D.C. area. The FBI was now involved.

Veronica and Wentz flew to LA to consult and merge the profiling data from the east coast crimes. The trip had been unexpected and her father and friends had been thrilled that she would have a day at home in the middle of her internship.

Oddly enough, Veronica was pretty sure she was even more excited than they were. _Since __when __do __I __get __excited __about __being __in __Neptune?_

After two full days of interviews, briefings and data analysis, Veronica was mentally and physically exhausted. She couldn't wait to unwind on her favorite beach. And, since they only had one free day during this brief trip, she hoped to make the most of it by showing her mentor some of the hot spots of home.

Her Dad was anxious to meet and size up the man who had become so important to her. He insisted the impromptu dinner gathering at the Fennel's that night was just to make Agent Wentz feel comfortable. His constant quips about being replaced as the most important man in her life told her differently. _Yet __another __man __in __my __life __who __needs __reassurance_, she thought with a smile.

Logan had also been happy she was coming home for a surprise visit. Although, not as much when he realized she would be with Agent Wentz the whole time.

_**Flashback**_

"You're coming home? Tomorrow?" He sounded excited about the prospect.

"Well, not exactly. I'll be in LA working for two days, and then have a day at home. We have to come back here Thursday."

"One day? That's it?"

"Yeah. I know. But, it's one day I hadn't planned on getting to see all of you, so I'm not complaining."

In the midst of his whining about missing their "friend dates," she had asked him for a surfing lesson to impress her east-coast mentor. He readily agreed.

"Can he handle surfing? I mean, does he need like a doctor's note or something?" Logan asked jokingly. "Should I practice my CPR?"

"Yeah, Logan, I think he'll be fine. You just bring the boards and I'll bring the fresh meat for your superior surfing prowess and acerbic wit. Sound like a deal?"

"Oh, yeah. I'll be there." She could almost see the devious thoughts running through his mind. He would find ways to both push her buttons, and mess with Wentz during the surf lesson. "I've really missed you, Ronnie," he said softly as they hung up. But, he would be sweet about the torment.

_**End Flashback**_

Veronica and Agent Wentz had arrived in Neptune that morning. They had eaten breakfast with her Dad, stopped by the hotel where he would be staying for the night, and then headed to the beach.

"So, what are you thinkin', Mars?" Wentz leaned down to brush some sand off his leg. "Do you think you'd be willing to give up the adrenaline and status of fieldwork for this?" He waved his arms widely in front of him. She knew he was referring to his line of work.

They'd had this conversation before. He made no pretense about his preference that she choose the profiling and research route over becoming a field agent.

She smiled knowingly at him. "Well, after the last few days of monotony, you may want to work on your sales pitch there, Howie. Not real convincing."

"That's _Agent __Wentz_, Miss Mars. I hate it when you call me that. It's disrespectful and annoying."

He reached down and splashed some water on her to soften his rebuke. She tried to jump out of the way, but her right side was still soaked.

"Fine, _Agent __Wentz_." She walked in front of him and splashed him back, drenching him in the process.

He stopped suddenly, the water attack obviously surprising him.

"Oh, I'm sorry, _Agent __Wentz_. Was that disrespectful?" She laughed and walked further down the beach.

"Really, Mars? You really wanna do this?" He asked with a menacing tone that Veronica had come to know meant she was about to receive yet another lesson from her mentor.

"Uh ... truce?" she asked innocently.

"Yeah, I don't think so."

She took off running. He overtook her in three steps, picked her up in a loose hold and walked deliberately toward the water.

He used his technical voice as he delivered his lecture, ticking off his main points. "Mars, let's go over the basics again. Your assets will never be physical strength or force, or even evasive techniques. Avoid situations where that would be necessary. You know, like this one. Use your head. Is it really smart to physically agitate someone who has a 100 pounds and more than a foot on you?"

She squirmed, trying to get away, using all the self-defense moves she had learned. He continued in a calm, even voice as he treaded into the water.

"No? Exactly. You need to rely on your investigative skills and smarts. Otherwise, you just end up getting thrown into the deep end when you're not ready." With that, Agent Wentz tossed Veronica into the waves.

She came up sputtering, ready for a fight. He reached his hand out to help her, but she batted it away, preparing to launch into him until her eyes caught someone on the beach. Logan.

Her mentor, and now friend, was empirically a very attractive man. Although she really didn't see him that way, she knew it was true. Their age difference, and his role in her life, ensured that she saw him more as a professional mentor, or father figure, than anything else. But, she knew that FBI Agent Howard Wentz possessed the kind of rugged good looks that made most women go a little crazy.

Veronica guessed he was at least six feet, three inches tall, maybe a bit taller. He was lean and fit, especially for someone in his early forties. And, while he wasn't the kind of guy to hang out in the gym all day, previous military experience had sparked in him a love of running, push-ups, sit-ups, pull-ups and martial arts. He still wore a very short, military hair cut, but other than that, he looked very much at home on a California beach. In other words, he was hot.

These were the thoughts that ran through Veronica's mind when she saw Logan; or more accurately, when she saw the look on his face. Wentz was exactly the kind of man who threatened him. And, while her previous description of her mentor to him months ago had seemed harmless at the time, she now saw that, coupled with their antics in the water, it must seem like deception; or maybe even betrayal.

She and Logan had become so close. He still wasn't seeing anyone, and she hadn't dated since Kurt. They seemed to fill that void for each other. She also knew Wallace and Mac would have a field day if she admitted that, so she kept it to herself.

Veronica could only imagine the thoughts running through his head after witnessing her play fight with Wentz on the beach. She put herself in his position for a moment and cringed. While it really was an innocent interaction between teacher and pupil, she acknowledged that it probably looked much less innocent to him. She would have been hurt to see Logan interacting with another woman like that, especially after the mistletoe and New Year's kisses, and the months of intimacy they had built while nurturing their friendship. Yes, theirs was an odd relationship, but it really did work for them; until today.

"Logan!" She called to him. She watched Howie turn to look at him. Logan's eyes moved from hers to lock with his.

_Oh, __no_.

Logan picked up his surfboard, and a smaller one she assumed he had brought for her, turned around and walked briskly toward the parking lot.

"I'm sorry," Veronica said to Wentz. "I have to go after him. I'll be back."

She took off running toward the parking lot, making it there just as Logan had opened the driver's side door.

"Logan." She breathed heavily, placing her hand on the door to steady herself. "Wait."

He slowly turned toward her. She saw a kaleidoscope of emotions flicker through his eyes - anger, hurt, betrayal, sadness and then, the one she feared the most, bitter complacency.

"You know what, Veronica? I don't think I'll wait. But, thanks all the same."

He yanked the door out of her grasp and she stumbled.

"Hey!" She steadied herself.

He smiled insincerely and got into his SUV.

She was still dripping wet, but made a rash decision to stop him from leaving.

"Hey, don't ..." Logan twisted around in his seat as she opened the back door and climbed into the seat."

"No. We're going to talk about this ... about what you just saw, or think you saw."

"You're ruining the leather. Get out, Veronica." He turned back toward the front and refused to look at her.

"I'll have it detailed," she said in exasperation. "Don't you think this is more important than your leather right now?"

"Honestly? No, I don't." She gasped and he continued as if he hadn't noticed. "I mean, you lied ... you're still lying. Nothing new. I was only here to do a favor for you and your _friend._ I don't feel like doing that anymore."

She resisted the urge to be angry and lash out about his unfair characterization of her. But, for once, she wasn't concerned with defending herself. She just wanted Logan to be o.k.

_Deep breath, Veronica. You can fix this. And then, you can yell at him._

"Just listen to me," she pleaded. He sat in stony silence. "Fine, don't respond. But, I'm not getting out of this car without telling you the truth about what you think you saw down there."

He snorted and shook his head. "Trust me. I'm familiar with native mating rituals. I _know _what I saw."

"No, what you saw was Agent Wentz putting me in my place after I got too cocky with him. He is a stickler for professionalism and ..."

He laughed bitterly. "Oh, clearly. I can see how your bikini and his hands all over you produce nothing but professionalism," he said sarcastically. "Just drop it and get out of the car." He sounded weary and defeated.

"No, I won't drop it. The only reason we were even out here today is because I wanted you to meet him. And, you and I have worked so hard on our friendship. Why would I lie about my relationship with him knowing that it would damage ... us ... and what we have here?" She leaned over the seat, hoping her gentle plea would get through to him.

He turned slowly toward her and she felt a glimmer of hope, until she saw his eyes. They were black with anger.

"I don't know. Maybe for the same reason you lied about his appearance. Balding? Out-of-shape? Yeah, right. Oh, and I'm pretty sure that little exhibition I witnessed proves that he does _not_ see you as his six year-old daughter."

She winced visibly. _I __knew __that __would __come __back __to __bite __me._

"Look, you're right. I did misrepresent his appearance." He snorted again. "But, I know how you get, and I didn't want you thinking there was anything going on between us."

"Yeah, good plan. How's that working out for ya?"

"Why are you acting like this? Agent Wentz is my mentor. He is twenty years older than I am. And, he _is_ very happily married with two children. Whether you want to believe it or not, he is a friend to me. I trust his guidance and advice. I knew that I would most likely be spending a lot of time with him, and I didn't want you to feel ... I don't know ..." Her voice drifted off while she tried to gather her thoughts. "I don't know. What is it that you're feeling?"

He whipped around to look at her again. "What am I feeling? That's rich. You don't really care what I'm feeling or you wouldn't have invited me to that ... show I witnessed down there." He gestured wildly toward the water.

"Geez, Logan, it's not like you and I are dating or anything. I don't understand this."

She regretted her words immediately. His demeanor calmed visibly and he turned rigid.

"You're right. It's not." He started the vehicle and turned his head slightly toward the back seat. "It's time to go. Go back to your ... whatever he is. I'm leaving."

"Logan, please just ..."

"Good-bye, Veronica. I really have to go." His tone was completely devoid of emotion, and it worried her.

He put the Rover in reverse and began tapping the steering wheel.

"O.k., I'll go. But, will I see you tonight?" He didn't answer. "Please come ..."

"Please get out of the car."

She felt as if he had physically struck her. He was so cold and detached.

She opened the door and slid out of the back seat. "I'm sorry ..."

He cut her off by backing out before she had even shut the door.

Logan didn't show at the dinner party that night. He also hadn't answered his phone or responded to her texts and emails. Veronica was irritated with his out-of-proportion reaction. But, she would do almost anything to hold on to her friendships with Wallace and Mac. And now, she felt that way about Logan, too.

She was leaving for the airport in 15 minutes, and decided to try one more time.

_"L,_

_I know I won't see you before I go. I'm leaving in a few minutes. But, I just can't stand leaving things this way. Your friendship - no, YOU, are too important to me._

_I get that you need time to process this. But, I guess I just wanted to ask you something. Can you really not find a way to get past this? I told you the truth about Wentz. O.k., maybe not about his appearance. But, honestly, would you have wanted to hear that he looked more like Jason Statham, than say ... my Dad?_

_I know how it must've looked, and I'm sorry for that. I would've hated seeing you frolicking on the beach with some girl. I guess, because of our history, we just have a difficult time seeing each other with other people like that._

_But, as much as I would've hated it, I want to believe that the girl I am today would put our friendship first; would put you first. Now, that doesn't mean I wouldn't have a few snide remarks about her, but hey, I'm still me!_

_Trust me, I got the message that you don't want to talk to or see me right now. I'll accept that and not push anymore. I guess I was just hoping you would tell me that we're o.k., and that whatever is happening here is temporary. I don't want to lose us, Logan._

_I'll be home next month. Maybe we can reconnect and start fresh then._

_Until then, I miss you._

_V"_

Veronica hit "send" and held her breath as she watched the progress bar show that the message was going, going ... gone. Would he respond to this? She didn't think so. He was so angry and ... hurt.

_But, why? He hadn't even acted quite this ... I don't know ... insanely jealous when we dated. I don't know what's going on with him._

She kept hearing Wallace and Mac teasing her about being in a dating relationship with Logan. She could see how they might get that mistaken impression. Wallace wouldn't have cared about seeing her with Agent Wentz on the beach. But, then again, she and Wallace had never dated, or had other-than-friendly feelings for each other. That's the difference.

"Honey, are you ready to go?" Her Dad poked his head into her room and gestured toward the door. "We should probably get going if we wanna beat traffic."

A knock at the front door interrupted Veronica's answer.

"I'll get it," Keith said. "Just finish up and we'll head out in five."

Veronica could hear muffled voices in the living room. She had said her "good-byes" to Mac and Wallace that morning so she knew the visitor wasn't for her. Gathering her bags and making her way toward the hallway, she saw Logan walking toward her room.

"Veronica," her Dad called out as he followed him. "Logan asked to drive you to the airport. Are you o.k. with that?" He looked at her over Logan's shoulder, gauging whether he needed to go into "protective Daddy" mode.

"Hey," she said softly. Veronica had been staring at Logan, but shifted her gaze to her Dad. "Are _you_ o.k. with that, Dad?"

"Well, normally I wouldn't pass on the "Daddy-Daughter" time, but Logan here looks like he could use a friend right now. So, I'll share, just this once." He smiled and walked back toward the living room, leaving Logan and Veronica alone.

Logan shoved his hands in his pockets and stared at the floor. "Well," Veronica said. "I guess we better get going. I can't miss my flight."

Logan nodded and reached for her bags.

"Bye, Dad. I'll see you in four, short weeks," she said playfully as she hugged him.

"Yes, you will. But, that doesn't mean I don't expect our regular phone calls, beginning tonight."

She laughed and nodded.

"And, Logan." Keith put his hand on Logan's shoulder. "Be safe, obey speed limit signs and make sure she makes that flight."

Logan nodded with a smile. "Will do."

Veronica and Logan walked in silence to his SUV. He pulled out of the parking lot and still didn't speak.

"So, why are you here?" Veronica asked with an irritated tone. "You obviously don't want to be doing this, so why are you?"

Logan looked at her briefly and then pulled the car over into a gas station parking lot.

Veronica had been looking through her messenger bag and sat up suddenly. "Logan, what are you doing? I'll be late."

"No, you won't. I'll make sure of it." He put the vehicle in park and turned in his seat to look at her. "I'm sorry, Veronica."

She looked away to hide her shock. "Wow. I didn't see that coming."

"Look, I overreacted. I see that, o.k.?" She continued looking out her window, so Logan grabbed her hands and shook them lightly. "I know I was a real jerk yesterday. I wish I could take it back."

She gently pulled her hands out of his grasp and turned toward him.

"Fine. You're sorry. Let's go."

They stared at each other, neither moving or speaking. Logan looked down and sighed.

"You said in your email that you don't want to lose us; that I'm important to you." He ducked his head, trying to meet her eyes. "Did you mean that?"

She almost growled in frustration. "You know I did, Logan. But, that doesn't mean I can't be upset at the way you acted. You acted like a crazy, jealous boyfriend."

"You mean the way I acted that I just apologized for?" He smirked then, and she did her best not to smile at him.

"Yeah, that way. It's not o.k. to act like ..."

"Oh, o.k., like it's not o.k. to lie to each other?" She saw anger sparking in his eyes again.

"I explained that. I told you that ..."

"Yeah, and I'm choosing to forgive you for your 'slight misrepresentation' of your idol, or mentor or whatever. So, the way I see it, we should be even."

"You're unbelievable, you know that?" She smiled then. "What I did wasn't nearly as wrong as how you ... " She threw her hands up in mock frustration. "Oh, never mind."

"So, does this mean I'm forgiven?" He looked so innocent and sincere. She dropped her chin to her chest in contemplation.

"Yes, fine. You're forgiven." She reached over and punched him lightly on the arm. "But, don't let it happen again."

"Ouch." He smiled and restarted the Rover, pulling out into traffic. "Where's the love, Mars?"

"Yeah, yeah. Less talk, more driving, Echolls."

Veronica continued fishing in her messenger bag for her itinerary and wallet, when a thought hit her.

"Hey, how did you get to my place so fast after getting my email? There's no way you could've made it that fast."

He took a sudden interest in his side mirror as he mumbled something about a parking lot.

"What was that?" she asked, laughing lightly.

He exhaled deeply and glanced at her for a moment. "I was in your parking lot."

"What?" She laughed. "And, what was your big plan, Logan?"

"I didn't want you to leave without ... I didn't like the way things were, o.k.?"

She reached over to him and rubbed his arm softly. "Yeah, me either. So, you were hanging out at my apartment like a stalker?"

"No. I was just ... I don't know. I wanted to see you before you left. I was getting my courage up to come say, 'good-bye.' Then, I read your email on my phone, and ... "

She leaned back and closed her eyes. "We're quite a pair, aren't we?" She turned her head and smiled at him.

"Yes, we are; quite a pair." He took her hand and placed it on his thigh, holding it there for the rest of the drive.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"L,

Made it safely through the friendly skies. Thanks for the ride. And, for the apology. Wow - we really are mature now, aren't we?

V

P.S. I won't tell Dad about the land-speed record you set getting me to the airport."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"V,

Good. Don't tell. I want to stay in Papa Mars' good graces. It's a new experience for me, you know.

So, how's _Howie_? Give him my regards.

Miss you.

L

P.S. Work on that professionalism thing - I'm not sure you two grasped it here. Just kidding. Maybe.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"L,

Glad to see we can joke about how ridiculously jealous you acted. I wasn't sure you had evolved that much.

Oh, you so don't want to get on the wrong side of Howie. Trust me. He sees into your soul. And, in your case, that would be a very dark and scary journey.

Miss you, too.

V

P.S. Professional? Says the guy who wears a wetsuit for a living."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"V,

Jealous? Doesn't even scratch the surface. Let's not test me anymore on that, o.k.?

Well, I'm not as enamored with your idol as you are. So, not so worried about him seeing into my soul. Besides, I'm an open book. Actually, more like four or five. I think another unauthorized Echolls biography came out last month. I'm sure you can find it wherever fine fiction is sold.

Miss you.

Love,

L

P.S. Let's change things up. One question. You have to answer.

Veronica re-read Logan's last email several times. She saw something new - some new emotion, revelation or expression - each time she read it. Had he really acknowledged that he was jealous? Did he really mean to sign off with "love?" No. He probably meant friendship love. Yeah, just like the way she loves Wallace or Mac; that kind of love. But, even to her, these rationalizations were beginning to sound weak.

_What is going with us? We can't do this again. Being friends, just friends, is best._

The fluttering in her stomach, however, threatened that conclusion.

His email had taken over her entire evening. She analyzed every word, punctuation mark and paragraph spacing. It baffled her. And, what is this question thing?

Veronica finally took a deep breath and hit "reply."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"L,_

_O.k., I'll bite. What is the question?_

_Oh, and you have to answer mine. I'll go first._

_Why did you wait so long to tell me what was going on with The Green Room?_

_V_

_P.S. I'll be home in two weeks."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"V,_

_O.k., ladies first. Here goes ..._

_There was no big mystery for you to solve, Veronica. I guess I just wanted to be sure I could really do it, you know, before anyone found about it. Especially, before you found out. You're really the only one who has any real expectations of me. Your opinion matters._

_I just wanted to do something that was on some level decent without talking about it. Aaron never did anything remotely altruistic unless the cameras were flashing._

_I know, I know ... I can hear you saying that I'm not like him. But, sometimes, when the demons come out, I need something real, something tangible, to prove it._

_I also finally realized that I wasn't hurting him by refusing to find something I want to do with my life. So, I decided to do what you do. You became Veronica, Purveyor of Justice, when your life went to hell. I became a jackass cliche. Your coping mechanism works for you. Mine didn't really anymore. But, maybe, just maybe, this will be it for me._

_My turn._

_This will be hard. But, I need you to try._

_Why is the Madison thing still so painful? Do you think you'll ever forgive me?_

_Love,_

_L_

_P.S. I know that's two questions, but humor me. It's important."_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica slammed her laptop shut after reading Logan's email.

_He's __changing __things. __Why __is __he __doing __this?_ She shot out of her chair and began pacing. _I __can't __handle __this __right __now._

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Mars. Mars. Veronica!" Wentz leaned over the table in front of her, practically yelling to get her attention.

"Geez, Howie!" She put her head in her hands and sighed loudly. "I'm sorry. I'm listening."

"Yeah, I can see that." He sat on the edge of the table and took his glasses off. "You realize that we have five days to complete the analysis for all of these cases? Remember, the project you begged me to let you help with?" He picked up a stack of folders and dropped them on the table next to her.

"I know. I'll finish it. I just ... can I talk to you, about something personal?" Veronica nibbled on her bottom lip and leaned back in her chair, looking at Agent Wentz.

"Hmm. I have a feeling I'm gonna regret this, but go ahead." He pulled a chair up to the table and sat down across from her.

"I have this friend." He smirked, but she continued with a stern look. "And, this _friend_ found a way to have a really good friendship with her ... ex. They've never had that before. They've pretty much either been mortal enemies or, well ... lovers." She shrugged and drummed her fingers on the table.

Wentz placed his hand on hers to stop her fidgeting. "And?" He asked patiently.

"It's just that what they have really works. It's so healthy; one of the healthiest relationships either of them has ever had. They've both had a lot of tough things happen in their lives, so this stability is very important ... to both of them. My friend used to ... well, she ..."

"Veronica, what's going on? Is this about you and Logan Echolls?"

She smiled shyly. "Yeah, I guess my code wasn't too covert, huh?"

Wentz smiled kindly and leaned back in his chair.

"O.k. Here's the deal. Life with Logan is all passion and pain. It's a roller coaster ride of highs and lows." She looked at him for understanding, and then exhaled deeply. "The thing is, I take a chance on him and he always lets me down. That's just the way it was. But now, it's different. We're so close. We rely on each other and come through for each other in ways we never did before."

"Well, that sounds like a positive thing, Mars. What's the problem?"

"The problem is that he kissed me, twice. And, I can't stop thinking about it. And, the things he's said lately ... I just get the feeling that maybe he ..."

"O.k., I see. So, what do _you_ want?"

She dropped her head onto the table and blew out another deep breath. "I don't know," she whined.

"Sure you do. I think that's why you're having this meltdown."

"Thanks a lot for your compassion," she said sarcastically as she lifted her head up. "I don't even know what he's really thinking, or what he wants in this."

"Well, judging by his reaction to you on the beach back in California, I would say he's a little further along in his introspection than you are."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You said he came to see you the next day and apologized, right?" he asked. She nodded, and he continued. "He'd obviously processed what happened and his response before he came to see you. He worked through his emotions and decided he would rather keep you in his life than lose you. He's way ahead of you." He smiled arrogantly.

"You're enjoying this?"

"No, I'm trying to help you. And, get you back to work so we can finish this." He pointed at the stack of files on the table. "Veronica, you've changed, right? You aren't the same girl you were when you two dated before?"

"No. I mean, yeah, I've changed."

"O.k. Isn't it possible that he's grown up, maybe learned a few things since you were together? Isn't it possible that he's changed, too, for the better?"

She looked at the white board behind him, going back over the past year. Images of Logan and their time together - their friendship dates, emails, her Christmas party and the mistletoe, their time in New York and New Year's Eve in Times Square - flashed before her like a slideshow.

"Yeah, I guess it is," she said with a distant, breathy voice. Her hand instinctively went to her locket. That happened a lot lately.

"O.k., then. I guess you just need to figure out what you want to do. Oh, and whether you're in love with him."

Her head snapped up suddenly. She looked at him with wide eyes.

He laughed gently. "Hmm ... I think I need to tell you a little story now."

She smiled indulgently. "Oh, c'mon ..."

"Just listen and learn, Mars. O.k., so there was this guy. He was, oddly enough, a lot like you were when you came here last year." He smirked at her and she rolled her eyes dramatically.

"He only knew two speeds - fast and faster. He was always the best and the brightest. His first few years after college were spent as a special forces officer in the Army and then, he went to law school and joined the FBI. He worked longer and harder than anyone around him. And, he claimed the toughest and worst cases; the ones no one else wanted. Somewhere in the middle of all that, he met a girl. She was ..." Wentz paused and looked away. "She was everything he always wanted. They got married, and he was happy. He kept working like a mad man, but he was happy. How could he not be? He was doing everything he wanted - becoming a famed, super agent - and then coming home to an adoring wife. It was working out great for him. But, not so great for her. After two years of warnings, pleadings and outcries, she had had enough. She left."

Veronica stood up and sat on the table between them. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

He looked up at her. "Yeah, not something I tend to share with the interns."

They smiled at each other briefly. He stood up and walked around the front of the room as he continued.

"It hurt him - _me_ - a lot. And, it made me evaluate what I was doing with my life. At first, I just went crazy. I became even more driven. I kept a cot and sleeping bag at the office, and sometimes didn't even go home. On some level, I thought I could make it right, or at least make it worth it, if I solved enough cases, righted enough wrongs and became the best."

Veronica nodded. She knew what that kind of drive and obsession was like.

"Then, a friend of mine, a Soldier I served with, was killed in Afghanistan. He had listed me as the one he wanted to escort his body if something happened to him. I dropped everything and went. I had clarity like never before, and knew that doing that - being there - was more important than anything else in my life then."

"Of course," Veronica agreed.

"Yeah well, the FBI didn't agree. I came back a week later and they had taken my high-profile case, the one I had worked on for almost a year, and given it to a tool of an agent in my office."

She gasped. "I can't believe they would do that."

"Believe it. But, I don't blame them. They're all about results. Period." Veronica was shocked that he didn't seem bitter.

"That's why it matters so much what we pour our time, energy ... our lives, into, Veronica." He stopped in front of her. "We need to give those things ... to give our love to something, no someone, who can love us back."

Veronica was confused. Why was he telling her this now?

He smiled knowingly. "You're wondering why I'm just now telling you about this?"

She shook her head, laughing.

"If I had told you this story last summer, before you accepted that you were on the wrong track, you would've seen all these things as my issues and not yours. You needed to get there on your own."

"You don't know that," Veronica argued.

"I do," he said resolutely. "But, we're off topic." He started pacing again. "I realized, after losing my wife and then that case, that I had no idea what I wanted my life to look like anymore. I looked around at agents 15 to 20 years older than me and examined their lives. Most of them didn't have much of a life. And, those who did had made some tough choices along the way to make it happen. That's when I set out to change things."

Veronica held up her hands to stop him. "O.k., very impressive. But, what is it you're wanting me to learn here, Howie ... sorry, Agent Wentz? I mean, I've already come to the conclusion that I don't want to be an adrenaline junkie with no friends or family. I want a real life, a full life. I've made those adjustments."

"Have you?"

"Yeah. I have," she said with certainty.

"O.k. I don't believe you, but I'll pick that back up in a minute."

"You're maddening."

It was his turn to hold up a hand to silence her. "Anyway, back to what I was saying," he said dismissively. "I worked with a profiler on my next case, and was hooked. We became good friends. He helped me make the transition from agent to profiler. He also helped me get my life back. And then, I sought out my wife, determined to do whatever it took to get her back."

"Wow." Veronica interrupted.

He glanced at her and then continued. "But, she'd moved on. She remarried and had a child. I was ... well, I was devastated. I didn't want to, but I rebuilt my life without her. I learned how to be the best at what I did without sacrificing everything else in my life. I spent time with friends, family. I volunteered. I built a life."

She smiled warmly. "Yeah, you did. That's an amazing story. And then, you met Maggie."

"Well, actually, I had known Maggie for almost 15 years by the time we got married again."

"Whoa. What?"

He smiled, seeming to enjoy that he had continued to stay a few steps ahead of his protege. "Maggie was also my first wife."

Veronica's mouth hung open slightly, and Wentz laughed at her obvious shock. "You need to work on that poker face, Mars."

"Well, maybe you just need to be a little more forthcoming."

"Maggie and her second husband divorced after a few years, and I made it my mission to win her back. I guess what I'm trying to tell you is that it took me a long time to get my life on track; to really find the things that matter. People say that you can have everything, Veronica. I disagree. I think you can have anything, just not everything. I can have the love of my life, a beautiful family and a job I enjoy. I can't have that as a high-speed field agent. I just can't. Some guys can, and that's great. But guys like me ..." He stopped and smirked at Veronica. "And, girls like you, aren't wired that way. We need boundaries; clearly defined boundaries that allow us to set priorities. And, the people in our lives should always be at the top of that priority list."

She looked at him with a serious expression. "I appreciate you sharing this with me. I really do. I guess I just don't entirely understand how this affects my issues with Logan. I mean, I know what kind of life I want. I'm not still trying to figure that out."

He smiled arrogantly. "Oh, o.k. Then tell me, Mars, what kind of life do you want? What does your life look like in five years?"

She smirked back. "Hmmm ... let's see ... I will have a Master's degree in Criminal or Forensic Psychology. I'm still working that part out. I plan to have a very modest, yet very cool apartment and be a world renowned profiler and researcher. I will have traveled extensively, continued my photography ... oh, and, I will probably have _your_ job."

"Very funny, Veronica. But, you know what I find interesting?"

She shook her head.

"You didn't mention any people or relationships in your five-year vision."

Her breath caught in her throat and she realized he was right.

He continued. "Yeah, so maybe you haven't quite figured everything out yet, huh?"

She still just stared at him, unable to put her thoughts into words.

"Veronica, I have good life. I do. But, it didn't just _happen_. It took me a long time, and unfortunately, a lot of pain and heartbreak to figure it out. You once asked me why I left the field; why I got into profiling. The full answer is long, complicated and spanned more than a decade. The short answer is that I looked at my life, _really_ looked, and didn't like what I saw. Then, I looked at the future, and it looked no different. I had to make a decision then. So, I did. I chose to have a life. You wanna know how I know so much about driven, obsessed, vindictive, adrenaline junkies? Because I was one."

He looked at her solemnly and continued his story. "So, let me wrap this up for you. It took me ten years to get my life back. And, in the meantime, I had to watch the love of my life - the only woman I had ever truly loved - marry someone else and become the mother of his child. Let me tell you, there isn't a whole lot that's more painful than that."

That's what did it. Her heart stopped. And, out of nowhere, images of Logan with Kim, with Hannah, with Parker, with Caitlin, with Kendall and even with Lilly flooded her mind. "Oh, God ..."

_Is this why I've never been able to handle seeing him with anyone else?_

"Yeah. So, my question for you is this - who do you see when you picture your life, Veronica? And, I'm not talking about the safe one; the one you can live with. I mean, who is the one you can't live without?"

Her dreams. She remembered them vividly now. A life without Logan. Then, a life with Piz. Either way, it felt like no life at all. She was sure she was swaying back and forth, on the verge of falling over. Images, sounds and memories rushed her senses, enough to shut them down completely. And then, as if it hadn't come from her own mouth, she heard her voice utter, "Logan."

Agent Wentz smiled and walked around the table to her. He hugged her, and then held her in front of him, rubbing her arms lightly. "See there, that wasn't so hard." He squeezed her arms gently. "You see, Mars, if you were really cut out to be the stone-cold, workaholic agent, who has never found someone to share life with, you wouldn't have just pictured someone in your mind. The fact that you did should give you pause. There really are some decisions you can't get over. And, I would venture to say that losing the love of your life is definitely one of them. I learned that the hard way."

She nodded, still completely overwhelmed. _What's __happening?_

Then, suddenly the fear and uncertainty she felt was replaced with clarity and purpose, and for the first time in a very long time, peace. A small smile slowly appeared on her face. "Yeah. I ... I think I really get it. Thanks, Howie," she said softly.

"That's Agent Wentz, Mars. And, no problem. Now, back to work."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"L,_

_Wow, you really aimed for the fences, didn't you? You want to talk about Madison? In an email? I know we're all mature and responsible now, but I don't think I can answer these questions for you yet; not like this. Can we just say that I'm trying, and leave it at that? Give me a little more time, Logan. Please._

_Hey, that's progress, right? We do need to talk when I get back. Make time for me in your busy schedule, o.k.? _

_I really do miss you,_

_V_

_P.S. One last question - What do you see when you picture your life in five years?_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_"V,_

_I guess I would've been surprised if you had answered my questions. Someday._

_I'll have my people call your people for our "talk."_

_Even though you technically don't deserve it, I'll answer your question. What do I see when I picture my life in five years? Look at the back of your locket._

_Love,_

_L_

_P.S. You owe me now. I need a date for a fundraiser for The Green Room project. Next Saturday. 7 p.m. Formal. I'll pick you up. Say, 'Yes.'"_

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica smiled after rereading his email for the fourth or fifth time. She had lost count. _What __is __he __up __to?_

She gripped the locket in her hand. It was impossible to read the back without taking it off.

He had given her the locket eight months ago. _How __did __I __not __know __it __was __engraved?_

She struggled with the clasp and finally unhooked it, fingers shaking as she pulled it closer to her face to read the tiny words:

_"V,_

_Only you. Always._

_Love, L"_

She steadied herself with one hand on her bed and continued staring at the inscription.

_Oh, my God. It had been there all along._

The words on her locket brought back her recent conversation with Agent Wentz. He had forced her to see her life and relationship with Logan in a completely new way. Now, Logan was doing that, too.

Once again, she was overwhelmed. The dam broke and all the emotion she had held back for so long came flooding out.

She sobbed then - deep, guttural, heartfelt sobs. The kind she hadn't allowed herself to give into since ... well, really since Lilly died. She sobbed for her friend, whose choices led to her death. She sobbed for her first love, whose choices led to his banishment. She sobbed for her father, whose choices caused him to unfairly suffer the loss of his wife, dignity and livelihood. She sobbed for herself, for her choices and the choices of others that caused the loss of her innocence, trust and faith in people around her. She sobbed for the boy she had loved for so long that she didn't know what it was like not to love him. She sobbed for the choices that led to his pain, heartbreak, loss, beatings, betrayal, rejection and suffering that he endured in just two decades of living. And then, she sobbed for them; for the choices they had made and the time they had lost; for the pain they had caused each other and for the brutal truth that they'd almost lost each other ... forever.

The airport shuttle was most likely waiting for her outside her dorm. Not for the first time, Veronica was thankful that she had lived in a private room during her abbreviated internship. She fastened her necklace around her neck and splashed water on her face, trying to pull herself together. A long, cross-country flight would help her compose herself.

She sighed deeply, closed her laptop and gathered her things. It was time to go home.

- To be continued -


	7. Chapter 7  The Revelatory Road

_I continue to be so grateful for the readership, reviews, alerts and favoriting from all of you. Thank you so much for that, and for all the encouragement. And, I continue to be amazed by and grateful to **Steenbeans** for her support and super hero beta-ing!_

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter Seven - The Revelatory Road**_

"Veronica. Veronica!" Her father apparently had been trying to get her attention for a while.

"Oh, sorry, Dad." She shook her head slightly and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Still a little out of it. I think I'm not fully recovered from the trip."

Keith walked out of of his office and leaned on the wall next to Veronica's desk.

"Hmmm. You do look tired. Why don't you go home and get some rest. I'll pick up dinner and meet you there later, after my appointment." He turned back into his office, picking up a stack of photos and files from his desk.

Veronica smiled. "Appointment? Is that what we call our special stakeout times in front of the Camelot now?"

"Hey, it's not at the Camelot, thank you very much." Keith loaded up his briefcase and threw a sardonic glance her way. "Are you disparaging the professionalism of our noble vocation?"

"Never," she joked. "You want to call them 'appointments.' That works for me. Tomato, tomahto."

"Seriously, go home. Get some rest. That," he waved his hand toward the overflowing mound of paperwork on her desk. "can wait until tomorrow."

"Tempting, very tempting," she said over a yawn. "But, I need to stay and finish up these invoices." Her tone quickly turned playful. "Apparently they haven't been touched in eight weeks."

Keith kissed her forehead and walked toward the door. "Don't think your dedication isn't going unnoticed by the boss. I hear you're in the running for employee of the month." He looked more serious than his words indicated. She smiled and made a shooing gesture. Keith stopped halfway through the door. "But, seriously Veronica, go home. I'll meet you there in a few hours."

"Alright. Soon. Bye. Be careful."

Veronica had been back in Neptune for two days, but hadn't found her rhythm yet. Her emotions were still unsettled. Probably because she hadn't seen Logan yet; not for a lack of trying on her part, though.

_**Flashback**_

"Hey." Background noise threatened to drown out his voice, but she was pretty sure he had answered with "Hey, there."

"Veronica, you're back?" He sounded out of breath.

"Yeah, I just got in." She paused feeling a little nervous. "I was thinking I could come over later tonight. I really want ..."

"I can't tonight. I wanna see you. But, I ... I can't tonight."

"Oh, o.k. That's alright. Short notice and all."

"No, it's not that. We're just working around the clock to get everything ready ... wait, hold on ..."

Veronica heard him direct someone to the back of the store with a delivery.

"O.k., I'm back. Sorry about that. It's just ... I do want to see you. You know that, right?"

"Sure. Of course." She sounded disappointed, even to herself.

"We're still on for Saturday?" Apparently this fundraiser was an even bigger deal than she realized.

"Yeah. But, I was hoping I could see you before then."

"I know. Me, too."

Neither spoke for a few moments. It wasn't uncomfortable, but Veronica was glad that he was the first to break the silence. "I guess you finally saw the back of your locket."

"Yeah," she whispered. "I did."

"We need to talk."

She could tell he was smiling as he spoke.

"We do." She knew she sounded girly and breathless, but for once, she didn't care.

"I have an idea."

Veronica smiled. She'd grown to love his ideas.

_**End Flashback**_

The office phone rang shrilly, shaking her out of her thoughts of Logan.

"Mars Investigations," she said with her best quasi-professional voice.

"Hi, honey. Can you help me with something?" Keith sounded harried and definitely in need of her help.

"Sure, what do you need?"

"I need the schematic for the Haines warehouse and it's not in the file. Could you print another one and bring it to me? I can't leave."

"You know, Dad, we really need to get you into the digital age. If you would just go wireless with the rest of the population, I could send this to you ..."

"Yeah, yeah. Less talk, more action."

"Hold on." She mumbled about how fathers who need help really shouldn't snap at their daughters as she walked into his office.

Scrolling through his computer files, Veronica was just about to tell him she couldn't find the schematic when she saw something that caught her eye. She picked up the phone in his office.

"Uh, Dad, I'll keep looking and bring it to you when I find it. O.k.? Gotta go."

She didn't wait for him to respond before she hung up.

_What __is __going __on?_ Veronica had inadvertently opened a file in her father's "old cases" folder on his desktop. The file name was "Happening." There were surveillance and meeting notes and some photos, but one photo, in particular, was what caught her attention.

_It __was __you._ She sat down in her father's chair and stared at the photo of Logan and her on the beach; the photo that now she realized her father had left in her bag.

The next hour flew by as she pieced together her Dad's role in the photo mystery and possibly in the budding friendship and potential relationship between Logan and her. There were still some holes, but it appeared that Logan had come to him before he bought the surf shops. He wanted to be sure of the employees and owners before he invested.

_Smart. _Veronica wanted to be angry that Logan hadn't come to her, but he'd explained already that he hadn't wanted her to know until he was sure it would be a doable project for him. _I __guess __I __have __to __give __Logan __a __pass __for __that __one._

Then, periodically, her father looked in to the backgrounds of teens and parents, often uncovering abuse and neglect. He also made personal notations about changes he saw in Logan.

_Dec. 14 - He works through decisions now. Not as rash or volatile. He didn't go after Rob's Dad - came to me instead._

There weren't any notes about the photo he took of them on the beach that day, two years ago. But, there was a case notation at the bottom of the photo file. She cross-referenced it and found that he'd been doing surveillance at the beach that day. He must've seen them, and for some reason taken this photo.

_Why? And what has he been up to since?_

The outer door in the office opened and Veronica didn't move. She didn't close the computer or even try to cover her tracks. She just stared at the photo on the screen.

"O.k., I realize I'm not paying you that much, but seriously, I waited more than an hour and still ..." Keith walked into his office and his irritated tone changed suddenly when he saw her face. "Veronica? What's wrong?"

She looked up and slowly stood behind the desk. "I ... I don't even know where to begin."

"Hey, what happened?" Keith walked around the desk, but stopped abruptly. He reached out to her when he saw the photo on his screen.

"No, don't. Not yet, Dad." She stepped away and turned toward him with her fighting face on. "What's going on?"

"Let's sit down and talk. This isn't what it looks like."

"Well, that's a relief, because it looks like my father has been spying on me for months ... no, make that years." She was livid and knew her voice was too loud and her mannerisms too wild, but she just didn't care.

"No. No. That's not what this is." He pointed toward the outer office as he moved in that direction. "Please, Veronica, just hear me out."

She followed him into the main office and sat next to him on the couch. "Alright, I'm here. Now explain." Keith was the only person in her life who would receive this much tolerance after being caught in such a violation of her privacy. Had anyone else spied on her in this way ... well, she was pretty sure there wouldn't be anything left to sit next to at this point.

"Let's start with the photo."

"Yes, let's do that."

He frowned at her sarcasm, but continued. "It really was innocent." She scoffed, but he pressed on undeterred. "It _was_. I was working on that corporate espionage case out of San Diego. I ended up at Dog Beach that afternoon, testing my new lens, and saw you and Logan."

He paused and Veronica jumped in. "Yeah, well I could see you shooting a photo of your daughter and her boyfriend, but why all the subterfuge? Why not just give me the photo then, or at least tell me you saw us? Instead, you leave that photo in my bag, more than a year after it was taken, like some creepy stalker. Why would you do that?"

"Honestly, I don't know. When I saw you two that day, I felt like I was intruding. There was such an intimacy with you and Logan. I guess I just wasn't prepared to see that. It was unsettling and I just ... You had been through all the horror of ... well, you had had a tough summer. And, seeing how close you and Logan had become was a little hard for me."

She still looked angry and mildly confused, but nodded for him to continue.

"It broke my heart a little because ... well, there was something so intense between you two. Back then, I knew you couldn't handle it. You two broke up, for good that time. And then, you were with Piz. I actually never planned to do anything with the photo. I mostly forgot about it until about a week before I put it in your bag."

"O.k., let's deal with that then," Veronica asked pointedly. "Why anonymously put it in my bag? Why didn't you just give it to me?"

"This is where it gets complicated."

She rolled her eyes and huffed in frustration. "Yeah, I bet."

"I'm assuming you saw in the case file that Logan hired me to do some work for him."

She nodded.

"When I talked to you about regret before you left last summer, part of what I was thinking about was this photo. I was thinking about your Mom and well, I just didn't want you to ever be in the place she ended up, with so much regret."

"Dad." She was floored and having difficulty taking it all in. "I ... I can't believe you never told me any of this."

"You weren't ready to hear any of this yet, Veronica." He looked at her somberly. "But one day, I realized that you were. And, I knew that if he was the one - the way it looked to me in the photo - then you deserved to see that. You had worked so hard to change the course of your life. I just wanted you to see him and you, together like that, objectively. And then, you could make that decision for yourself."

Veronica leaned back against the couch and closed her eyes. Keith put his arm on the back of the couch and continued.

"So, I printed the photo and left it in your bag. I hoped it would take you on a journey to find what you really wanted."

"But, why leave this mystery for me to solve. Why not just tell me, Dad? Or show me the photo?"

"This was a mystery that only you could solve." He looked at her as if his logic should be blatantly obvious to her. "If I'd tried to tell you all of this, I don't think you could've heard me. Not then."

She was trying to understand why he did what he did and not feel manipulated, but ...

"Logan has been on somewhat of a journey, too, you know." Keith smiled gently.

She looked at him curiously.

"He came to see me last fall. He asked for my advice about some details for his new business, and I did some background checks for him. But, I think he really wanted to talk about you."

That caught her attention. She started to interrupt, but he continued.

"He apologized for not being what you needed in the past. He told me that you two were friends and really working on your friendship. I think he could tell I didn't really believe him, but he insisted that ..." Keith grasped her hands in his. "He told me how sorry he was for the things he put you through in high school, and for scaring you with the whole freaking out and breaking things in our living room."

She didn't mean to, but smiled at that memory. That incident actually seemed like a lifetime ago.

"The thing is, Veronica, I eventually did believe him. He told me that he was determined to be the friend you deserved and hoped that I could feel comfortable with him in your life again." He shook his head and smiled at the memory. "It was definitely unexpected."

She nodded, rubbing her hands over her eyes, showing how emotionally and physically tired she was.

"I got to know him then, really know him. He's grown up a lot, honey. I guess I started seeing some of what you must've seen in him at times." His tone lightened. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I actually kinda like the kid now."

Laughing, Keith looked at Veronica again, but his smile faded when he saw that she wasn't enjoying his humor. He clicked into his summary mode.

"Look, there's no big conspiracy here. I found the photo again when I was clearing out some files and I realized that maybe you two really had something special. I also realized that maybe my lack of support hadn't helped. I don't think it was any secret that I hadn't been a fan while you were dating." He raised his eyebrows at her seeming to ask if she agreed.

Veronica rolled her eyes and nodded.

"You'd been working on so many things, and Logan had worked on himself, too. You both were just in such a better place. I guess I just wanted you to have a chance to think about what you would want if you could have a 'do over.' Does that make sense?"

"Dad, I don't see how ..."

"I wasn't gonna push you. I thought that if you saw what I saw in that photo, and if it matched what was happening between the two of you, well ... I didn't want you to have any regrets. And, I guess I just want you to know that whatever you decide, I only want you to be happy. I know you've had your issues, but ..." He got up, walked back into his office and picked up his laptop. He brought it back to Veronica and pointed at the screen. "You look happy, Veronica. You just look so happy."

She stared at the screen and didn't even notice her hand tracing the edge of the photo, down Logan's face.

"We were, Dad. We were really happy. But, I couldn't see it then. I was still so ..."

"You were healing. You were broken. It's o.k. to say it." He watched her fight the tears in her eyes, but kept talking. "You're the strongest person I know, Veronica. I think you've always been. And, that used to scare me a little."

She looked up at him then and smiled. "A little?"

"O.k., a lot." He laughed and set the computer down on the coffee table. "I've never been prouder of you, though, than I've been watching you grow through that hurt, brokenness and pain to find your way to where you are now."

"Dad." She stood up and hugged him. "I love you, you know."

"Yeah, I do."

"I'm not saying that I'm 100 percent o.k. with how you went about this, but I trust your heart. So, next time, and I really hope there isn't a next time, just give me the freaking photo. You've driven me crazy for months with this mystery."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

_Too flashy. Not flashy enough. To trashy. Not ... oh, good Lord. Why is the perfect dress so hard to find?_

_Probably because you waited until the day before you need it. It's official. I've lost my mind. I'm now talking myself and answering my own questions._

_It __has __to __be __spectacular._ She'd told Logan that her dress was "spectacular." That's all she would tell him during their latest fireside chat, as he had called them this week. That was his idea of how they could spend time together - special phone conversations each night.

She loved their talks, but she'd be lying if she said she hadn't been disappointed that he hadn't made more of an effort to see her. She knew he was busy, but ... well, even more reason to blow his mind tomorrow with an amazing dress.

She flipped through another rack of dresses, prepared to turn them all down until she spotted ... the one.

Finding a formal gown that was appropriate for an evening event at the beach was much more difficult than she imagined. But, this ... this might just be it.

It was strapless and very short. Much shorter than she would normally go for, but this was a special event. The bodice was a little deeper than mint green and had a metallic copper cummerbund that she knew would draw the eye to her tiny waist. From the cummerbund to the hem, a light overlay with gold and copper designs completed the color palette. It was unexpected and exquisite. Veronica cringed as she picked up the price tag.

_No price. Not a good sign._

She found a salesclerk who happily told her that the dress was $450. Veronica's heart sank. "Oh, but all of our dresses are 40 percent off this weekend, so you're in luck."

She wanted to do a cartwheel, but opted for a demure, "That's great. Thank you" instead. Clutching the dress to her chest, Veronica almost skipped to the dressing room.

_It's __perfect._ The skirt portion had just a little flounce to it, and with the color combination, it seemed appropriately "beachy." The bodice, however, was skin tight. That coupled with the fact that it hit her about mid-thigh made this dress ultra sexy. She loved it. Logan would love it.

Strappy metallic heels and an elegant clutch rounded out her purchases, and Veronica headed home, mentally listing all the ways she would cut corners in the coming months to pay for the ensemble.

Logan had told her he wouldn't be able to call Friday night, so she decided to have an uncharacteristically long, girly night. She loved a little pampering every now and then, but three hours of bubble bathing, nail buffing and polishing, eyebrow shaping and skin exfoliating left her feeling overly decadent and completely exhausted.

She was just drifting off to sleep when she heard her phone chirp with a text message.

_"I've missed you even more than I'd miss the ocean. Tomorrow can't come fast enough. 'Night, Ronnie. Love, L"_

Veronica smiled sleepily and curled back into her bed, already dreaming of seeing him the next day. Her last conscious thoughts were of mint green dresses, crashing waves, sultry kisses and the man she could now see she loved. _I'm __such __a __girl_, she joked as she slipped into sleepy oblivion.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Wow. Honey, you look stunning," Keith whistled to emphasize his point.

She twirled around dramatically. "Thank you, thank you. I'd like to thank all the little people who made this night possible."

"Uh, Veronica, you do realize that you saying 'little people' is the height of irony?"

"I'm in such a good mood that not even short jokes will get to me, Pops."

Veronica checked the clock - 6:55. Looking in the bathroom mirror one more time, she dabbed on a bit more gloss and smoothed a few flyaway hairs from the tendrils and her loose, "formal ponytail," as she called it.

A sharp knock on the door pulled her away from the mirror. _O.k.,__Veronica,__showtime._

She walked into the living room expecting to see Logan talking with her Dad. Instead, she saw her father talking to ... not Logan.

"Uh, who is this?" She stared in confusion at the tuxedo-clad man.

"Veronica, this is George, your driver." Keith smirked, enjoying her discomfort and confusion a bit more than she thought he should've been.

She noticed the driving cap tucked under George's arm. "I'm sorry, who are you? Where's Logan?"

"Mr. Echolls asked me to escort you to the fundraiser, Miss Mars."

She smiled and shrugged at her Dad. "He always was a little over-the-top. O.k., George, let's get going before Cinderella turns into a pumpkin."

She tried to calm herself during the short drive to the surf shop. _I __would've __fought __this __and __hated __it __a __year __or __so __ago._ But now, she just wanted to enjoy the romance of being whisked away by limousine to meet him at the beach. It was whimsical and fun. O.k., and a little decadent and frivolous.

_But, __I'm __just __gonna __go __with __it. __As __long __as __he __doesn't __make __a __habit __of __this_, she laughed to herself.

Veronica's mouth fell open as they drove into The Green Room parking lot. The beach was lit up with more twinkle lights than she'd ever seen - even at Christmas. There were rows and rows of canopies and cabanas. The beach in front of the surf shop was completely transformed. It was magical, beautiful and more romantic than anything she'd ever seen. Logan had really outdone himself.

Her door opened suddenly and George extended his hand, helping her exit the limo. "Welcome to 'An Enchanted Evening,' Miss Mars."

"Thank you, George, for everything," she answered breathlessly. "Where's Logan?"

"He asked that you walk toward the water. He'll find you."

She smirked at him, mulling over his mysterious instructions. She shook her head as she walked toward the beach. _What __are __you __up __to, __Logan?_ Veronica smiled and slipped off her heels as she hit the sand.

"Walk toward the water, huh?" she said under her breath as she navigated through a sea of party-goers.

Distant lights in the ocean caught her attention, enthralling her. She couldn't help herself at that point and kept walking toward the edge of the water. The combination of waves crashing and bright lights bobbing mesmerized her.

"How did he do that?" she asked out loud, stopping at the water's edge.

"Magic."

She knew that sultry voice anywhere. _Logan._

"Magic, huh?" she asked as she slowly turned toward him. Her breath caught in her throat when she saw him. His white tuxedo coat was slung over his shoulder and he was barefoot with his black pants rolled up. _Man, __he __looks __good._

"Veronica." His voice was rough and full of emotion. She almost couldn't hear it over the ocean and party noise. "You're just ... you're absolutely stunning."

"You're not so shabby yourself." She smiled and took a step toward him. "Nice little party you're throwing here."

He laughed and closed the gap between them. "Well, you know us Echolls. We only do small, understated affairs."

He grabbed her and wrapped her into a tight embrace. "God, I've missed you."

"Yeah, me, too," she whispered into his chest.

He pulled back and brushed his hands over her face and then her bare shoulders, sending goose bumps all over her exposed skin. "You really are so incredibly beautiful. You take my breath away." His words were spoken with such reverence. She wanted to hold him again and never let go.

Veronica had no idea how long they stood like that - staring and smiling at each other. Someone cleared his throat behind them, finally shaking them out of their trance.

"Mr. Echolls, we're ready for you," the throat-clearer said politely.

"I'll be right there." Logan hadn't taken his eyes off Veronica. He grabbed her hand and only then, looked toward the canopies and cabanas, preparing himself for his duties as host.

"You ready?" he asked gently.

"Yeah," she whispered. "I really am."

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Later that night, Veronica walked along the water's edge. The event had been a huge success and was winding down. She'd watched Logan work the crowd and mingle with society elites and potential donors from Neptune, Los Angeles, San Diego and elsewhere. Knowing him as she did, she knew he hated that part of his new venture. But, there was no denying that he was a natural.

"There you are." She turned to see him walking toward her sans-coat and tie. "What're you doing out here?"

"I needed some more air," she explained with a smile. "It was just a little ... I don't know ... surreal up there."

"I know what you mean," he said with a smile. "I still have trouble believing all ... this ..." He pointed back to the party.

She matched his smile and hugged him lightly. "You did it. You really did it."

"Did what?"

"You found a way to have the starring role in your own life, Logan."

He put his arm loosely around her shoulders, kissed the top of her head and led her up the beach. "I never looked at it that way, Ronnie."

They walked in silence for a few moments.

"So, how did The Green Room do tonight?" She smiled at him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

He laughed. "Apparently, we raked it in. Official numbers won't be in until Monday, but the board CFO told me that we may have raised enough to make it fully capable of standing on its own for the next three years, which will make my personal accountant very happy." He leaned into her and smiled.

She stopped and turned toward him. "Logan, that's incredible. You should be so proud of yourself for this. Really."

He looked down and then rubbed his hand over the back of his neck. "Thanks. I'm pretty blown away. Until tonight, I still kept thinking that this very likely would all fall apart and not really be able to make it. But, I think we're gonna do it."

"Yeah, you're gonna make it. She put her hands on his forearms and squeezed lightly. "I'm so proud of you."

He smiled shyly and put his arm around her again. "C'mon. Our night's not over yet."

They walked a few more feet and Veronica gasped. A large blanket was laid out on the sand. A network of trellises covered in white, twinkle lights wrapped around the blanket. Oversized, satin throw pillows were thrown all over and a large picnic basket and ice bucket, with what she supposed was champagne, were nestled in between the fluffy cushions.

"Logan." She looked up at him, smiling hugely. "This is amazing."

He sat down on the blanket, dragging her down to sit next to him.

"So, tell me." He leaned back on the pillows and held her hand in his. "Was this worth the wait?"

"What do you mean?"

He just smiled.

"Wait a minute. Do you mean you avoided me on purpose?" Veronica leaned over and punched him lightly on the arm. "Why would you do that?"

He laughed then. "Hey, enough with the violence." She tried to reach him again, but he grabbed her small hands and pulled her against his chest. "O.k., so I wanted a dramatic reunion. Don't you think we deserved this?"

"I can't believe you. I feel manipulated, duped, misled ..." She jokingly counted off all the descriptive terms she could think of.

"Trust me, if it'd been one more day, I wouldn't have held out. But, I just wanted you and us to have a special evening." He kissed her hand tenderly. "I thought the suspense and drama would make it better. We deserved that, Veronica."

She shook her head, but couldn't hold back her smile. "I guess we did."

They sat side-by-side, staring out at the sparkling, crashing water. The evening seemed to stand still for them as they talked, ate snacks from the picnic basket and sipped champagne. They'd just snuggled back into the pillows when a thought that had run through her mind for years slipped out.

"Do you ever think about how things used to be between us? You know, after Lilly died?" Veronica was surprised that she'd voiced her musings.

He smiled at her knowingly and nodded. "Yeah, I do."

"Me, too." They reached for each other at the same time, their hands clasping together.

"It used to be kinda fun."

She sat up to look at him. "Fun? Torturing me was fun, Logan?"

"No, not that part. Just that you always kept me on my toes. I never knew what would happen between us."

She agreed. Veronica couldn't see it at the time, but her war with Logan had given her something to hold on to during that tumultuous time.

"It was like the Cold War," he continued with a smirk. "Always having the Soviet Union to hate gave the U.S. purpose. I guess that was us a little bit, wasn't it?" He brushed a tendril off of her face as he spoke tenderly.

"Hmmm." She leaned into his touch and closed her eyes. "Good to know that public education didn't fail you in the History department."

"It's funny," he said as he leaned into her. "If you'd told me that you would mellow out like this a few years ago I might've been a little sad." She looked incredulous. "No, I would've. I mean, you were Veronica Mars, warrior princess."

"I still _am _Veronica Mars, warrior princess." She smirked at him.

"You know what I mean." He laughed. "You were all sharp edges and attitude." He dodged a small hand trying to smack his arm. "I think I would've been afraid that you would go back to the cotton candy pink fluff of a girl you were before Lilly died. That just wouldn't suit you anymore."

She nodded, agreeing with him.

"But, this." He paused, collecting his thoughts. "I couldn't have pictured how you could merge the very best of both people into this ..." He waved his hands in her direction appreciatively. "This amazing package. You're still a warrior, Veronica, but you're not fighting the whole world anymore. It's like you've stopped fighting all of us, and let some of us ... let _me_ ... in." He looked away as his voice filled with emotion.

"Logan."

He turned slowly back and reached for her again, holding her close to his chest.

"I guess that's why I couldn't understand how you could still doubt that you meant everything to me and that ... she ... meant absolutely nothing."

_Oh, __God._ The conversation she'd been dreading.

"I want to avoid it, too," he spoke softly, seeming to read her mind. "But, what has that done for us except keep us broken and apart?"

"We're closer than ever, Log ..."

"Yeah, we've worked through a lot and figured out the friends thing, but don't you want more now?" He pulled away slightly to look in her eyes. "I want more."

She looked down at one of the pillows and fidgeted with the fringe. "I don't know if I can do this."

They were both quiet and still for a moment. Suddenly, she stood up.

"No, wait." He reached for her. "Don't go. We don't have to ..."

She stood frozen, looking into his eyes. Then, hers closed tightly. She flashed back to her last conversation with Wentz. He'd encouraged her to face her fears with Logan; to not run away from what she felt for him. _Stop __pushing, __Howie._

Veronica breathed deeply, opened her eyes and sat back down next to Logan.

"Wow. All this." She waved her arm around indicating the party set up on the beach. "Just to get me to talk about my feelings."

He pulled her closer, back into his arms. "Not just for that," he whispered with a small smile. "But, if that's a byproduct, then I'd consider the night a success."

She laughed and placed her hand on the side of his face. "How can you still be like this?"

He kissed her palm. "Like what?"

"Like ... this." She pointed nervously at him. "Like ... that. So ... o.k. with ..."

"With how I feel about you? About us?"

She looked down and nibbled on her lip. "Yeah ... I guess ... with all that."

Logan kissed her temple softly. "I guess that's because ..."

"Dude, best. party. ever."

Dick Casablancas. _Mood, __effectively __ruined_.

Logan closed his eyes, as his head fell slightly. "Glad you enjoyed it, Dick. Now, move along."

Dick stumbled onto their blanket and fell down at their feet. He looked around at the romantic setting. "Whoa, nice seduction scene." He grinned appreciatively at Veronica.

She stared at him in stunned silence.

"Sorry, sorry, we're here." Mac and Wallace ran toward them, waving their arms.

Veronica looked at her friends in complete confusion. "What ... what's going on? Have you guys been here the whole night?"

Mac looked at Logan apologetically. "We just took our eyes off of him for one minute. I swear, he's like a toddler." She paused and looked at Dick. "A drunk, useless, girl-crazy toddler, but a toddler nonetheless."

Logan shook his head and ran his hands through his hair. "Dick ..."

"Mr. Echolls, there you are." Mr. Polite Throat-Clearer walked quickly toward them. "The Finnegans and ... oh, I didn't know ... I'm sorry for the interruption."

"No, it's o.k.," Logan spoke with thinly-veiled frustration. "There's nothing to interrupt ... now." He looked pointedly at Dick.

"I'll be right back." He smiled at Veronica. "Will you be alright here?" He looked again at Dick and then at Mac and Wallace.

"She'll be fine," Wallace said as he took Logan's spot on the blanket and began fumbling through the picnic basket.

"Yeah, I'm good. Go conclude your hostly duties." She squeezed his hand as they broke apart.

Logan reluctantly walked toward the dwindling party-goers, cabanas and canopies. He looked back longingly at Veronica, but kept walking.

She smiled as he disappeared up the beach. Her smile faded as she gazed at her friends ... and Dick. "O.k., kiddies, spill it. What's going on?"

"Nothing nefarious, Bond," Mac joked as she joined the trio on the blanket. "Logan asked us ..." she pointed at herself and Wallace. "To come and keep an eye on young Richard here. Apparently, he has a track record with this type of event."

Dick laughed. Wallace and Mac rolled their eyes, but chuckled lightly at the drunk blonde laying haphazardly at the end of the blanket.

Veronica huffed slightly and looked between them. Wallace, her best friend, who'd stood with her through some of the darkest points of her adolescence. Mac, her ally and closest girlfriend, who helped her find her way, embracing a new normal in her completely not normal teenage life. And, Dick, the bane of her existence, who now represented the very worst of her life confronted with something almost like redemption. How could that be? How could she be over what he'd done? How could she not be brimming with anger at his very presence? She couldn't answer any of those questions. Veronica just knew that she felt ... free. Free from the anger, bitterness and hatred that had bound her up all these years. Dick was the face of evil and now, looking at his goofy, intoxicated expression, she realized that she just didn't hate him anymore.

She cocked her head to the side and laughed. "Unbelievable."

"What?" Mac and Wallace asked in unison.

"I don't hate ..." She pointed at Dick. "Him. Anymore."

Mac leaned toward Veronica and sniffed a little. "I don't smell alcohol."

"What's going on with you, V." Wallace looked concerned. "You o.k.?"

"I'm fine. Really. Actually, I'm better than fine."

Wallace and Mac exchanged one of their trademark conspiratorial smiles she'd grown used to over the past year. "Better than fine?" Mac smiled and nodded her head.

"What?" Veronica asked innocently.

"So, does this mean that you and Logan have finally stopped being _friends?_"

She glared at them, snapping at Wallace. "No, we have not stopped being _friends_. We'll always be _friends_. My status with _you_, however, is definitely in question."

"Hey, no need to be like that," he joked. "I'm happy for you, really. And, I believe I speak for all of us when I say, it's about time."

"Dude, totally." The three sober friends looked at Dick in shock.

"Ignore him," Mac whispered. "We really are happy for you two. You belong together. You can admit that now, right? Do you finally see how great you are together?"

"Yeah," she said breathlessly. Veronica's thoughts went to Logan ... again. That happened a lot. He was pretty amazing. He'd grown into a pretty amazing guy. O.k., he'd always been, but now ... now ...

"Hello? Earth to Mars?" Mac poked her arm.

"Ah, that one really does never get old."

"Yeah, well, we lost you for a minute. I asked if you two are an item now?"

"Uh, let's not get ahead of ourselves. We, haven't ... um ..." Veronica shook her head and laughed again. "Never mind." She looked at them mischievously and pointed at Dick. "He's almost passed out. What should we do to him?"

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

Veronica stretched lazily against the bed of pillows she constructed on the beach blanket. _Did __I __fall __asleep? __I __think __I __fell __asleep._ She giggled.

"What's so funny?" Logan's soft voice surprised her.

"Hey, handsome." She held her hand out to him. "Where've you been?"

He sat down next to her smiling. "Well, apparently the schmoozing I did at the beginning of the evening was not sufficient." He leaned back next to her on the pillows, kissing her cheek softly. "Now this is nice."

She scooted closer to him, placing her head on his chest. "Mmm ... so nice."

"Did Mac and Wallace take care of Dick?"

"They took him back to the Grand a bit ago. He's pretty drunk."

Logan nodded.

"So, I was thinkin'." Veronica groaned at Logan's tone.

"No, no more thinking tonight," she whined.

"That's what I was thinking."

"What?" She laughed.

"I mean, I was just thinking that maybe we could table the discussion we were having until later, when you're ready."

Veronica squeezed him lightly. "Thanks." She leaned up on her elbow. "So, no more super serious discussions about our exes and our most intimate feelings?"

"Well, I know how you love to end an evening with a gut-wrenching exploration of our prior relationships."

"Hmmm ... since you gave up dating recently, we wouldn't really have as much to talk about, now would we?" Veronica winked at him.

"Good point. Although, I noticed you haven't exactly been tearing up the dating scene lately either. I kept trying to prepare myself for that. But, no Duncan 4.0 - or is it 5.0 now - appeared on the horizon." She shook her head, smiling indulgently as he continued. "Well, don't worry. I hear that working for the government can give you plenty of opportunities to meet someone dull and predictable enough to get you back into a shadow of your formal self." He paused dramatically. "If that's what you still want." His jabs about Duncan, and his belief that every guy she dated _not_ named Logan must be just another version of her first love, and therefore not suitable, didn't bother her as much anymore.

"Yeah, right. I'm not sure that any sane person ..." She gave a pointed look at Logan and continued. "Would want to get involved with _this_." She pointed both thumbs back toward herself dramatically.

"Oh, c'mon, Mars, you know you're always the most enchanting, most desirable and unfortunately, the most damaged girl in the room." He nudged her and waggled his eyebrows after his last statement. "That just makes you that much more appealing, by the way."

She questioned again whether Logan and Agent Wentz might actually be the same person. Howie had said the same thing in his initial profiling exhibition with her.

"Nice, Echolls. But, how about you just save the flattery for the few remaining females in the county you haven't defiled yet."

"Ouch. Nice deflection. But seriously, you aren't honestly questioning your own powers of attraction? You're Veronica Mars, the girl everyone either adores or, well ... hates. Either way, _everyone_ is attracted to you."

Veronica shook her head and refused to take the bait.

"You elicit strong feelings, that's for sure. There's no ambivalence when it comes to Veronica Mars."

She kept her gaze on the distant horizon and the beauty of the dancing lights over the ocean. It really was mesmerizing. Maybe that's what gave her the courage to ask something she'd always wanted to know.

"If I'm so appealing, Logan, why didn't you ever chase after me?"

He looked at her with complete disbelief, and then laughed. "You've got to be kidding me. I've been chasing you since high school; probably even before then, if I'm being completely honest. Sometimes I feel like all I've ever done, or all I ever do, is chase after you."

"No." She shook her head, but still wouldn't look at him.

"What? I ... don't know what you're saying." He sat up and stared down at her, obviously agitated.

"I said, 'No,' Logan. You've never. Well, maybe a few times in those early days during our junior year when we first got together. But, then, never again. I just wanted to know why. I mean, if we were the great romance you said we were, why did you never come after me and try to work things out?"

"When exactly have I not _come __after __you_?"

She put her finger on her chin and tapped out the list. "When I didn't show for our Catalina trip. When my Dad threw you out of the apartment after you went berserk and started breaking things." She breathed deeply. "After the bus crash, Logan. And then, when I came to you after Alterna-Prom and found you basking in the drunken after-glow with Kendall, only hours after you had declared that we were the epic love of legends, you didn't come after me. When ... " She had to stop to maintain her composure as she recalled the next time he hadn't come to her when she hoped he would. "When Mercer almost ..."

He started to speak, but she silenced him with a small hand and continued. "When I left you because my heart was broken over your ... interlude with Madison. And, every other time that we've fought or misunderstood each other and I sent you away or you left. You never came after me."

"That's complete crap, Veronica. I'm _always_ chasing after you, because you're _always_ running from me." She knew he was beyond angry now.

He stood up, paced in short lines and then stopped right in front of her. "I chased you to the Camelot Motel. Remember that? I chased you into the River Styx. I chased you up on the roof of the Grand. I chased you as you investigated all kinds of dangerous cases that you had no business poking into. I chased you as you slipped away from me and hit 'ignore' instead of taking my calls. I chased you into a prison cell to punish the guy I thought was my friend, but who hurt you. I chased you through a voicemail you never responded to, but was probably the most gut-wrenchingly raw I've ever been with anyone. And, as much as you say you hate it, I know that deep down you know that every mark I left on Piz and that Russian jerk was me chasing after you."

_Voicemail?_ She didn't know what he was talking about with that one, but she would come back to that.

She stood up now, too, and took a step toward him. "No, Logan, I'm not talking about protecting me or defending me. You're good at that. You _always_ defend the women in your life. I mean, chasing after me because you couldn't live without me; because you didn't want to lose me; because you would be willing to do _anything_ to keep me."

He shook his head and turned toward the ocean. "God, Veronica, think about my world; the world I came from. The greatest expression of ... well, _love,_ I could ever give is to do the things I've done for you. They're things I've never done for anyone else." He turned and looked into her eyes. "Anyone, Veronica."

She knew who he meant when he said that.

"Those things you described." He paused and an expression that reminded her of the Logan she dated in high school flashed across his face. "I did those things with Lilly, you know? I physically chased her like a puppy, but I never really caught her. And, it didn't ever matter to her. Ever."

"Logan, I didn't ..."

He held up a hand to stop her. "No, you need to hear this. You need to understand this. I chased her, but I never protected her. I didn't _save_ her, Veronica. And, I've realized in recent years that maybe I didn't really love her either; at least not the kind of love that would've lasted." He blew out a deep breath and continued with heavy overtones of self-depreciation. "We all know she didn't love _me_ that way."

Veronica sat back down abruptly. Her head was spinning. How could she not have seen this before? _Oh __God__...__Lynn._ He hadn't been able to save his mother either. She was suddenly overcome with the torment Logan must have endured over the last few years.

"I guess I always thought you knew; that you just knew." His voice was barely above a whisper.

She grabbed his hand and pulled him down beside her. "Knew what?"

His expression softened as turned and looked deeply into her eyes. "I thought you knew what I meant; what it meant that I would do anything - _anything_, Veronica - to save you and stand up for you. I thought you knew that no matter where you or I went, or what was going on in our lives, I was always there, always. I didn't have to chase you. In my mind, I was always beside you. Even when I was afraid you would never let me back into your life, I knew we would always be ... I don't know ..."

"Logan, I ..."

He interrupted her again seemingly without even hearing her speak at all. "I always promised myself that I wouldn't turn myself inside out for another girl like I had for her. I'd been so unguarded ... so vulnerable with her. And then, that tramp Caitlin cheated on me and made me feel like an idiot."

Veronica nodded in understanding and waited for him to continue.

"Right after that." Logan looked at her then. "You seemed to really care, you know?" He looked away again and Veronica knew the next part would be hard to hear.

"But, then you turned around and accused me of rape and then murder. You even turned me into Lamb. I guess I just kind of decided that approach wasn't working out so well for me." He looked back at her again and smiled gently. "I found the need to be a little more protective of myself. And, maybe even change my M.O. some after all that." He let go of her hand and looked forward, finding the same mesmerizing point on the horizon that she'd found earlier.

He started fidgeting and then tried to pull his sleeves down over his fingers. She recognized this classic Loganism as one he used when he was feeling insecure or unsure.

She smiled gently, wanting to comfort him. And then, it happened. The pieces started falling into place, even more so than after her revelatory conversation with Wentz. Veronica saw what her own wounds and self-protection had blinded her to all these years.

They'd loved each other fiercely - _really_ loved each other - the whole time. It had always been him. Always. And, she could finally see and believe that for him, it had always been her. They'd loved imperfectly and often, inadequately, but they _had_ loved, really loved. They'd loved the best that two broken kids from Neptune ever could. It might never work for anyone else on the planet. But maybe, just maybe, it really could work for them. _It __has __to._ A slight, hopeful smile appeared on her face.

She wanted to do something rash and emotional, but resisted. She didn't want this raw honesty to be wasted. If this could really work this time. No, if they could really work, things would have to be different.

Here goes nothin'. _Let's __see __how __smart __you __really __are, __Howie._

"Logan, I'm going home now," she said tentatively as she reached out to touch his arm. They seemed to understand each other better when they were physically touching.

The touch didn't stop him from whipping around to look at her incredulously, though. He looked at her as if she were speaking in a foreign language. "O.k., because right when I'm baring my soul you suddenly feel sleepy?" He sounded irritated.

"No. I'm going home because I don't trust my emotions right now. I need to really think about all this; about what you said. I never thought about things this way before." She grabbed his hand again with both of hers, silently pleading with him to understand. "I just didn't see it. All these years, I've thought and felt ... " She closed her eyes, shaking her head back and forth. "Logan, I let myself believe it wasn't really real."

He seemed to relax some and nodded for her to continue.

"We tend to jump into things physically and while ... " She suddenly felt unsure of what to say to him. "I guess I'm just afraid it would put us right back where we've been before."

"Veronica, I wasn't trying to ..."

"I know you weren't. But, what you said, it ... it makes sense to me, and I want to sort through it before ... "

She paused, trying to find the right words.

She tried to soften what she was saying with a laugh. "This may come as a shock to you, but I've always been a kind of 'fight or flight' kinda gal." That got a small laugh from him. "That may be my natural instinct, but I don't want to act naturally here."

"O.k." He smiled and nodded again. "We can go."

She could see that he still wasn't convinced. "I'm not running, Logan, and I don't want to fight. I want to figure us out. I want to do better."

Logan laughed fully then. "I'm sorry," he deadpanned and looked at her with his trademark, devilish smile. "But, who are you and what have you done with Veronica?"

They laughed together as he pulled her up. He dusted some sand off of her and turned toward the parking lot.

Logan put his arm around her and whispered in her ear. "C'mon, pod person, I'll take you home."

Veronica woke up the next morning feeling more rested than she expected. She smiled as she thought about the end of the evening.

_**Flashback**_

Logan walked her to her door and brushed his hands over her shoulders softly.

"So, classes start next week." He bobbed a bit on his toes.

"Yeah, Wednesday for me."

"I guess I'll see you at Mac and Parker's party Monday then."

"Yeah, I'll be there." She smiled and looked toward her door.

"O.k." He squeezed her shoulders and turned to walk away. Suddenly, he stopped and turned back toward her.

"The thing is, I want to see you. I mean, just you and me. You don't have to call it a date if you don't want to. But, I need to see you before we get all caught up in routines again."

She knew what he wasn't saying. _And, __we __still __have __a lot __to __talk __through __before __we __can __know __where __we __stand._

She nibbled on her bottom lip and smiled. "I think that can be arranged."

He smiled and his eyes sparkled. "Good. O.k, good." They stared at each other, both smiling. "Alright then. Goodnight, Veronica." He leaned in to place a chaste kiss on her cheek and then surprised her by placing his hands on her face and turning her into his kiss. It was gentle and fierce and tame and passionate and beautiful and comfortable, and yet completely overwhelming.

The kiss ended and Logan gathered her into his arms as they both struggled to catch their breath. He whispered into her ear. "I'm glad you're not running. And, I like this new approach. But, you have to know that I'm head-over-heels, crazy in love with you, Veronica Mars - new, healthy habits, as well as your crazy avoidance techniques, jealousy and risk-taking ways that drive me crazy; all of it. And if you run, I _will_ chase you." He leaned down and kissed her again softly. "So, don't over think things. We really aren't that hard to figure out."

_**End Flashback**_

Her cell phone jolted her out of her pleasant memories. "Good morning," she said with a sleepy drawl. "Sleep well?"

"Yeah, really well. How about you?"

"Mmmm ..."

"O.k., you're gonna need to stop that."

She laughed. "So, remind me again why I have to be up at ..." Veronica looked back at her alarm clock. "At 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning."

"Because we have plans. Get up. Get dressed. I'll pick you up in an hour."

"Yeah, you're lucky I'm still half asleep. I don't do the bossy thing well."

"I know, I know. I'll make it up to you. I'll bring coffee."

"So, where are we going?"

"It's a surprise. Let's just say that we have some unfinished business."

"Very cryptic. You know I love a mystery."

He laughed. "Oh, I definitely do. Now get ready. I'll see you soon. Bye."

Veronica climbed out of bed and walked toward the bathroom to get ready. Truth be told, she had an idea of what their day would be. Classes were starting this week and she was certain Logan wanted to finish this journey before they started a new one. Part of her wanted to jump back in bed and avoid the impending confrontations, but she knew that the life she wanted was within her grasp.

_No more running._

- To be continued -


	8. Chapter 8 The Right Road

_I'm incredibly sorry that it has taken me so long to get this next update out. I have plenty of excuses, but none that are worthy! Just know that I am so grateful for all of you who have waited, reviewed, favorited, alerted, messaged and encouraged me in my very long absence._

_A very heartfelt and special thank you to my beta and friend, **Steenbeans**, who provides a full-service beta service to include: encouraging me to finish even when I didn't think anyone would still want to read and lots of real life encouragement. You're the best!_

_So, without further ado, here is the final chapter in the story of Veronica's choices. There will be an epilogue (minus the more than four-month wait - I promise!) to show a further glimpse into her future after making all these choices._

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Chapter Eight - The Right Road**_

Veronica looked around nervously as Logan's voice grew louder and louder.

"I get that, Veronica. I really do. But, why do we have to act like it means everything?" he demanded with obvious frustration.

"How can you ask me that? You know what she did. And, you know what you did. But, even more than that, you know how much it hurt me. Why do you want to act like it means nothing, Logan?" Veronica screamed back at him. Her arms crossed in front of her and she walked away from him, hoping he wouldn't see the mistiness in her eyes.

They'd argued for the last 45 minutes. _And, the day had started so well._

_**Flashback**_

Veronica heard muffled voices coming from the living room. She hadn't heard Logan arrive, but wasn't surprised he was here early. He was more than a little excited about their day together. She'd wanted to say "no" when his text came in the night before. Classes were starting soon and she had so much to do. But, an entire day with just the two of them, especially after such a magical evening, had sounded heavenly. Getting only a few hours of sleep? Not so heavenly.

He wouldn't tell her what they were doing, but she was sure she could get it out of him before they even made it out of her parking lot.

She'd laughed when she saw the email he sent with a packing list. Seriously? What did he have planned? And, how had he gotten this together in the short time between him dropping her off the night before and this morning?

She finished getting ready and put the requested items in a small bag, heading to the living room where she heard Logan and her father laughing.

"Well, good luck with that, Logan." Keith said as he handed a mug of coffee to the younger man. He looked remarkably well-rested and ... eager.

"O.k., this is just ... weird," Veronica joked as she pointed between her father and Logan.

Both men just smiled and shrugged. Keith stood up and walked back into the kitchen.

"So, you've got everything? You're ready to go?" Logan asked her as he reached for her bag.

"Yeah, I think so. So, where exactly are we going?"

"You'll see. It's a surprise, remember?"

Veronica pointed at herself. "Do _you_ remember? Veronica Mars? Not so big on surprises."

"It'll be fine. I promise." He set his mug down on the bar and moved toward the door. "Thanks for the coffee, Mr. Mars. We'll be back this evening."

Keith smiled and leaned against the counter. "Yeah, not too late, o.k.?"

Logan nodded and held the door open for Veronica. "Bye, Dad." She kissed his cheek and whispered, "So, wanna spill the beans? Where are we going?"

Keith kissed her forehead and whispered back, "I don't know and even if I did ... I wouldn't tell you."

She frowned at him. "What happened to my fiercely overprotective Dad? I miss that guy."

He squeezed her shoulders and looked at Logan. "Same rules apply, Logan. No craziness. Home in one piece. No ..."

"Ah, there he is," Veronica interrupted. "We'll be fine, Dad. No worries."

Logan stopped for coffee, bagels and a mysterious looking box, and then continued on to their destination. Veronica used all her tried and true techniques to get him to tell her where they were going. He wouldn't budge. She finally figured it out as they approached the marina.

"Your boat," she said triumphantly. "I didn't know you still had it."

"Yeah, I don't think of it often." He looked at her and shrugged. "I probably should sell it. But, today, I'm glad I didn't."

They held hands and walked down the pier to the Echolls slip. "All aboard," Logan joked as he helped her step onto the deck.

"So skipper, where are we headed," Veronica asked with a smile.

"Catalina."

She quirked an eyebrow. "Catalina?" She remembered the date that never was; what should've been their first date all those years ago.

He fidgeted with a rope before he looked back at her. "I thought we might want to ... I don't know ... undo some bad memories. Maybe make some new ones to replace them." He smiled softly and looked up from the rope. "I thought we could start today."

She walked to him and clasped his hand in hers. "That sounds nice." Logan swallowed and leaned toward her. Veronica met him for sweet, gentle kiss with a vague hint of all that lay in store for them.

"We should go," he whispered against her lips.

She couldn't help a slight sense of apprehension that fluttered through her mind and then her stomach. _No, this is beautiful day. Everything will be fine._

_**End Flashback**_

But, that was more than two hours ago and everything was not fine now.

Veronica darted away from Logan before he could grab her arm. She slowed as she reached the boat railing. _Great. And yet another flaw with Logan's brilliant plan for the day. No escape. _

"Veronica." Logan's soft voice felt like the ocean breeze as she leaned over the railing, staring out over the water.

"I don't wanna fight," he continued, placing his arm around her waist. "But talking about this ... finally. We have to. You know that, right?"

She nodded woodenly, but still refused to look at him. "This is just ... hard."

He pulled her closer. "Yeah, it is."

They stood like that for a while, staring out at the ocean while Logan held her, rubbing small circles on her arms and soothing her with gentle kisses on the back of her head and neck.

She slowly turned in his arms and looked up at him. "The thing is, I know how to be your friend now. And I love that." She looked down again, gaining courage before meeting his gaze. "I'm just not sure how to do anything else. And, this full disclosure thing we've got goin' is way outside my comfort zone."

He nodded in understanding. "We've never really done that, have we? We'd fight, break up, get back together or stay apart, but never really deal with the 'why' behind everything. Trust me." He smiled and squeezed her lightly. "Not exactly what I want to do either."

She pulled away from him slightly. "What happened to the snarky, sarcastic guy who was always willing to indulge my neurotic need for avoidance? Where's he today? 'Cuz I'm thinkin' I might enjoy this boat ride with him a lot more than ..."

"He grew up, Veronica," Logan interrupted her gently, closing the gap between them again. "He grew up and realized that he couldn't ever really win the girl ... this girl ..." He touched her face gently. "If he didn't chase her until the day she stopped running. I'm hoping that's today."

"I think I like the snarking better," she mused, bringing her hand up to cover his on her face.

He laughed and pulled her close. "I promise to be just as sarcastic as I've always been as soon as we work this out. We can have our very own snark fest ... snacks, judging, instant replays ... the whole bit. Maybe I'll even let you win."

"Trust me, you've never had to let me win. It's the natural state of things." She sobered and looked up at him. "You're sure you don't want to try that out now."

He nodded slowly, but didn't give in to her baiting. _Apparently he really is determined to have this talk._

Her inner thoughts were confirmed when Logan launched immediately into the heart of the 'Madison' issue.

"What can I say, Veronica? What can I say or do to help you; to help you heal; to help this go away. What can I do?"

She turned back toward the railing. "That's what you asked then, you know. You asked what you could do, and all I could think of was that it was what you'd done that was the problem. There was nothing you could do to _undo_ it."

Logan stayed still, looking at her, but didn't speak.

"There are so many layers to the Madison thing for me," she continued. "In my mind, she represents all the ... ." Veronica paused, trying to mask her emotions. "After everything I faced after Lilly died and after ... after what happened at Shelly's."

She turned away and walked toward the other side of the boat. Logan followed.

"I was there, too. I was just as ..."

"No, Logan," she interrupted. "It's not the same. You've at least made some effort to apologize and reconcile with me. But Madison, she's been nothing but horrible to me. I don't know if I can ever really forgive her."

"O.k.," he soothed. "But, can you at least find some way to forgive me? To accept that we've both done things that we regret and maybe wouldn't do again? That we've ..."

"We?" she asked with obvious derision. "Are you equating something I've done with your tryst with Madison? Seriously?"

"That's not what I'm saying. I'm just ..."

"No, what are you saying? What have I done that was even remotely close to that?"

"Veronica, I don't ..."

"Answer me. I want to know, Logan. Because there is nothing I've ever done or ever will do that could come close to the pain you caused me by being with ..."

"Duncan," he said flatly, avoiding her eyes.

"What?"

"Duncan. You chose Duncan." He turned and walked away.

Veronica was stunned and riveted where she stood, staring at his retreating form. Duncan? That was another one of those taboo subjects for them. They never really talked about him. There didn't seem to be anything intentional in the fact that Duncan wasn't a conversation feature. He just never came up.

A flash of Logan's face the first time he saw her with Duncan Part II popped in her head briefly. More memories flashed through her mind; high school memories. _I thought all that was behind us._

"I thought all that was behind us, Logan," she yelled across the boat.

He paused and turned toward her. She watched him rub the back of his neck nervously and willed him to meet her eyes.

"Logan, I thought ..."

"Yeah, well, I guess not." The bitterness of his tone shocked her.

She walked toward him, shaking her head. "I don't understand."

"No, I don't suppose you do." He laughed under his breath. "You never really did."

She approached him cautiously, never breaking eye contact. "Logan." She spoke softly, placing her hand on his arm gently, trying not to startle him.

"You have to talk to me." The irony of that statement wasn't lost on her. Hadn't Logan always been the one wanting _her_ to talk to _him_?

He whipped around suddenly, facing her with a mixture of pain and anger flashing through his eyes. "Alright, Veronica. Let's talk ... about all of it. But, I won't be the only one sharing my deepest and darkest. Got it?"

She let the retort that formed on her tongue stay there and nodded her head silently. Questioning where her restraint had come from, she followed him toward the middle of the boat. Logan gestured toward the deck seating and they sat across from each other on the cushioned benches. The once calming sounds of the ocean now grated on her nerves as she waited for him to speak.

Logan stared out at the water again. The minutes seemed like hours to her until he spoke suddenly, still avoiding eye contact with her. "Look, I'm sorry I snapped at you. I don't want this to be a competition. I guess my point was that we've both hurt each other and that maybe we could just forgive and try to move on."

"You said Duncan ..."

"Yeah." He looked at her then and she saw it; the years of pain and self-doubt that he'd been carrying. _How could I not have seen this before?_

"Logan ... ." Words failed her. For what very well could've been the first time in her life, she really didn't know what to say.

"Just tell me this, Veronica." He lifted his head and his gaze locked with hers. "What would've happened between us if there'd been no baby; if he'd never left?" He paused, searching her face for something she couldn't determine, and then he continued, shifting his gaze to stare at the deck below his feet. "I mean ... it's not like it changes anything ... for _me_. I always accepted that he was, you know, the one ... for you." He looked up then, unshed tears glistening in his eyes. "Kinda like how you've always been the one for me."

She rubbed her locket gently between her fingers. That happened a lot lately. She knew he was baring his soul and being gut-level honest about his feelings for her. She rolled her shoulders slightly, sat up a bit straighter and made a decision that she knew could change not only her relationship with Logan, but the rest of her life, too.

"I loved him, Logan. I did." She watched his shoulders sag slightly as he nodded. "But, we never would've made it." He shook his head, preparing to argue with her. "No, it's true. We were already struggling, even before I found out about the baby."

She looked away and smiled wistfully. "Saying goodbye to him was so hard." Logan mumbled something under his breath, catching her attention.

"Please, just let me get this out," Veronica pleaded. He nodded, still fixing his gaze on his shoes. "It was difficult because I was closing the door on that part of my life; for good. And, he knows that now, too."

She thought back to their freshman year of college and a late-night phone call she hadn't seen coming.

_**Flashback**_

"Hello?" She answered gruffly, still half-asleep.

"Veronica."

She bolted up in her bed, instantly awake.

"Oh my God. What's wrong? Why are you calling? Is everything o.k.? Baby Lilly?"

She heard his muffled laughter. "Yes, we're both o.k. Everything's fine. I just missed you ... and I wanted to hear your voice."

"This is incredibly risky of you ... ." She trailed off, not wanting to use his name over the phone.

"Don't worry, I took precautions." He chuckled again. "I did learn from the best, you know."

"O.k., good, but it's still really dangerous. You shouldn't ..."

"Veronica, it's fine. I promise." His tone became serious. "I needed to talk with you. I guess I just needed to ask you ..."

She waited for him to finish. He didn't.

"Ask me what?"

"I know I don't really have a right to do this, but I just ... I miss you so much."

The fog cleared from her sleepy brain. She knew why he'd called.

He continued before she could stop him. "I keep thinking I'll stop missing you; that it will get better, but it never does. So, I guess I just wondered if maybe ..."

"Duncan, I miss you, too. I always will. But, we ... we can't be together like that. You know that."

"Yeah, I know. I guess I just had to hear you say it." The playful tone returned to his voice. "You can't blame a guy for trying, right? I mean, Veronica Mars is not someone who's easily forgotten."

They talked a few more minutes and wished each other well before Duncan became serious again.

"It's Logan, isn't it? You two ..."

She paused, not wanting to hurt the boy who'd once been her everything, but knew she had to do just that. "Yeah, it's Logan. But ..."

"I saw it back then, you know. I saw the way you both tried not to look at each other. And the sexual tension ... geez, that was ... well, that was not always easy for me. I guess I just assumed it was normal since you two had just broken up. But, I think I knew deep down that you two weren't finished."

She didn't know what to say. He was right. They hadn't been finished, but he didn't need to hear that now. "You will always be ... I will always care about you."

"Yeah, I know. But, just not the way I care about you; not the way you care about him."

"No, it's not like that. Even if we weren't together, you and I ... we just couldn't be that way again. We're not the same people anymore. You know that."

The silence was almost deafening.

"I'm so sorry, Duncan."

"I know. I made my bed and all that. I get that. And, when I look into my baby girl's eyes, I never doubt that. But, every now I then, I just wonder, 'what if,' you know?"

"Of course. We all do that. But the important thing is that despite those occasional wonderings, we keep making the right decisions. That's what you're doing and I'm so proud of you."

Duncan paused, took a deep breath and then spoke quickly. "Thanks, Veronica, for everything. I'll still always love you, you know. Goodbye."

She opened her mouth to respond, but the line was already dead.

_**End Flashback**_

Logan's voice broke through her memories.

"Veronica?"

"I'm sorry. What was that?"

"Never mind."

"No, what were ..."

"I just asked if you keep in touch with him; if you've heard from him."

She took a deep breath and tried to sound resolute. "No. And, yes."

He looked confused and shook his head, obviously annoyed. "Seriously? What are you saying?"

"No, I don't keep in touch with him. And yes, I did hear from him once."

He stood up to walk away, but she grabbed his arm, holding him in place. "Please, let me tell you."

He sat back down and she told him - everything. She told him about the phone call and how she chose not to tell him about it then, thinking it would only upset him. He scoffed at her, but she rolled her eyes and continued. She told him how she'd been able to say "goodbye" to Duncan, but had never been able to do that with him, regardless of all they'd been through.

"I guess what I see now is that I needed to be with Duncan again, if for no other reason than to finally have the closure we never had the first time. But, we also needed to get each other out of our systems." Logan blew out a deep breath and leaned back on the bench, lacing his fingers behind his head.

"Logan, if he'd been the one, great love of my life, could I have said 'goodbye' to him forever? Could I really have sent him away with no plan or promise to be together again? Could I have let him go?"

Logan remained quiet.

She placed her hand on his knee. "You're the only one ... " She broke off, took a deep breath and started again. "You're the only one I've never been able to let go."

Veronica stood up quickly and walked back to the railing, her need to flee almost overwhelming her. She leaned against it and stared out toward a tiny dot on the water that she assumed was another boat.

Her thoughts were jumbled and troubling. She never considered how much she'd hurt him by going back to Duncan after their short, troubled romance in high school. But, obviously, she really had hurt him, deeply.

A stubborn thought worked its way through the back of her mind, fighting for dominance. She fought it until she felt Logan's arms wrap around her waist from behind.

"I could never let you go either," he whispered tenderly. "I can never let you go, Veronica."

The nagging thought she was battling morphed into an accusation and exploded at the forefront of her mind, forcing her to acknowledge its presence. Going back to Duncan after she and Logan broke up before their senior year in high school had devastated him and played on his biggest doubts and insecurities. She knew that had caused him to doubt her feelings and commitment even today. She could no longer ignore the parallel between her thoughts and feelings about his tryst with Madison during their breakup and her own choice to be with Duncan during another breakup. Only, he regretted it, said it meant nothing and had absolutely nothing more to do with Madison. _I, however, dated Duncan and rubbed his face in it for months. Oh God._

She turned in his arms and looked up at him. "You're right."

A small smirk appeared on his face and he cocked his head to the side. "I'm sorry, could you repeat that? I need to record this for posterity."

"Don't ruin this, Logan. It might not happen again," she warned playfully.

Properly chastised, Logan cupped her chin with one hand, gently lifting her face toward his again.

"O.k., could you continue? What am I right about?"

She smiled softly. "I'm so sorry I hurt you." Stroking the side of his face with her hand, she shook her head slightly. "You were right when you said that we'd both hurt each other and done things we regret."

Logan looked completely shocked. She closed his mouth that had fallen open slightly and laughed. Tears welled up in her eyes, but she was determined to finish this once and for all.

"I want to forgive. I want to move on; with you." She smiled again and gently stroked his face. "I love you, Logan. I really love you."

He kissed her then. It wasn't gentle or soft. It was as if years of misunderstandings, pain, confusion, anger and a variety of other emotions had suddenly exploded and they clung to each other so they wouldn't be swept away. He pulled her closer to him, seeming to fear that she would be gone if he didn't hold her tightly.

"Veronica." He spoke between labored breaths and frantic kisses. "I love you, too; so much."

_**- Just the Beginning! -**_

**AN:** While this is the end of regular chapters for "Choices," I hope to post the Epilogue soon. I've worked out a glimpse into the life they would have after she made these choices. There's definitely a lesson for me in this story. Thanks so much for being a part of this journey with me!


	9. Epilogue The Road Home

**Final AN:** _"The Road Home" is the end of the road for this story. I've tried not to wax poetic in Author's Notes too much throughout this story. I inserted enough of myself into the story itself. Surely, readers didn't want any more of me? Well, since this is the end, I wanted to just include a few words about my motivation._

_But first, I am overwhelmingly grateful for the opportunity to write this story and that I have readers who both appreciate and anticipate it as much as I did. Isn't that what all of us writers want? To produce something; to tell a story that others will find gratifying, informative and/or enjoyable? Well, all of you have far exceeded my expectations._

_Thank you for reading and (hopefully) enjoying my version of "what should've been" between Logan and Veronica. There are so many different versions of their story to be told. I chose to focus on just a small snapshot of the relational story. I only wanted to right that particular wrong as I saw it in the series finale. I am nothing if not a sucker for happy endings. Life has enough "reality," doesn't it? I really don't want that too much in my entertainment. So, I felt compelled to give Veronica and Logan the happy ending I believed they deserved after growing up and working through their issues._

_But, other stories of their adventures, mysteries, auxiliary and supporting characters and even other relational stories are amazing and a welcome addition to our VM fanfic universe. I appreciate all of the authors out there who have both entertained and inspired me along the way. Thank you for your contributions. I hope you will all - and new writers, too - continue to tell your stories as only you can._

_Those who have read, reviewed, favorited, followed and just encouraged me through kind words, reviews, messages or really even just "lurking" in the shadows, silently reading and enjoying this fic have blessed me so much. Knowing that you would read the words I wrote and mark this story as one of your favorites or ask to be alerted when a new chapter came out was motivation like no other. Thank you for investing your time and energy with me and this story._

_Ah, Steenbeans ... what can I say? I started this story at your urging. I was an impressed fan, brand new to fanfiction, enamored with your talent and encouraged by your kind words. I finish this having gained a friend and an even greater appreciation for your talent and the time and energy it takes to produce the stories you do. I'm so grateful for your Beta skills, time, talent, encouragement and inspiration. But most of all, I'm grateful to call you my friend. I'm thinking of Dr. Seuss again: "Oh, the places you will go!" I can't wait to see your dreams realized and am honored that I get a glimpse into them. Thank you for being a part of mine in this._

_I would also be remiss if I failed to mention two people who are important to me on so many levels. I find myself writing with you in mind now. Sandy and Bill, thank you for being excited about my writing ... about so many things in my life. Your presence in my life is a precious gift. You remind me that light can best be seen in the midst of darkness. Even still, here's hoping we're only surrounded by light from now on. I love you._

_So, just in case anyone is still reading after this very long note ... here's the epilogue of Choices. _

_**Choices: How to Make a Life - Epilogue - The Road Home**_

"Honey, I'm home."

Backup trotted to the door in response to her standard greeting.

After a minute or two of baby talk and intense ear scratching, Veronica threw her bag down by the bar and kicked off her heels. She practically moaned in pleasure after taking one step without the typical pain in her feet from her uniform footwear.

_The things I do for professionalism_, she mused. _Well, professionalism and smokin' hot shoes I can't resist. When did I become such a girl?_

Her small laugh continued as she unbuttoned her jacket and picked up the TV remote.

Sorting through some mail, she cued up a recorded show from the DVR. She'd been waiting all day to see this.

"So, Logan Echolls," the perfectly polished host of the local morning show asked with a flirtatious smile. "We all want to know. What _have_ you been up to lately?"

"Well, _Becky_ ..."

Veronica laughed at the slight mocking tone he used, hoping that she was the only one to pick up on it. But, she was pretty sure most everyone would recognize his sarcasm. Logan was rarely subtle.

"As I'm pretty sure it states on that card you're holding, I'm here to talk about my foundation and The Green Room Project."

_Oh Logan, just hold it together a little longer. This segment can't be more than two minutes_, Veronica reasoned.

She watched the rest of his interview, thankful that the anchor hadn't asked about Logan's past and that he hadn't lost it when she tried to delve into his personal life.

"My personal life is just that - personal," he explained condescendingly as if he were speaking to a small child. "The work I do with the Green Room, however ..."

"And what a wonderful project it is, Logan," the newscaster interrupted with a dismissive tone. "I know so many of our viewers will be thrilled to see that you're doing such important work considering your troubled past. Thanks for joining us. Coming up next ..."

Veronica watched Logan's face turn to granite in the brief moment the camera flashed back to him as the segment closed.

_Well, that could've gone better_, Veronica thought. _But then again, it could've been much worse. So, I'm counting that one as a win._ She knew Logan might need some convincing, though.

There had been one shining moment during the interview:

"So, how did you stumble into this, Logan?" Bimbo reporter girl purred. "It doesn't seem like the path you were on when you were younger?"

"I hate her," Veronica said to herself. She worried that Logan might lose it again, but he didn't miss a beat.

"Someone very important to me said it best. The Green Room has helped me have a starring role in my own life. Nothing else had ever done that for me," he explained with a thoughtful smile. "And, the irony is that this was the first thing I ever really did that wasn't about me. I think that's what giving back is all about. Wouldn't you agree, Becky?"

This interview had been important. One of the three major fundraisers they do each year was just around the corner and they needed all the publicity and awareness they could get. Veronica knew he hated this part of his business. But, the work he did required constant philanthropic support which meant media exposure and fundraising benefits had become a somewhat regular part of his life; albeit, a part he accepted reluctantly.

Shaking her head, Veronica grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge, untucked her shirt from her skirt, picked up her discarded jacket and shoes and headed to the bedroom.

He'd be easy to find. He always was these days. And, he needed her. So, she donned her running clothes, with a bikini underneath, took a drink from her water bottle and walked out the patio doors from the bedroom.

The sight of the beach - their beach - at this time of day always took her breath away; particularly when she could spot one familiar dot gliding across the waves. He seemed so peaceful surfing. The only other time that even came close was when he slept. She watched him navigate the surf expertly as she walked closer to the water.

Thinking she would have time for a quick run, Veronica bent down to double tie her laces when she spotted Logan waving. The run can wait. She changed course and started removing her shoes and clothes to wade out to him in her bikini.

"Uh-oh, my favorite bikini." He joked, hanging his head dramatically as she got closer. "It must've really been bad."

"Can't a girl dress to impress her fella?" she joked back batting her eyes before dipping under water to wet her hair.

"Hey, I didn't say I objected to the bikini, just sayin' that I knew why you were wearing it."

"Ah," she said as she reached him floating on his board. "Well, Mr. Echolls, I don't think it was that bad at all. That one quote hit the ball out of the park. Seriously."

He smiled knowingly. "I know it sucked. I let her get to me." He reached down to kiss her lips softly.

"No, it wasn't ..."

"Yeah, it was. Besides, I already got an earful from Kate this afternoon."

Logan's publicist, Kate, had become another necessary evil in his life. He'd tried going it on his own for the first few years, but was constantly blindsided by interviews and media events that were intended to focus on the Green Room and helping at risk kids, but all too often ended up targeting the tainted Echolls legacy and sensational Hollywood gossip.

He had given it up all together until his board of directors convinced him that his beloved foundation would not survive, even if he funded it himself, without the support of the public and benefactors that could only be harnessed through fundraising and media exposure. Logan had disagreed, convinced he could fund the Green Room Project himself, but a day-long session with his accountants revealed that he could only do so for a few years before his own resources would no longer be enough.

They'd opened up dozens of new slots for teens, hired new instructors, provided equipment free of charge and he had just hired a small staff to assist him. It wasn't a money-making venture. It was a money-taking enterprise. But, one that he had never been more sure of.

Kate had taken the pressure off. She'd laid the ground rules for each interview and even attended the first dozen or so to ensure the news organizations complied. Things weren't always smooth, but they were much better.

Logan's perpetual case of self-loathing and personal sabotage was much better now, too. He had flourished under sincere praise and expressed belief in him. A contented smile formed on her face as she thought of the role her father played in encouraging him. Logan had also needed a purpose. He'd found it in the Green Room and ... well, in their relationship.

This made her smile again.

"O.k., what is there to smile about in all this?" He asked splashing her lightly.

"I'm smiling because ..." She paused briefly and looped her arms around his calf, pulling him off his board to join her in the water. "I love you."

He smiled back and leaned in to kiss her gently as they bobbed with the waves. "Hmmm ... that_ is_ a good reason to smile."

She knew hearing those words still caught him off guard even though it had been five years since she had given her heart to him fully, with no strings, on his boat as they sailed to Catalina.

She wasn't casual with her "I love yous." He was much more comfortable expressing that sentiment to her as a regular part of their life together. Veronica saved up the words and imparted them as precious gifts when she thought he or they most needed to receive them. It wasn't out of fear that she held them back now, but more out of reverence. She knew what they had and how hard they had fought to have it. Theirs was not a common relationship. She never wanted to treat it as typical.

Logan Echolls and Veronica Mars were anything but ordinary. They were rock solid now, forging a life together. But, even as assured as she was in their love and commitment, she never wanted to take them for granted. Seeing too many failed love affairs, as well as promises and commitments broken, taught her that life and love were precious; not necessarily fragile, as she had thought immediately after they committed to each other five years ago, but precious nonetheless.

_**Flashback**_

The memory of their Catalina trip flooded her mind again as she woke Monday morning. _We're really together._ She had repeated that statement often over the last 24 hours to remind her that it was real. It was difficult to remember a time when she hadn't loved Logan. It was so freeing to be able to fully admit that now. No more running.

They had interacted easily after returning from their trip. So far, they'd faced no obstacles to their new relationship, not even from her father.

"You two heading out?" Keith barely looked up from his newspaper as they walked from her bedroom to the front door.

"Yep," she responded as she flipped through her bag looking for her keys. "We're off for a night of raucous behavior and general debauchery. You know, the usual."

He nodded absently, not giving her the reaction she had desired. "'Kay, Kiddo. Be safe." Keith looked up then to smile at her boyfriend. "Logan, try not to let her corrupt you."

Veronica's mouth hung open as Logan laughed and led her outside.

"Well that dynamic has certainly changed," Veronica fumed as she got into the passenger seat of his Rover.

"What can I say? Parents love me," Logan answered sarcastically as he started the engine.

"Yeah. Since when?"

The party was in full swing as they walked in hand-in-hand. No one was surprised when they showed up together to Mac and Parker's "Back to School" extravaganza.

"Logan. Veronica." Mac paused and looked down at their joined hands as she greeted them. "Oh good Lord. Finally!" And that was that. They were officially "out." And, Logan couldn't have been happier. Veronica, however, still wrestled with a few remaining demons.

A few hours into the party Veronica managed to sneak away to be alone on the apartment balcony.

She wasn't a bit surprised that Logan found her within minutes of her retreat outside.

"There you are. I wondered where you'd wandered off to." His strong arms encircled her waist. He rubbed his thumbs gently across her stomach. She continued staring out over the balcony overlooking the crowded apartment complex parking lot.

"Enjoying the view?" he joked.

"I think we're at maximum capacity in there," she explained, pointing back toward the apartment. "I'm waiting for the fire marshall to show up and haul everyone out of here."

Logan nodded behind her. She was trying to cover with humor. He knew it. She knew he knew it. _I guess not everything has changed._

He had asked her to move in with him before they'd even made it back from Catalina. They could find a house on the beach, he'd said. It sounded perfect. And, it scared her to death. She told him it was too soon. They'd just gotten together. He laughed and told her they'd known each other for most of their entire lives and had been together even when they weren't officially together.

He wasn't taking "no" for an answer and it was freaking her out. And, this had only been going on for a day. She knew he wouldn't really push her to move in with him, but he wouldn't back down from their level of commitment, and he wouldn't accept half-truths and non-answers this time around. Not that she wanted to give him those, it's just that everything was happening so fast.

"Everything is happening so fast, Logan." Her voice sounded small, almost frail.

"Hmmm? Yeah, I guess that's one way of looking at it." His voice was much stronger and more sure. "The way I see it is that we've spent years working toward this. It took time; a lot of time." He didn't even attempt to pretend not to know what she was referring to. He turned her toward him in his arms and smiled down at her as he touched his forehead to hers. "But it was so worth it."

She closed her eyes slowly and took a deep breath. "I'm just ... I just need to slow things down. Maybe ..."

"No." His arms tightened around her.

"No?" She felt angry at his sudden authoritative attitude. _Good. Anger is good._

"I said, 'No,' Veronica. I'm not letting you do this. I love you too much. And, you love me. Whatever this ..." He waved one arm around beside her. "is, we'll deal with it. I get it. All of our issues won't just disappear overnight. But, the difference is, we're gonna deal with them together."

"So, you just get to decide then, is that what you're saying?" Her eyes narrowed as she honed in on her chance to provoke an argument and get some distance from him.

"No, _we_ get to decide. And, we decided that what we want is each other. I'll fight for us, Veronica; even if I have to fight some of your demons. What I need to know is whether you will fight for us, too. Will you fight through this panic that has you? Will you fight for us?"

_**End Flashback**_

There had been several other panic moments for her throughout the last few years. But just like the first one, Logan held her. Strong arms that once would've felt confining or even menacing, became comforting and reassuring. He would whisper words of love and support; words she never thought she needed, but now knew she couldn't live without. He had become her rock.

She still marveled at how much he'd grown up. He continued to be fun and playful, but the careless, irresponsible and selfish days of his youth seemed to be just distant and unpleasant memories now. He said he grew up for her. She knew that wasn't the whole story, but even still, his devotion that had once been smothering had become exactly what she needed and wanted.

She had become the consistent comfort and strength he needed, too. And she seemed to have an internal monitor that cued her in to exactly when it was that he needed her the most; like now.

"So, I was thinking." She schooled her features into her best mock serious expression. "How about we blow off all that stuff we're supposed to do tonight, order in and watch movies with no redeeming value whatsoever?"

He smiled her favorite, sultry smile and rubbed her nose with his. "Hmmm. Sounds like an excellent plan, Agent Mars." He turned toward his board to climb back on. "This pity thing is working out well for me."

She scoffed and splashed him with a handful of water. "Pity? Hardly, Echolls. It'll take a lot more than some bimbo reporter mildly challenging you to make me pity you."

He laughed and settled back on his board before pulling her on with him. They paddled back to shore together.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"Logan," Veronica called from the living room. "Logan!" She paused the movie and left the living room to find him.

She found him shifting through papers by the dining room table. She noticed his smile as she walked closer.

"Hey, I thought we were watching a very lame movie," Veronica teased as she wrapped her arms around his waist and peered around him to figure out what he was doing. "It took me half an hour to get psyched to watch "Talladega Nights." You don't want me coming to my senses and finding a movie that's actually good, do you?"

Logan placed a hand over hers on his stomach and squeezed lightly. "No," he laughed. "We are. I just ..."

"Yeah, yeah, I know," she teased.

Ever since the dining room table had become "wedding central," Veronica had found him like this more times than she could count. The first time she discovered him staring at wedding invitation proofs, she could've sworn his eyes were full of unshed tears. He, of course, denied it, but she knew the truth. He'd just smiled, kissed her and told her that he was happy; happier than he ever thought he could be or had a right to be. Hearing him say things like that always reminded her of the day he proposed and how she found the strength and courage to say, "yes."

_**Flashback**_

Veronica plopped down on the blanket after throwing the ball for Backup.

"You're staring again," she said to Logan without looking directly at him.

"No, I'm not."

"Yes, Logan, you are. What's up with you these days?"

He pulled a knee up to his chest and leaned over it as he chewed casually on the straw he held onto long after dumping his soda from their takeout dinner. Another telltale sign of his nervousness. She was pretty sure she knew them all by now.

"Nothing. I just ... I ..." His momentary serious mood turned playful again. "Can't I look at you without you thinking something's going on?" The too-innocent smile and refusal to meet her gaze told her all she needed to know.

"No, you can't. Spill it Echolls. Don't make me go all FBI on you."

He laughed, grabbing her around the waist and dragging her underneath him. "You know I like it when you go all FBI on me, Mars."

They stared at each other for a few moments before she sat up on her elbows. "Seriously, Logan, what's going on with you?"

"Nothing," he insisted. "Really, Veronica. I just ... I don't know ... I just like being here ... with you."

"Yes, I know. I do, too," she said with a smirk. "That's probably why we come here at least once a week."

Logan sat up suddenly, pulling Veronica up with him. "O.k. There actually is something I wanna talk with you about."

She looked up at him expectantly as his gaze moves to the water. The waves crashing on the shore always calmed him. He'd been distracted lately. She thought he'd met another teen whose story hit too close to home. That had happened several times, threatening to send him into a spiral of nightmares, depression and all the destructive coping mechanisms that go with them. But, he'd managed to keep his head above those murky waters for more than five years now.

Rather than drunken binges, casual hookups and pushing away the positive relationships and things in his life, Logan turned to Veronica, therapy, surfing, runs on the beach and quiet times of introspection. Her inherent need to know ate at her incessantly during those times, but she knew he would come to her when he was ready.

He returned his eyes to hers and smiled softly. "With my history of grand gestures, I know you'll be surprised that I haven't found one that works for this, Veronica."

He laughed as her face morphed into the confused mask he loved so much. "What's going on, Logan?" she asked with the tiniest bit of annoyance in her tone.

"Veronica Mars," he almost whispered as he moved to sit directly in front of her. "I can't remember a time when you haven't been in my life. I think I've loved you since I had any real idea of what that word truly meant."

She smiled softly and kissed his lips when he paused.

"I can't even imagine what my life would've been if you hadn't let me back into your life; first as your friend and then as ... well, what we are now. You've been it for me, Veronica, for so long. And I know there will _never_ be anyone else for me but you."

Veronica's hands started to shake gently as she sensed the significance of his impromptu declarations. _He's not ... Is he?_

He rubbed the back of his neck nervously as he continued. "The grandiose Echolls part of me wanted to rent out some fancy restaurant or find some other over-the-top way to do this, but every time we've come here for the last few weeks, it just feels so right. It should be here, on our beach."

He nodded emphatically as if settling some dispute in his mind. "Isn't that how it should be when I tell you that you're everything to me? Isn't that how it should be when I explain that I never thought I would even have a chance at the kind of happiness you've given me? Now that I've experienced it, I can't go back. I just can't." He looked into her eyes with a somber expression. "I only want to go forward; with you."

He grasped her hands into one of his and squeezed lightly.

"Veronica, you don't just make me want to be a better person, you help me find the way to do it." He inhaled deeply and refocused. "You've given me a desire to live and make a difference. You make me believe that someone like me ... someone who ..." He looked down and shook his head gently before returning a fierce gaze to hers. "Someone like me, who has been through ... and done ... well ... I wasn't supposed to get the 'happily ever after,' but with you ..."

"Logan, what ..."

He moved a finger gently over her lips to silence her. "I want to spend my life with you. I love you, Veronica." He squinted his eyes a bit and smiled softly. "Marry me?"

A small gasp escaped her lips at the same moment she caught the reflection off a ring in his free hand. Her mouth hung open as she tried to recover from the shock of his impassioned speech.

"Wait. Before you answer, I wanted to ..." His words broke off as he released her hands to dig through his duffle bag. "Remember this?" He held up the photo of them at this same beach that her father had taken and planted for them all those years ago. She had found out after confronting Keith about his subterfuge that he'd also left a photo for Logan.

"Do you remember what we talked about that day?"

"Of course I do, Logan. It was a good day. But ..."

"No, I'm not just talking about what you shared about being more open to marriage and family. I'm also talking about what I shared. I told you that you'd already made my dreams come true. I meant it."

"That's sweet, but we ..."

"No, please just let me finish."

She sighed in exasperation, but let him continue.

"Just being with you; just sharing life with you is more than I could've ever hoped for. But, the fact that you let me love you and that you love me in return is ... well ..." He smiled and shook his head. "I know this next step is scary for you. But, I'm asking you to take it with me; just like we've done with each new step for the last five years. I don't have to be married to you to know that you're the one for me, but I want it with every fiber of my being."

He paused briefly, seeming to gather more of his thoughts. "We have every reason to be cynical about this. We've seen the worst of people and relationships." Logan's hands gripped her shoulders and pulled her closer.

"I'm not trying to pretend that we're anything close to normal." He chuckled softly and kissed her forehead. "That's not why I want to do this with you. I want to marry you because I can't stand the idea of my life not being completely mixed up in yours. I want it all, and I want that with you. And, honestly, I don't want them ..." He paused for a moment.

She knew who he meant by "them" - Aaron, Cassidy, Mercer and the whole other slew of villains and even friends and lovers who had hurt them so much through the years.

He took a deep breath. "I don't want them stealing anything else from us."

She nodded slowly and looked out over the ocean.

"Your therapist helped you with that little speech, didn't she?" she teased.

He smiled and pulled her even closer. "Maybe." He grew serious again. "Tell me what you want, Ronnie." Another deep breath. "Do you want to marry me?"

She knew he needed this. He needed permanency. He needed someone to stay. No one ever had before her. The chaotic swirl of emotions and fears she expected to rush through her mind never materialized. Instead, Veronica realized that the idea of her life joined with his in this way wasn't so scary anymore. It was the natural progression. It was what she wanted. She loved him so much. _Veronica Mars-Echolls. Hmmm ..._

"I believe it's customary for a gentleman caller to first approach his intended's patriarchal figure, now isn't Mr. Echolls?" she drawled with her best southern accent.

He laughed softly. "Oh, Miss Mars, you don't think I would give you such an easy out, now do you?" He cupped her chin and shook it playfully. "Daddy Mars and I worked out the whole dowry situation ages ago. I just need your answer and then the 10 goats will be on their way."

"10? Seriously? Is that all? I'm worth ..."

Logan cut off her mock indignation and sarcastic retort with a passionate kiss. He moved his lips to her ear and whispered. "Is that a 'yes?'"

"Well, for only 10 goats ..."

"Veronica!" He grabbed her tightly. "You're killing me here."

She laughed and laced her arms around his neck, leaning her forehead against his. "Yes," she whispered.

He was up in a flash, pulling her up and off her feet and spinning her around and around. "Oh crap." He stopped suddenly and dropped back to the blanket. "The ring."

He pulled her back down to the blanket, felt around until he found it and then sat up on his knees. Holding the ring at the tip of the ring finger on her left hand, he leaned in closer and spoke seriously. "Veronica, I love you. Always." He slid the ring on her finger and kissed her again.

She looked down at the ring and gasped. The bezel set, antique platinum ring with a one carat, round diamond on a wide band took her breath away. "Logan, it's ... it's just ..."

She couldn't finish her sentence out loud, but inside her heart and mind could only form one word. _Perfect._ He knew her so well. The inset, flush setting was perfect for her line of work. The size was enough to satisfy his need to spoil her, but small enough to not offend her sensibilities. The platinum band made her think of her locket. _Oh, Logan. _ Everything about it spelled out understated beauty, strength and class. It was her.

She looked back at him and smiled as tears threatened to fall from her eyes. "Logan." She spoke softly so he had to lean in. "Really? Only 10 goats?"

_**End Flashback**_

And now, her fierce, yet wildly romantic fiancé stood holding back tears as he perused their reception seating chart. Seriously?

Veronica rubbed his back gently, leaned up to kiss his cheek and then sat down at the table to tackle the remaining wedding plans.

Neither of them wanted a large, lavish affair. But they also didn't want to slink off into the night and elope. Well, o.k., Logan didn't want that. She sometimes still did. But, she agreed with his points on the subject. They'd fought so hard for their love and life. They had wanted to celebrate it, but on their terms and no one else's. Thus, their quaint, beachside ceremony was born.

It still amazed her that a small wedding including only their closest family and friends could require so much planning. She smiled as she looked at the table listing where her closest friends and family would be. Her father and Alicia had married two years ago so now Wallace wasn't just the best friend a girl could ask for, he was truly her brother; and her man of honor. He hadn't been thrilled about the last title, but he _had_ been thrilled that she said, "yes," to Logan's proposal, so he agreed.

All the details were coming together. Logan had already moved into the beach house - their house - to help get things situated so it would be ready for them as soon as they returned from their honeymoon.

No one who knew them would ever call them traditional, but even still, Veronica hadn't moved in with him. With the wedding so close she wanted to spend as much time as she could with her Dad. And for some reason it just felt right to wait to call the beach house "theirs" until after the wedding. She still kept swimsuits, running clothes and her favorite movie-watching loungewear there, though. _A girl's gotta be prepared._

She laughed as she saw the frown on Logan's face and the table seating occupying his attention. "You can't seriously still have issues with him, Logan." She pinched his side playfully.

"I will always have issues with him. I told you that." His tone was teasing, but she heard the undercurrent of truth in his statement. She had hoped that Logan and Agent Wentz would one day be friends, but so far that hope had not materialized.

_**Flashback**_

"So, it's official then, you're really doing this FBI thing?" Logan smiled genuinely at her across their table in the Hearst food court.

"That's what the letter says," she joked. She knew he was conflicted. His plans were in Neptune. Between his surf shop and the Green Room Project, he had built something he'd never had before - a stable life. But they both knew that if the official offer came in from the FBI, her life would no longer be in Neptune. She'd either be on the east coast in the D.C. office or, with a lot of luck and influence from her mentor, she'd be stationed at the LA field office. Either way, she was leaving Neptune. They wouldn't know for sure until she graduated from the academy.

"I'm sure you're buddy is thrilled about your acceptance."

Veronica dropped the letter on the table and let out a loud, exasperated sigh. "Why is this such a problem for you, Logan? You can't possibly think that there's anything going on between Howie and me?" She grabbed his hand as she spoke. Her touch always calmed him.

He smiled sheepishly. "I don't. I mean, don't get me wrong, I'm sure the old guy's thought of it, but I know you would never ..."

"Then what is it?" Her tone was a little snappish. His new nickname for Wentz annoyed her, mostly because she was worried it might rub off and she'd find herself calling him the "old guy" to his face. Yeah, that wouldn't be good.

He sighed and looked away momentarily. "I've thought about that, you know."

She knew he had. The new Logan was much more introspective than the wildly impetuous Logan of the past.

"I think it's because ..." He paused and lowered his head as if he were embarrassed to continue.

"Logan, it's o.k. Just tell me."

"I've had to work so hard for your respect, you know." He held up a hand to stop her as she started to interrupt. "Not that I didn't deserve to have to do that. I know I blew it; big time. But this guy who you've only known a few years has your unwavering loyalty and respect."

She was speechless. Wow. She had never seen the situation from that perspective.

"So," Logan continued. "I guess I am jealous, but just maybe not for the reason you were thinking."

She just stared at him, dumbfounded. He started laughing then. "Well, and maybe for the reason you were thinking, too."

_**End Flashback**_

That memory made her smile softly. It seemed like so long ago. Within a few months of graduating from college, she'd gone to the FBI Academy and of course, graduated at the top of her class. Her friend and mentor had in fact pulled a few strings and she found out the week before her academy graduation that she would be assigned to the west coast.

She'd been thrilled and Logan was the second person she called, after her Dad.

Logan's reaction wasn't exactly what she'd expected. He had definitely been relieved and very excited that they wouldn't have to undergo a cross-country relationship. But within the first ten minutes of their conversation, his fears came out.

"So, I'm just curious, where will the old guy work?" This nickname for Wentz had stuck for a while. The derogatory monickers typically changed regularly, but Logan was particularly fond of this one.

She smiled. "He primarily works out of DC. You know that."

"Yeah, I remember. Good, I'm glad. I just thought that since he helped you get this assignment, maybe ..."

"You've got to be kidding me." Veronica's voice rose louder and her tone was no longer teasing. "That's it, Logan. This has to stop."

They'd ended up arguing for the next few minutes and she had eventually hung up on him, refusing to take his calls for the rest of the evening. They'd made up the next day, but the whole situation had left a bad taste in both of their mouths.

So, even though two and a half years had passed since then, Logan's distrust and dislike for her friend and mentor hadn't exactly evaporated. But, it was a little better and she decided that they would all just have to be adults about it at their wedding.

It would help if Wentz wouldn't antagonize Logan. He took no small amount of pleasure in irritating her fiancé by hugging her, bringing up private jokes and constantly talking about their shared work on cases when they were all together. He said it was good for him to stay on his toes and realize he constantly had to woo her.

After mocking him for using the word, "woo," Veronica had explained that with Logan's history, this was not wise or kind. Wentz still refused to let up and found the whole situation amusing.

But, as much as he liked to torment Logan, his joy and excitement for her when she became engaged was very genuine.

_**Flashback**_

She'd hoped to reach him before the wedding invitation did. She had wanted him to hear it from her first. But, as he answered the phone, it was obvious he'd already gotten the word.

"So, it looks like our little girl's really growing up." His tone was light and happy.

"Very funny," Veronica said with a small laugh. "How are you?"

"I'm good, but not as good as you and Logan, I think."

Veronica smiled. Not for the first time, she marveled that her mentor, who was as intense and adept at discussing tactical FBI operations and complex psychological profiles as she had ever seen, was also always willing to discuss her personal life and choices.

"So you got your invitation," she said as more of a statement than a question. "Will you guys be able to make it?"

"We wouldn't miss it, Kiddo. Maggie is out buying your wedding gift as we speak."

Genuine laughter filled her voice now. "Kiddo? Seriously? My Dad calls me that. How long do I have to ..."

"Hey, I knew you back when, Agent Mars. You'll always be 'Kiddo' to me."

They caught up on each other's lives and laughed at recent antics from mutual friends. He couldn't resist making threats to torment her fiancé at the wedding, but she refused to give him the indignation he wanted.

As their conversation wound down, Veronica heard the creaking of his office chair and pictured the scene in her mind. She had spent some time in his home office with him during her many Wentz family dinners.

She assumed he was holding the invitation and moving toward his chaotic and completely covered bulletin board. "These are the true successes from my career," he had always told her. The oversized board held news clippings, photos and other memorabilia from junior agents and others he had taken a personal interest in throughout the years.

He already had a "Veronica Mars" collection. She'd seen it. She pictured him now searching for the perfect spot on the bulletin board, finding space beside a news clipping about a grizzly serial rape case solved by a college student in a small California town.

Moving aside her graduate school commencement invitation to add the proof of her latest monumental decision, from memory, she knew he would push the thumb tack through the new memento with some force. It was only then that she heard her friend and mentor barely whisper. "You're gonna be o.k. now, Veronica. You're gonna be o.k."

_**End Flashback**_

She hated that she didn't get to work with Agent Wentz as much as she would have liked. He worked out of the DC office and she would always choose the west coast. Veronica moved from the LA office to the regional headquarters in San Diego 18 months ago. This was better for her professionally, and of course, personally, since she was now able to live in the same community as almost all the important people in her life.

Logan's career continued to thrive, as well. His book was due out next Spring. "Black and Blue Makes Green" is something she never thought he would want or have the courage to write. But, once again, he surprised her.

The book was born from the urging of his therapist to be more open and honest about the brutality he suffered coupled with the protest from one of the teens in the Green Room project calling him a hypocrite. That incident had really rocked him. Logan had always encouraged the teens to deal with what they're going through, but he'd never openly admitted that his father had abused him for years, all while his mother looked on from her pit of addiction.

He still struggled with actually publishing it. But, he had finally signed the contract a few months ago. Publishers lined up from New York to LA to publish what they hoped would be a scintillating tale of Hollywood gossip and intrigue.

In truth, the book wasn't anything like what they'd expected. It was both shocking in its explicit description of who Aaron and Lynn Echolls really were, and heartbreakingly beautiful in the expression of who their battered and troubled son grew up to become. His story told about unbearable cruelty and a tortured youth that eventually led to the birth of the Green Room Project.

Reading his first draft brought Veronica to tears; and, not just a few easily swept away tear drops. She cried gut-wrenching sobs over what he'd experienced and overcome to be the man she loved so desperately. So few people have ever seen that Logan; her Logan. His parents certainly never saw it. Even Lilly never saw it.

_Lilly._ Veronica thought a lot about her old best friend these days. Life had certainly not turned out the way she and Lilly had imagined all those years ago. They used to lay by the pool at the Kane estate and plan out every detail from college to their weddings and future careers. Nothing had turned out the way they thought it would, at all.

She lost Lilly to senseless violence, and then her Mom to alcoholism and betrayal. She and her father became the town pariahs. She lost Duncan and a slew of other friends along the way. She also lost her innocence. But, she found true friendship in the form of Wallace and Mac. She discovered what she was born to do - profile, track down and expose the most vile criminals with her cunning, smarts, wit and charm. Her master's degree in Criminal Psychology didn't hurt either. She and her father formed an inseparable bond that has brought her more joy and stability than she'd ever thought possible.

And, she fell in love with the wild and crazy boy from her youth; no, not the one she thought she'd end up with, the one she was _supposed_ to end up with. She would give anything to have Lilly back and to undo some of the hardship she, her father and Logan had experienced. _But, I would never give up what I have with Logan. Never._

Logan always told her that she'd saved him. He reminded her of what she'd done for him during his fruitless search for his mother back in high school and countless other times. But, she knew that really, their friendship and love had saved her in more ways than she could ever explain. So in a way, they had saved each other; and in turn, themselves.

Snapping out of her memories and introspection, Veronica knew just what they needed. The wedding planning was practically complete and this time next week, they would be married and honeymooning at some exotic locale that Logan refused to reveal to her. All that was left to do now was to live their life.

"Come on, Mr. Sensitivity," Veronica teased as she got out of her chair and grabbed Logan's arm. "How about I spoon your brains out while we watch this cinematic masterpiece?"

Logan looked down at her and smiled. He brushed his knuckles against her cheek and whispered, "I love you, Veronica Mars." His lips touched hers gently. "Always have. Always will."

"Yeah, I know. I love you, too." She kissed him again sweetly before grabbing his hand to lead him into the living room. "Now move it, Echolls. I have a Will Ferrell movie to mock."

Happily ever after and white picket fences ... not really what Veronica dreamed of anymore; not since ... well, a long time ago. But, life was good now. Normalcy felt good to two screwed up kids from Neptune. Despite the chaos, tragedy and hard times of their youth, she and Logan had found their way in their world. Together.

Veronica's job gave her just enough of an adrenaline rush to keep her on her toes, without going back to the dark side. She shuddered at the thought of what her life could've been had she not made some tough life choices back in college.

Veronica snuggled into Logan on the couch and let Will Ferrell's obnoxious fake southern accent fade into the background.

VMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVMVM

"You ready?" Keith whispered with a smile. "You look beautiful, by the way."

He looked back into the living room, ensuring the coast was still clear for her to walk through unseen. Her wedding had garnered quite a bit of media attention lately and she wouldn't have been surprised to see a sneaky photographer marching right through their living room with unabashed boldness.

Veronica took a deep breath and looked back at herself in the full-length mirror next to Logan's ... no, now _their_ dresser. She smiled softly at her Dad's reflection watching her with misty eyes.

"Can you believe this?"

Her voice sounded small to her own ears, but her father didn't seem to notice. He just smiled brightly, unconcerned.

"Yeah. Yeah, I can."

He walked into the room and joined her in front of the mirror. "He's the one, Veronica."

She nodded slowly and Keith chuckled as he continued. "Much to your old man's frustration at times, he's always been the one."

She smoothed down the non-existent wrinkles in the front of her "casual, yet formal" dress, as Mac called it, and turned toward Keith. "Ready," she said with a nod of certainty.

He took her arm and led her toward the door.

"Wait, Dad."

He looked like she'd just screamed "Fire" in a crowded movie theater. She laughed at his startled expression.

"No," she said over a soft chuckle. "I'm not getting cold feet."

He smiled with what she was certain was absolute relief.

"I just wanted you to know how much ..." Her voice trailed off and she bent her head, hiding more tears.

"Veronica." He placed both hands on the sides of her face, gently lifting it up so they were almost eye-level.

"My smart, beautiful, fierce, FBI profiler, action-figure, badass daughter." They both laughed at his characterization of her. _The list had sure gotten long over the years_, she mused.

"I _know_." He nodded his head fiercely. "After all these years, I hope that _you_ know ..."

Veronica reached up and placed her finger on her father's lips.

"Yeah, Dad, I know, too." She leaned her forehead against his and fought back the tears that threatened to spill out, yet again, of her perfectly made-up eyes. _Thank God for waterproof mascara_, she thought for the 10th time that day.

"Well, then ..." He took her arm again and faced the door. "Are we gonna do this thing? I think there's a crowd ... oh, and a very anxious groom, waiting for you."

She smiled at the thought of Logan waiting for her by the water. _He probably thinks I'm gonna bail_, she laughed.

Reading her mind again, Keith smiled. "I think he does. He asked me at least three times if you were still up here getting ready."

Veronica smirked and stood up a bit straighter. Suddenly, she was flooded with peace and certainty. This was right. They were right. This day was perfect; well, as perfect as it gets for Veronica and Logan.

It didn't matter that her drunk and wayward mother wasn't there. It didn't matter that Logan had to chase paparazzi and threaten a few neighbors to ensure their privacy. None of that mattered.

"Come on, Dad," Veronica said softly as she laced her arm through his. She didn't try to stop the tears this time. "You've always walked beside me on my adventures. How about we tackle one more?"

He patted her arm and looked forward. Even though Keith didn't look at her she saw him wipe his tears discreetly.

"Sure thing, Kiddo. Let's go."

They walked out the french doors and onto their patio. Veronica felt the butterflies start up again when she heard the soft gasps and murmurs as the music changed and her guests saw her for the first time.

She sensed her old nemesis, panic, seeping into her bones and looked down at the sand as they reached the beach.

_Breathe in, breathe out. You can do this, Veronica._

She lifted her head up and the world stopped spinning around her. All she could see were Logan's eyes, holding hers; promising love, fidelity, commitment and ... forever. Eyes that showed so much strength, tenderness, desire and yes, relief.

Before she could help herself, Veronica laughed. Logan smiled hugely and shrugged his shoulders. Ever the entertainer, he swiped his hand across his forehead and let out an audible sound of relief. The small crowd laughed and smiled at their exchange.

Close friends and family in attendance knew of their long and storied relationship. The term "runaway bride" had even come up at the rehearsal dinner. Several attendees had voiced the same concerns that they now saw Logan had shared until he saw her step onto the beach in her wedding dress.

Keith paused with Veronica at the head of the aisle and gazed down at her. "So, I guess this it." He was trying for carefree and light-hearted, but she knew this was truly breaking his heart.

Hugging him gently, she whispered in his ear. "I love you, Dad."

Biting back a small sob, she continued with a louder, stronger voice. "And, I will _always_ be your Veronica."

Keith nodded, squeezed her gently and took her arm again. As they made their way down the aisle, inching closer to Logan, Veronica felt the peace and certainty return.

She tore her gaze from Logan's just long enough to soak in all the decorations, guests, groomsmen and bridal attendants surrounding her and laughed again.

_So much for not being traditional_, she chided inwardly. Honestly, though, their small, beachside ceremony was completely lovely; everything she'd hoped it would be.

Logan's soft voice brought her focus back to him. "Hey." He greeted her with a warm smile and teary eyes. "I'm glad you made it."

"You were worried?" she joked, knowing he really had been. They continued looking at each other, everyone else forgotten.

"I hate to break this up," Keith interrupted. "But, there are some people here ..." he gestured behind them. "Who came to see the wedding of the century." He smiled and leaned in to the couple. "Cliff has twenty on this not happening and you know how I hate to lose ..."

She cut him off, rolling her eyes and shaking her head with a smirk.

"What do you say, Veronica," Logan asked as he reached for her. "You wanna finally do this?"

Veronica hugged her Dad again then turned toward Logan with a strong smile. "Yeah, I really do." And, she really did; to her dismay, if she were being completely honest. And, since her sophomore year in college, she had worked on being completely honest.

Later that night Veronica realized she didn't really remember most of the words they spoke or the things the reverend said to them during the ceremony. For some reason, she didn't focus on that. She just stared at Logan, lost in his eyes; lost in memories and lost in the enormity of the choice they were making together. He, of course, remembered every word and sentiment they shared and gave her grief about her lack of focus.

Days, weeks, months and even years later during uncharacteristically sentimental moments, Veronica told him that she didn't have to know the words their mouths spoke that day. Their eyes and hearts said it all. And, they still did.

_I love you._

_It has always been you._

_It will always be you. Only you._

_I choose you. I choose us._

They chose well.

_Who would've thought? Choices, they really do make a life._


End file.
